


To all the one's I've loved before

by Apolloclover



Category: Supernatural, To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:14:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 64,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26233285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apolloclover/pseuds/Apolloclover
Summary: “Hey, hold on. What if you didn't tell her?” Dean suggested slowly.Castiel gave him a look that he hoped would portray how stupid of an idea Dean’s suggestion was. “Please tell me why you think that’s a good idea.”“What if we let people think we were actually together? Just for a little while. And not just Milton. I mean everybody.”Castiel was dead. He had hit his head when he fainted and went to hell. Because Dean Winchester asking him to pretend to be in a relationship in front of the entire school and his brother’s ex-girlfriend finding out he had a crush on her occurred on the same day were two very strange but specific disasters to punish him with.Based on the film "To all the Boys I Loved Before"
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Michael/Anna Milton
Comments: 57
Kudos: 155





	1. Chapter 1

_ The forbidden kiss. We knew that it was wrong, that he was betrothed to my sister. But if this wasn't what he wanted, then why did he come to the field of desere? It was fated, that we should meet like this- _   


A pillow hit the side of Castiel’s head, snapping him out of his writer's trance. “Hey!” he shouted as his head snapped up to look at who threw the offending object. “I was finally getting into writing.”

It was his brother, Gabriel, wearing a shit-eating grin and sucking on a pop on his bed. “What’s the plot this time? Wait let me guess, secret romance and forbidden love affair. Two things that your stick in the mud will never experience.”   


Castiel turned back to his laptop. “I just need to finish this chapter today, if I hold it off any longer I am going to be off schedule.”   


“I’m gonna be off schedule” mocked Gabe in a high pitched voice. Castiel flashed an unimpressed look his way but spared him no other attention. Gabe sighed, “come on man, Aunt Jody is trying to cook again.”

“Should we go down and help her?” Castiel asked in alarm. The last time Aunt Jody made dinner she set the kitchen on fire. She had been making a salad. Not a pleasant experience for any of them.   


“Nah, Michael already tried but she wants to do it herself.” He put the lollipop back in his mouth.   


“Yeah,” Michael’s voice popped up from Castiel’s doorway, “so stop eating candy. Unless you’re starving you won’t be able to stomach it.”

Gabe wagged his finger at Michael. “That my friend,” he said, “is exactly the point. My plan is genius, you see. I just tell Jody that I accidentally ate before dinner so I am not hungry. Her trying to kill me will probably be less painful than death by food poisoning.”

“Hysterical, Gabe.” 

“I try.”

Sighing, Castiel turned off the monitor and turned his chair around. There was no way he was going to get any more writing done with these two idiots. “What is she trying to cook then?”

Michael flashed a sickly sweet smile at Gabe. “I have no clue, but whatever she puts in front of you, take a bite and say, "Mmm, just like dad's," okay?”   


“I was still eating applesauce and cheerios when dad died.” 

“It was two years ago.”

“I rest my case.”

Michael threw his hands in an ‘I give up’ gesture. “Just wash your hands and come down to dinner!”

“Did you have to provoke him? He’s gonna be leaving soon and I don’t want him to have his last memories be of us fighting.” Castiel looked at Gabe in disapproval.

“Does he have to act like he is the chosen one? It's not like he’s our father.” Castiel’s brow furrowed in confusion and he opened his mouth to ask what Gabe meant but was waved off. “Nevermind Cassie.”

“You are younger than me, I should be the one making the embarrassing nicknames.”

“By like, five minutes. Those five minutes were all the time mom needed to finally develop a decent sense of humor and pass it on.” Gabe sighed mournfully and shook his head, “alas, it was too late for you.”

Castiel pointed towards the door, “get out before I kick your ass.”   


Gabriel skipped out of the room like a five-year-old, “don’t forget to wash your hands,  _ Cassie. _ ” He ducked as Castiel threw a pillow at him. Sighing Cassie stood up and followed him downstairs. Nearly running into Anna on his way down.

“Oh, hey there squirt,” Anna laughed and ruffled his hair, “can’t your glasses help you see where you are going?” 

“I’m two months younger than you Anna,” Castiel grumbled. 

“Do not speak to your elders that way Cas.”

“Two months,” he mumbled to himself under his breath. Anna laughed as she walked into the kitchen. She gave Michael a chaste kiss as she walked by him, “hey babe.” As she walked in she flashed a bright smile at Jody. “Hey Ms. Novak, that smells good. Too late for me to join in for dinner?”

“You sure you want some? You are already so full of shit,” Aunt Jody replied.   
  
“Literally  _ anything _ is better than my dad’s. He somehow makes mac n cheese taste worse.”

“Impressive, we should cook together.”

“Uh, how about we don’t,” Michael teasingly interjected, “I think it is a bad idea.”

“Well while you’re here, Anna watch this pot while I make Michael try and salvage the chicken parm?”   


“I’m glad to help,” Anna laughed as she walked over to stir the spaghetti. As she walked in Castiel quietly trailed in behind her.   


“I can’t believe that you asked for my help  _ after  _ you made the mess and ruined things.” Michael rolled his eyes as he went to go poke at a pile of black bricks on a cookie sheet.   


“Well  _ I _ can't believe we're not going to see your dumb face until Thanksgiving,” Gabe retorted back as he sat on the table and began to open another candy wrapper.   


“Christmas actually, Scotland's too far to come back for Thanksgiving,” Michael said in return.”Besides, we don’t really do thanksgiving now do we?”   


“Wait, are you kidding? We're not gonna see him till Christmas!” Alfie asked from behind Cas. He turned to see his little Cousin run into the room, nearly braining himself on the counter.

“Alfie, watch where you are going please.” Michael scolded “Look on the bright side,” Jody interjected, “Michael won't be taking the car every day, you can practice your driving Cassie.”   


“Don’t call me Cassie,” Castiel said back.

“I forgot I had to drive with Cassie now,” Gabe grumbled.   


“Feel free to take the bus, also I  _ just  _ said to not call me Cassie.”   


“I can give you a ride,” Anna interjected, “I'm not disappearing, I'm next door.”   


“Or I can drive, and if we get pulled over,” Alfie suggested, “ we'll switch places real quick.”   


“Top-notch idea, Alf,” Jody smiled at him.   


“What's a good idea?” Michael asked. He was holding onto a large bowl with a couple of pieces of extra crispy looking chicken parm.   


“We were talking about what a bad driver Castiel is.”   


"You know I’m really not that bad I just suck at parking,” Castiel tried to defend himself. His siblings all ignored him. 

Anna laughed, “yeah, we were, but we were also talking about airplanes, which speaking of… I have a surprise for you.” She pulled out an envelope while stirring the pasta pot and passed it to Michael. He laughed at Cas’s obvious misery and took the envelope from Anna’s hand.

As he opened it though, the smile fell from his face, “oh...” Gabe stood on his tippy toes in an attempt to read what the letter said.   


“You couldn't come home for Thanksgiving, I figured I'd bring home to you,” Anna smiled nervously. “It's a plane ticket, I'm coming to Scotland,” she added to the rest of them.   


“That’s awesome Anna, kind of jealous you get to see Michael before all of us but I’m happy for you two,” Aunt Jody smiled widely at them, “I’m gonna grab the salad and then dinner will be all set.”   


Michael did not look as excited as Anna. “You... You already paid for this?”   


Anna’s smile faltered and Castiel immediately felt bad for her, “yeah, I had a Google alert set for flights as soon as you decided you wanted to go to school there.”   


“Why?” Michael demanded, “why didn’t you talk to me about this first.”   
  
“I don’t know, maybe I thought my boyfriend would be excited about the idea of getting to see me during the school year and would think it's a good surprise?”

Michael sighed and rubbed his face, “can we talk outside? Please?” 

Anna frowned but nodded. As she followed Michael out the front door Castiel had a bad feeling in his stomach. The rest of the siblings and Aunt Jody sat there quietly in awkward silence.

“Mmm, just like dad’s?” Gabe tried.

“Shut up you haven’t even eaten the food yet.”   


Castiel stared out after the two and watched them fight on a porch, trying not to get upset about his best friend and his older brother and the obvious tension. Thinking about how they had ended up where they were now.

Anna and Michael had been together since she was a freshman and Michael was a sophomore. But, before Michael even cared that she existed, she was Castiel’s first girlfriend. Well, space between the words… girl who was a friend.   


They had been friends and neighbors since kindergarten, and Castiel could talk to her about anything. He was a pretty socially awkward kid so the fact that they had clicked so easily was a miracle to him.    


One moment they had been inseparable, constantly together, and always sharing their weirdest secrets and thoughts, Castiel slowly developed romantic feelings for her and was working up the nerve to tell her. But then, Anna saw Michael shirtless one day and it all went out the window. Suddenly instead of Castiel and Anna, it became Anna and Michael with Castiel tagging along.

Not that they made him feel like a third wheel, they still invited him everywhere. Even dates. But after almost walking in on his brother groping his best friend in a bathroom stall he decided double dates were not the best idea. So he sat in his room, working on writing novels about a romance he was sure he would never have.

He was super happy for Michael, his brother had done so much for him, helped him through so many awkward phases and bullies that he deserved nothing less than a girl like Anna. So, instead of confessing feelings for her, he wrote a letter. The king of letters one of the heroines in one of his romance novels would write.   


He wasn't planning to send the letter, it was just a way to talk about things that he would never say out loud. It was mainly about how sometimes I imagined what it would've been like if he'd realized how he felt about her sooner, and worked up the nerve and said something.   


His letters were one of Castiel’s few secrets from his family, that not even his twin knew about.   


There were five total: Crowley from camp; Dean from seventh grade; Charlie from Homecoming; Meg from Model UN; and Anna.   
  
He would reread his letters to remind him of how he felt whenever he needed inspiration for one of his novels. He knew Michael and Gabe would say he was being dramatic, but it was how he dealt.

After excusing himself from the hockey puck chicken, Castiel made his way upstairs to the room. He pulled down his Anna letter and began to read it for comfort.    


“What are you doing?” Castiel jumped at the sound of Michael in his doorway and hid the letters back into the shoebox.   
  
“Nothing?” He tried to play innocent.

“Whatever, I don’t care enough.” Michael walked over to Castiel’s desk and started to tap his keyboard. “You spelled desire wrong, and this is a little cheesier than usual.” 

“Are you okay?” Castiel chose to ignore the jab.   
  
“Yeah,” Michael replied curtly. He started editing spelling errors in what Castiel had already typed up. After a moment of silence, he sighed, “I don't know, I just broke up with Anna.”   
  


“You did what?” Castiel asked. He knew that there was a chance of it happening but he did not think Michael would actually go through with it. There were Michael and Anna, grossly in love and practically perfect. “Why?”   


Michael sighed and talked while he typed, “before Mom died, she said I should never go to college with a girlfriend. Dad agreed with her and said I should focus on school and not be the guy stuck in my dorm room on facetime with a girl instead of making friends, studying for class, and learning the world.”   


“But you love her.”   


“I know, and that is why I can’t make her sit in her room doing the same thing during her senior year. If it is meant to be we will end up together. But now she can save the money for the tickets and use it to go towards buying the car she's always wanted. Cars last longer than high school boyfriends anyways.”   


Castiel and Michael sat in silence for a bit before Michael finally spoke up. “When I was packing for college, I had Aunt Jody make a box of things to take to Goodwill, donate some of the stuff we don’t use anymore. If you want to add anything we haven’t packed it up yet. I know you were looking to donate some of your clothes that don’t fit anymore.”

“Oooh Cassie, Michael called you fat.” Michael and Castiel looked up at Gabe who was eating a twizzler in the doorway to Cas’s room.

“No,” Michael said in annoyance, “I’m saying that, unlike you, Castiel grew six inches over the summer and none of his jeans are long enough anymore.”

Castiel nodded in agreement. Jody had taken Castiel to the thrift store the other week to try and find more clothes that fit him better. Unfortunately, that meant there was a sizable pile of clothes Castiel could never wear piling up in his closet.

“I don’t know Michael,” Castiel tried for a joke, “Gabe is still pretty small, maybe he’ll grow into them.”   


“Ha, I’ll show you pretty small. Prepare your shins asshole.” Michael jumped up to prevent Gabe from crippling his twin.

“Oh, so you can make fun of me for being a bad driver but I can’t make fun of you for being short.”   
  
“Maybe I wouldn’t be so short if my twin hadn’t stolen all the freakishly tall traits,” Gabe spit back at Cas. 

“Enough you two,” Michael ordered, “I’m leaving in two days and you know Jody is going to need help with Alfie. She’s doing her best but she's only ten years older than us. Be behaved and be grateful we aren’t in the foster system.”   
  
“But Castiel started it!” Gabe protested.

“I’m finishing it. Come on guys, you are seniors. You are applying for colleges this year and figuring out what you want to do in the future. Also, Alfie is in middle school, you need to help him out, make sure that he is doing okay and doing his homework.”

“Can we go back to talking about how you're sad?” Gabe asked.

“Were you eavesdropping?” Michael raised an eyebrow and glared at his younger brother.

“Depends, do I get in trouble if I did?”   
  
“No I guess not, also I never said I was sad.”   
  
“Oh really? I distinctly remember some crying on Cassie’s shoulder.”

“You shut your face,” Michael growled. He jumped at Gabe and they began to wrestle on the floor.”

“Don’t call me Cassie,” Castiel interjected. His two brothers instead ignored him and continued to playfully wrestle on the floor. 

Castiel rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer to keep writing. Michael had only edited one page of errors so Castiel did not feel bad about rewriting a couple of lines that sounded awkward before continuing his story.   
  


  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Michael had always said that when something is no longer useful, you either donate it, recycle it, or throw it away. Castiel always knew he felt that way about objects but… he didn't think he could feel that about a person. After trying to talk to Anna after their breakup, Castiel had realized that wasn’t the case.

“ _I just want to know if you are okay Anna, you’re my friend and you have been for a long time. I don’t want you to be upset.”_

_“Just, leave me alone Castiel,”_ she had said to him in response, _“I need some time, and no offense but you are one of the last people who could help me right now.”_

Castiel had been thinking about her words while he was traveling with Michael to the airport. He has been so spaced that he didn’t really process when they had arrived.  
“...will depart from Gate 39.” A clear voice rang out over the speaker over Castiel’s head, causing him to jump. Michael laughed at Castiel’s startled expression.  
“Where was your head at this time?” He asked.

“Probably somewhere with naked women. If it was anywhere else, I would be _very_ disappointed in him-ow!” Gabe rubbed the back of his head where Jody had whacked him.

“I was wondering about how much I should remain faithful to the divorce laws of the 18th century for my newest novel,” Castiel lied.

“Come here weirdo,” Michael affectionately rolled his eyes as he pulled Castiel into a hug. While his arms were wrapped around him Gabe hugged Michael from the other side. 

“Hey, you need a book to read on your flight,” Jody said awkwardly, “We'll be right back. Come on Alfie.”

“Ooh, can we get some Mcdonalds too?” Alfie bounced excitedly.

“No but I saw a burger king back that way. Does that work instead?” Jody and Alfie’s voices faded out.

“You gonna be okay?” Castiel asked Michael.

“Did you have to pick the furthest college you could think of?” Gabe talked over Castiel’s question angrily, “Who am I supposed to eat lunch with and talk shit about Cassie to?”

“Don’t call me Cassie. Also, what-?” Castiel tried to ask.

“Yes I will be okay, and you know why I want to move. The legal drinking age in Scotland is 18 and I very much plan to experience that.”

“Uncool,” Gabe glared.

“And I need to get away from here, small towns are black holes, and the further away I go to college the less chance I have to end up stuck there.”

“Can we go back to you two talking shit about me behind my back?” Castiel asked, "cause that is something that is bothering me

“He’s teasing Cassie,” Michael reassured him. “I think you two should look at this as an opportunity to branch out, make new friends. Don’t just do stuff because I am already doing it.”

“Good idea, maybe me and Cassie could become candy stripers in the hospital. We turned old enough last week.”

“No” Castiel interjected firmly.

“Oh come on, girls and guys would go nuts over those pretty blues, cheer up the dying patients and young children."

"No."

"Live a little, you never know what could happen.”

“That's what I'm afraid of.”

“Stop, Cassie isn't going to be a stripper. He’s too young.” He gave Castiel a tight hug and whispered in his ear “if you need me, I'm a Skype call away. I am always here for you to talk to.”

“Until you start going to pubs and eating haggis with your Scottish friends, and forget about us.”

“I can promise you I will never, ever… eat haggis.” 

Castiel, Gabe, and Michael all laughed in unison at that.

“What’s so funny?” Alfie asked cheerfully. The three boys turned to see their little cousin wearing a crown holding a back from burger king walking towards them. Their aunt was walking next to him and rolled her eyes in annoyance as she followed after him. 

She handed a stack of magazines to Michael, “We couldn't decide, so we got you all of them.” 

“Thanks, Aunt Jody,” Michael said with a smile as he grabbed the stack.

Aunt Jody smiled at him with tears welling up in her eyes. “That's Road & Track, it doesn't sound that interesting, but if you stick with it…” Jody cut herself off with a choked laugh and pulled him into a hug, “Come here kid.”

She held Michael in a tight hug for a bit. “Please be safe, carry your mace with you, always wear a condom, make sure you always ask for consent. Consent is _very_ important-”

“Aunt Jody please, for my sake. Stop talking. I promise you I haven't forgotten the speech you gave last night. And the night before.” Michael just hugged him tighter in response.

Jody finally pulled away from the hug, “right, I’m sorry. I ramble because I care.”

“I know Aunt Jody, and I love you for that.” Jody smiled at him and gave him one last hug.

“Alright, let me go. Please I gotta go. My plane is gonna depart soon.”

“Okay.” Aunt Jody choked out. She let him go a fixed his hair, “I love you I’m going to miss you.” 

Michael smiled and gave Alfie a hug, “keep an eye on the idiots for me will you kid?”

“Pfft, obviously.” Alfie gave him a big toothy grin. At that Michael straightened up and nodded.

He grabbed his suitcase and walked towards his gate.

“Think he'll turn around and wave goodbye?” Gabe asked, nudging Castielin the side.  
“No, that's not Michael,” Castiel said seriously.

Of course, as soon as he said that, Michael turned around and waved, proving Castiel wrong. Something which Gabe and Jody proceeded to tease him for, for at least an hour afterward. Mainly because Castiel had been a drama queen. 

At one point Gabe tried to convince Jody who was still sniffling over Michael leaving. After an hour of arguing Castiel then found himself at a pet shelter on the main street.

“How did you manage this?” Castiel hissed to Gabriel while Alfie played with a tiny corgi.

“I don’t know, but I am loving this,” Gabe said excitedly. He ran over towards a small kitten who was playing with a scratching post. Castiel decided to remain where he was while the rest of his family was going around looking at pets that Jody would eventually say no to when she regained her senses.

“Not an animal person?” A young voice asked Castiel

He turned to face a young boy who was sitting playing with a shaggy brown dog on the floor. He looked familiar but not in a way that Castiel had even talked to him before. 

“No, I expect my aunt to turn around and change her mind any second. What is the point in getting invested in a dog somebody else will adopt?”

“Wow, that’s ice cold.” The kid smiled crookedly and laughed, “well same goes for me and my brother. But I figured I would hang out with this good boy while I wait for him to change his mind.”

“Your brother?”

“Yeah, at least once a week I trick him into thinking he wants a dog and we come to hang out here for an hour before he comes to his senses." Sam leaned toward Cas with a conspiratory grin, "If you ask me though, he only does it cause he wants to hang with the dogs too and knows it makes me happy.”

Castiel nodded and turned back to face his own brother. “Your brother sounds like a good person.”

“Yeah, don’t let him hear you say that though. It will affect his manliness.” The boy laughed at his own joke. “Oh look, that one seems to like you.” Castiel looked down to see a large dog hobble over to him on three legs and start sniffing his shoes. 

“What do I do?” He asked panicked. 

“Relax man, he’s getting to know you. Let him sniff your hand and let him. Er well,” the kid blushed, “her.”

Castiel followed his instructions. The dog licked his hand and wagged his tail a little before plopping down on his foot. The boy smiled widely at him and went back to letting the dog in his lap. 

“I'm Samuel, by the way. But everyone just calls me Sam.”

“Nice to meet you, Sam. My name is Castiel.”

“Castiel? Weird name,” Sam said good-naturedly. 

“So I have heard,” he replied dryly. Sam opened his mouth to reply but a gruff voice interrupted him. 

“Sammy, let's get out of here. Bella wants to meet up for some lunch and I think she wants to- Woah hey Castiel” Castiel looked up to see none other than Dean Winchester. School heartthrob and resident assbutt. 

Also, coincidentally, the topic of one of his love letters. The story of how he got in the mix was kind of embarrassing to modern-day Castiel.

In middle school, he and Dean had been best friends along with Bella and Anna. At Bella's birthday party in middle school, she had pulled Cas to the side.

-+-

_"Hey Cas," Bella whispered, "I need you to do me a favor."_

_"Your favors usually end up with me getting in trouble with my dad."_

_"Well, this one won't, I promise."_ _She gave Cas the biggest puppy eyes and held his hand. "Please? I'll tell my mom to get a veggie pizza instead of just cheese. I know you like veggie better."_

_Cas sighed, "what's the favor."_

_"I really like Dean, but I don't wanna say anything. Can you suggest we play spin the bottle?" She had her fingers crossed and eyes bright with excitement._

_Cas sighed, "only if you get garlic bread crust on the pizza too."_

_"Deal!" Bella chirped and they shook on it. "Although, we should probably play spin the bottle before the garlic bread crust."  
_

_"Good point."  
_

_So, five minutes later Castiel had awkwardly corralled most of Bella's guests to play spin the bottle. Dean had laughed and said "I'm only playing if you're playing man" then dragged him into the circle against his protestations._

_Bella grabbed the bottle, "hottest first!" She spun the bottle and it landed on their friend Charlie. She frowned but leaned over to kiss the girl and sat back down in disappointment. The next person kissed was Castiel. Both him and Charlie pretended to gag afterward._

_Castiel then spun the bottle, praying that it landed on Bella so she could get another chance to try and kiss Dean. Unfortunately, that was not the case._

_"Come on Dean," Bella scoffed, "you can't kiss a boy."_

_"Come on Bella," Dean smiled good-naturedly, "rule are rules. Pucker up Cas." Then he leaned forward and lifted up Cas' chin and gently laid a short kiss on his lips. Afterward, Castiel just stared at him in what he hoped looked like shock, trying to squash the butterflies flying around his belly._

_He looked over at Bella who was absolutely fuming and then turned back to look at Dean who was already spinning the bottle again._

-+-

“Oh, you know my brother?” Sam asked, interrupting his memory. “I am truly sorry for that. He’s a huge ass.”

“Sammy, shut your pie hole,” Dean laughed woodenly and punched his brother. 

“My name is Castiel. Not Cas." Castiel cursed himself for that being the only thing he could say.

After the kiss, Castiel had been really confused about whether he had feelings for Dean and had been really awkward around him. Eventually, Dean got tired of him being weirder than usual and stopped talking to him. Since then they hadn't spoken a word to each other.

“Riiiight, okay?” Dean raises an eyebrow and held up his hands in mock surrender. “Sorry man didn’t mean to hit a sore spot. Sammy, come on let’s go.”

Sam got up and gave the dog a kiss on the forehead. “Sorry bones, maybe next week.”

“We aren’t coming back.”

“Okay, Dean.” Sam nodded seriously. He turned back to Castiel, “it was nice to meet you Castiel!”

As they walked away Gabe walked up to Castiel holding a kitten and nudged him conspiratorially, “chatting you Dean Winchester? Maybe you can dethrone Bella from her perch.”

“I can assure you that is not what it looked like. I was talking to his brother Sam.”

“Sam? He’s the freshman right?”

“No clue. I just met him.”

“Well well well,” Gabe smiled, “Cassid talking to a freshman he doesn’t know. I can’t believe you are scoring with the jailbait.”

Castiel glared at him and proceeded to pet the dog who was asleep in his foot. “I plan to be like Michael, single for college.”

“You are only saying that cause you don’t want to put effort into asking somebody out.” Castiel’s silence seemed to just excite Gabe more, fortunately his brother didn’t say anything. “Who’s the dog?”

“Uh,” Castiel reached for the paper collar around his neck and felt his heart fall as he read the name, “Luke.” He and Gabe sat in silence for a bit and the dog continues to sleep. Occasionally rubbing his belly. 

“You guys talking to old Luke?” A friendly girl at the shelter walked up to them. “Hi my names Ruby, I work here.”

“Hey Ruby,” Gabe winked at the girl.

“Ignore my brother please,” Castiel said. He elbowed his brother in the gut. “Yes, we are ‘talking’ to Luke. Although it is very one-sided and he does not seem to be responding.”

Ruby laughed, “you’re a cute kid. Old Luke here has been around for a couple of months. He's about six years old so he’s having a hard time getting adopted. That, and he’s missing a leg and is super aloof when it comes to most people. Seems like he likes you though.”

“Yes, that is what Sam said.”

“Well, you wanna adopt him?” Ruby smiled as she asked. Castiel looked down at Luke again and gave him forehead a quick scratch. The dog looked up at him with sleepy happy eyes and jumped up to lick his face, accidentally unbalancing himself in his excitement. Castiel sat down and let the dog wiggle into his lap and lay down, letting out a noise of surprise at how heavy it was.

“Oh yeah, we’ll take him. Aunt Jody!” Gabe called out. Jody walked over from where Alfie was playing with a puppy.

“What’s up kid?”

“I know you came here to get over puppy fever but look!” Gabe gestured towards Castiel, “they're bonding!”

Jody smiled and leaned down to pet Luke, “well aren’t you just the sweetest boy?” Luke looked up at her and sniffed her hand before laying his head pack down in Castiel’s lap. 

“Do you want him Cas? He seems to like you the most. Cas smiled down at the dog and nodded. Jody smiled knowingly, “how much?”

“Well with his age we usually charge 100 but since he is missing 25% I will give you 25% off.” She smiled and laughed at her joke. Jody just stared her down with her ‘I am not amused and what you said was rude and you should apologize to that dog right now’ face. Ruby swallowed uncomfortably, “sorry Luke.”

Jody gave her a tight smile, “$75? Where do I sign?” 

Ten minutes late saw them walking out of the shelter with Luke on a leash following Castiel around like he had a giant steak in his hand.

“Thank you Jody, he seems like a good companion. I really appreciate you helping me get him.”

“Yeah yeah, let’s just go get some food and a bed from him. I hope you know taking care of him is your responsibility. I’ll pay for the supplies if you do the manual labor.”

“Deal,” Cas replied happily. 

“Also I want pictures of you for the first day of school tomorrow,” Jody warned him.

Castiel and Gabe groaned in annoyance but followed her into the car.


	3. Chapter 3

Unfortunately for Castiel, Jody made sure to remember her promise on Monday. When she walked out of the house holding her camera and wearing a big smile Castiel felt his stomach drop. 

“Come on Castiel,” she said good-naturedly when she saw the look on her face, “It's only gonna take a second. Just smile.” He groaned but stood next to his brother and cousin. 

“Cheese!” Alfie shouted excitedly.

“You’re only excited cause you're starting middle school,” Gabe complained with a forced smile, “I gotta go deal with Mr. Walker for my first period.”

“Why does he hate you again?” Castiel asked.

“Might have gotten into a screaming match over him giving me a B in history class when I deserved an A.” Gabe dropped his smile when Jody put the camera away then turned towards Castiel, “In my defense, Clara Barton is a lot more important than he seemed to think she was.”

“Well, you better not get expelled on your first-day kid,” Jody joked in a tone that was not at all joking. Gabe laughed at that but she gave him a stink eye and he closed his mouth quickly.

“Sixth grade and senior year can hardly believe it.” Jody took one more picture of the three of them and smiled wide. 

“Surprised that Gabe hasn’t gotten himself killed?” Castiel asked wryly.

“Exactly, you get it.” Jody laughed and Castiel cracked a small smile “Okay, you ready to go?”

“Yes,” Castiel awkwardly shook the keys in the air.

“Ooh, one sec.” Alfie ran into the house and then came back out with two helmets. Gabe started dying in laughter.

“I knew I liked you for a reason.”

“I’m your cousin?”

“Give me those,” Jody snatched the helmets from out of his hand. “Stop making fun of Castiel.”

“Alright. Castiel, I promise to stop making fun of you until you fail at parking again.” Castiel chose not to acknowledge that.

“Just get in the car,” he grumbled. Gabe and Alfie laughed as they fought over riding shotgun.

-*-

Ten minutes later saw Alfie dropped off at school and Castiel and Gabe pulling into the parking lot. 

“Ten points if you hit Bradbury,” Gabe gestured towards the redhead running walking by them with headphones in, dancing to some song.

“Don’t be a dick, Gabe.” Castiel carefully pulled into a parking spot that was surrounded by other empty spots. He got out of the car and looked around to make sure he was in his lines. The answer: just barely. He considered it good enough so he turned off his engine and told Gabe to get out.

“Cassie, it is a miracle you got your license.”

“Parking in a spot isn’t part of the driving test,” Castiel reminded Gabe.

“Luckily for you,” Gabe muttered. “I’m gonna go find Kali. You good without Michael?”

“Yes, I do know how to function without him around.” Castiel put his keys in his bag and began walking towards the school doors. “Besides, I am just gonna go look for Jo. She said she wanted to show me something this morning.”

“Okay, ten bucks says it is a new knife collection her mom bought her.”

“She wouldn’t bring a knife collection to school,” Castiel scoffed. Gabe just gave him a look. “I’m pretty sure,” Castiel added with uncertainty.

“Well, I’ll catch up with you here after school. Try not to get caught with her knife collection!” With that, Gabe ran ahead and left Castiel alone.

Castiel went to his locker first, passing by Anna who ducked her head when he walked by to avoid eye contact. Castiel tried not to let it get to him. When he got to his locker found a pack of gum and an old history notebook full of sketches of castles. Thanks to the gum his locker smelled minty fresh.

Somebody slammed the locker door in front of him and dramatically draped herself across the locker in front of him. 

“Oh Castiel, you got so sexy and tall over the summer. Take me now, I was going to save myself for marriage but your rugged looks are making me want to fuck you.”

Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes, “hey Jo.”

“Hey Cassie,” the blonde girl winked then stood up normally. “Is that a no to sex?”

“Yes Jo, that would be a no to sex. Also, my name isn’t Cassie”

She pouted, “shame. I figured it would get the incest point off my rice purity score. Ya know, since you’re like a brother to me.”

“Jo, you are making it needlessly weird again. Why are you like this?”

“Just testing to see if you pulled a Bella and got mean when you got hot.” 

Castiel shooed her and opened his locker. He opened his bag and put his textbooks away, “since when does being almost six feet tall equate to being hot?”

“Are you kidding me?” Jo asked. “Are you really going to play dumb about puberty hitting you like a train? You lost the braces and got some cheekbones. If you learn how to dress and actually brush your hair occasionally?” Jo shrugged and leaned next to him on a locker, “knockout status.”

Castiel looked down at his trenchcoat and looked back up a Jo. “Is there something wrong with this?”

“Yes Castiel, you look like you are cosplaying Constantine. We are in high school. At least lose the suit.”

He closed his locker and sighed again. He turned to face Jo, but in the process he accidentally shoulder checked somebody walking by.

“Ow! Excuse you.” Castiel looked up as a very annoyed Bella rounded on him wielding her phone.

“Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention,” Castiel tried to stammer out an apology.

“Oh, it's you,” her annoyance turned into a look of disdain.

Castiel tried to not get upset. After the whole ‘kissing Dean’ debacle, she had stopped talking to him and put his home phone number on a craigslist ad saying he was “a sexy single woman looking for a night of fun.” The calls that his dad got afterward made them need to change their home number and get craigslist to take down the ad. Bella ended up suspended and she hadn’t forgiven him since.

“Cute trench coat.” She smiled and Castiel waited for the end of whatever mean jibe she was about to make. “The sixties called, they want it back.”

“It was my father’s.”

“Well thank goodness he isn’t here to see you wear it.” Castiel instinctively grabbed Jo before she could go for her jugular.

“He actually gave it to me before he died, so I think he would be okay with it.”

“He looks amazing you evil hag.” Jo fought against Castiel to try and get to Bella. “Why are you holding me back shes talking shit about your dad!”

Castiel didn’t know how to tell her that Bella had been making these kinds of jokes since she had found out about his dad’s death, she just usually made sure to make them were nobody else heard. This was probably just her wanting to start the school year harassment off strong.

“I know, just calm down. I don’t want you expelled.”

“Awe look, Cassie needs the little girl to fight his battles for him.” Bella sneered. 

“Woah, hey babe,” Dean swept in while Castiel once again grabbed Jo. He wrapped his arms around Bella and pulled her to his chest. His green eyes caught the light and made them seem multi

“Oh!” Bella smiled. “Hi.”

“How ya doing?” Dean asked with a tight smile. He looked at Castiel and Jo and raised an eyebrow at the obvious struggle between them.

“I'm good. How are you?” Bella smiled and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Good,” Dean replied. He looked back at Castiel and Jo but Castiel ducked his head to avoid eye contact.

“So I was just complimenting Cassie on his Halloween costume.” Castiel looked up to see Dean’s smile falter. “Come on,” Bella added, “I see someone we need to say hi to.” Bella whipped around and began to walk towards a group of seniors. 

“Tell Satan I said hi,” Jo called after her. Then, she glared up at Dean, “don’t you gotta go after her majesty.”

Dean sat there awkwardly, “she just stopped drinking caffeine for some diet, I think she's in withdrawal. I’m sorry about whatever she said.” He offered a half-smile at Castiel who kept a straight face.

“Are you sure she isn’t just a demon in human form?” Dean laughed but Castiel kept staring him down. 

Dean coughed, “Right… I gotta- go over there now.” He gestured over toward where Bella left towards then proceeded to back away awkwardly.   
Castiel turned back to Jo, “I thought you said you hated this look.”

“Oh I do, but when I tease it is from a place of love. When Bella teases it is from a place of pure evil and skankiness.” She slung an arm over his shoulder but he was too tall so she settled for just pushing his back to get him moving in the direction she wanted him to move in. “Besides, the coat is cool. Now let’s go, I wanna show you my thing. 

Castiel let himself get herded but looked back for a brief second to see Dean watching him go. Unfortunately, Jo noticed. 

“What’s up with you and Winchester by the way?”

“W-what?” Castiel sputtered. 

“I saw that. You two practically had a conversation. I thought you two were still pretending the other didn’t exist.”

Castiel cocked his head in confusion, “he was just apologizing for Bella being rude.”

“ _Exactly_ my point.” Jo jabbed a finger into his side. “He never apologizes to anybody. Come on this way.” Jo led them into an art room and showed him towards an easel covered in canvas in the back. 

“Maybe when I grew half a foot he grew a conscience?” Castiel suggested. He looked warily they canvas, “please don’t tell me you knifed somebody's art project.”

“What?” Jo looked at him in confusion then looked back at the easel. “No? I spent the summer working as a janitor here and the art teacher let me get started on work for my AP art portfolio.” She waggled her eyebrows ar Castiel, “they are nude drawings of you, you sexy angel.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and shuddered, “I very much doubt the college board would appreciate a nude of somebody who is just barely legal.”

Jo pouted, “okay, you’re right. But I still am proud of this. Ready?”

“Yes,” Castiel said solemnly.

Jo slouched, “where is your flair for the dramatic dude?”

Castiel repressed rolling his eyes and force a big smile across his face, “let’s go Jo!” He punched a fist in the air and forced as much enthusiasm in his tone as he could muster.

“Hmm, could be better but I will accept it.” She smiled big and gripped the ends of the canvas. “Prepare to be wowed.”

She ripped the canvas down to show a picture of Castiel, thankfully not naked. He had big black wings that looked like they had just been through a hurricane. His actual body was covered in a tattered white t-shirt and crouched holding a child in his arms who was wearing a cheap-looking crown. Tears were on the angel’s face as it stared down at the child.

“Dark, also not a nude. You really got my hopes up Harvelle” 

“Shut up,” Jo laughed, “I want my theme to be “the supernatural is real” and stuff. I did you because Cassiel is the Angel of Sorrow and the death of kings. The youth have the potential to be so much, to rule the world. So when a child dies a king or queen dies.”

“Wow Jo, that is _very_ dark.”

“Yeah but the people at college board go nuts over angsty stuff. I am definitely going to get a four on this at _least_.” Castiel did have to admit that even though the meaning was dark it was still a gorgeous painting. 

“How long did this take you?” He asked as he gently ran his finger over a feather floating in the background.

“Oh you have no idea, I actually had to paint it twice because one of the summer classes they run out of here ruined it. Don’t ask me how, but the kid tore the paper in half.” Jo frowned as she flicked a bit of dust off the corner, “after that, I just decided to keep it in the closet at night.”

“So why was it out here?”

“I came here early to set it up for dramatic effect.” Jo fidgeted nervously as Castiel examine the painting. “Well, do you like it?”

Castiel tried a reassuring smile, “although it is weird you painted me it is very beautiful yes.”

“Oh good,” Jo smiled in relief, “I didn’t want to send it in unless you were cool with it, since it is you after all. I was going to paint your brothers as Michael and Lucifer next. Kind of makes them two people on either side of a protest arguing at each other. Make sure then look sad and angry at the same time ya know?”

“You do know that Gabriel is also an angel right? He was god’s messenger?”

Her eyes widened, “oh my gosh I can paint him as a news reporter or something. This is genius!” Jo ran over to a drawer and grabbed a sketchbook and began to trace something out in pencil. “Do you think you could Gabe to pose?”

“I think if you ask Gabe to pose he would try and show up naked,” Castiel warned her, but Jo was starting to ramble about her ideas and she even said something about demons and hellhounds and he lost focus. 

“I’m just gonna get to homeroom, please don’t be late for yours,” Castiel reminded her. She just waved him off and continued to sketch. He smiled and walked out to find his homeroom. 

-+-

Anna finally spoke to Castiel at lunch. He was sitting on the bleachers trying to write down ideas for his novel. Jo had decided to just eat in the art room so she could keep up her work on the portfolio. The autumn air was cool and smelled like the freshly painted turf. He was so absorbed in his writing he did not hear her coming until she was already there.

“Hey,” her quiet voice broke through his train of thought. He looked up startled and his eyes made contact with hers

“Oh, hello Anna.” He wasn’t sure what she was doing talking to him, considering her asking for space.

“Um, is this seat taken?” She shifted awkwardly and played with the strap on her backpack.   
Castiel looked around himself at all the empty bleachers and raised an eyebrow at her,  “uh, Yeah… No.” 

She nodded and sat down next to him and pulled a thermos from her bag that smelled like tomato soup. “Want a bit?” She held it towards him.

They sat in silence for a while after, only the sound of the bored kids running around in gym class and goofing off could be heard. Castiel had always been fine sitting in the quiet and minding his own business but Anna tended to get uncomfortable with it. Soon enough she spoke up.

“I…” Anna stopped and played with the mouth of her thermos, “I gotta ask… did he tell you he was gonna do it?”

“What?” Castiel asked, not following what she was trying to ask.

“Did you know Michael was going to dump me? Because I just figure you guys talk about everything, right? So..” Oh, now he understood...

“He didn't tell me about this,” Castiel assured her. Anna nodded and looked straight ahead across the field with a blank face. Castiel looked closer at her and saw that her eyes looked swollen and red like she had been crying. Castiel put down his notebook and pulled her into a hug which she awkwardly returned. 

“I’m sorry for what I said to you yesterday.” She mumbled into his shoulder.

“We're still cool, right?” Castiel asked. “We can still talk and… you know, kick it?”

“Ugh…” Anna pushed him away, “don't say "kick it." You sound like my dad trying to be cool.” She laughed at the frown on Castiel’s face from the teasing. “Yes, we are cool. Dork.” She playfully punched his shoulder and took another sip of her soup.

“Good,” Castiel said, turning back to his writing. 

“Good.” Castiel didn’t need to look to know Anna was flashing one of her brilliant smiles at him. He heard her rustle around in her back for a moment and the crackle of a wrapper, “want a chip?”

Castiel held out a hand without looking up and felt it being placed in his hand. When he went to take a bite he was shocked by the taste of vinegar. He coughed and choked it out. Anna started cackling with laughter. 

“You couldn’t have told me it was salt and vinegar?” Castiel sulked. Anna just laughed harder. Castiel smiled, feeling a lot better than he did that morning. 

-+-

Castiel was waiting in the car, worrying about his crush on Anna and how horrible of a brother he was for liking his ex-girlfriend. He was glad they were cool but it brought up a whole other swarm of issues in his head. Thankfully, Gabe knocking on his window snapped him out of his thought process.

“Hey Asstiel, unlock the car.” Castiel crawled over the seat to pull up the lock in the door. The car he had taken to school was a crappy Lincoln Continental and the lock on the passenger door was not automatic anymore, the windows only rolled down halfway, and there was the old smell of weed from when his dad used to smoke in it. Unfortunately, the door issue meant that every time somebody needed to get in the passenger side, somebody else needed to climb in through the driver's side and undo the lock.

“Hey man, heard you talked to Anna earlier. She cool with you yet?” Gabe pulled out a joint and began to roll it up.

Castiel smacked it out of his hand, “how many times do I need to tell you not to smoke in here? And how did you know about that? Is the gossip mill really that slow today?”   
Gabe grumbled as he put away the joint, “no, I just was looking out for my brother. Making sure that he isn’t involved in any scandals.”

Castiel rolled his eyes at that and began to put his car into reverse to pull out of the spot, “please, talking to Anna is hardly scandalous. We’ve been friends for years.”

“Well I also heard you threw down with Bella and tried to kill Winchester today, but I’m guessing that story is exaggerated?”

That got a laugh out of Castiel and he began to back out, “you are correct, that is largely exag-oof!” Castiel got cut off as the back of his car hit something. He looked up in his rearview window to see Dean Winchester’s eyes. Castiel sighed and closed his eyes as Gabe started dying in laughter.

“Damn, I really should have brought a helmet.”

Castiel watched in horror as Dean walked up to his window and knocked on it. Castiel felt a blush rise on his face as the glass rolled down. 

“Hi.” Dean flashed him one of his cocky smiles. He was dressed in his workout clothes and had a bunch of sweat already dripping down his forehead.

“Hi,” Castiel replied, staring down at the wheel.

“How are you doing?”

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Gabe was still laughing next to him while Castiel tried not to die of mortification.

“You know people usually check behind them before they reverse to avoid killing others,” Dean said in a conversational tone, “ it's a thing we do.” Thankfully, he didn’t sound very mad.

“I am sorry for hitting you Dean, are you hurt?” Castiel looked up into those green eyes for a second which had crinkled into a smile before looking back at the wheel.

“Nah, I’m good Cas. Think you're gonna be able to make it out of the parking lot without committing manslaughter?” Dean sounded almost like he was teasing him.

“Yeah. We're fine. Also, my name is Castiel. Not Cas”

“Really?” Dean said. “You just hit me with a car and you are most worried about me calling you Cas?”

“Well, you said you are okay so that is the current issue yes.” He looked back up at Dean and held his gaze. 

Dean coughed uncomfortably, “well I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Yes, I am. Um, so you should just… go, seriously.” Castiel gestured towards Dean’s baseball buddies who were goofing around by the fence waiting for him.

“Sure, whatever you say, Novak.” He looked past Castiel and looked at Gabe as if he just noticed he was there, “and you too other Novak.” He then pulled his head away from the window and ran towards his friends. 

Gabe had the decency to wait until he was out of earshot before speaking up, “am I the only one wondering what the hell was that? I thought you and Winchester didn’t speak anymore?”

Castiel stared after Dean, “yeah, I thought the same thing too.” He then turned to Gabe, “alright. You’re driving.”

“Oh thank god.” Gabe got out of the car to swap seats with him 


	4. Chapter 4

A couple of weeks later Jody, Alfie, and Cas were sitting on the couch playing Gin while Gabe was off with one of his friends from the debate club. Well, that was what he said, but Castiel was fairly certain he was making out with Kali and getting high behind the bleachers at school. The radio was playing some weird podcasts about birds. 

Old Luke was asleep on the floor next to Castiel while they played, occasionally looking up to beg for a treat. Castiel pretended he didn’t notice when Alfie or Jody threw him one.

“What do you think Michael is doing tonight?” Jody wondered out loud while she discarded.

“Crack,” Alfie replied seriously, with zero hesitation. Jody and Castiel turned to him with raised eyebrows.

“Alfie, why would you say that? How do you even know what crack is?” Jody asked. Castiel took his turn and picked up from the discard pile. He decided it would be in his best interest to handle this conversation.

“It's how Scottish people say fun,” Alfie replied innocently, “right? Like, "You're a good craic." I looked it up.” Jody breathed a sigh of relief that she didn’t need to give her 11-year-old the drug talk.

“It's weird not having him here, huh?” Jody changed the subject as she took her turn and gestured for Alfie to take his.

“It's weird not having Anna here, too. She was the only one who was any competition for me.” Alfie put all his cards down. “Gin.” Old Luke got up and limped over to his food bowl to eat.

“Damn,” Jody cursed and she swept up the rest of the cards to reshuffle. “So what's the score? Alfie 10, Cas and I zero?” She expertly dealt out cards to them.

“Yeah. Speaking of losing epically, that reminds me, I had a great idea Castiel.”

“What would that be?” Castiel replied absentmindedly. He grabbed his cards from Jody and began to organize himself. She had dealt him three aces to begin which was _always_ nice.

“Well, you hate driving right?”

“I hate parking, but continue.”

“Well, if you were dating somebody, then maybe you wouldn't have to drive at all 'cause they would take us places. Less needing to worry about running over a poor guy just walking to practice.”

“If that's what it takes, I think you're stuck with me,” Cas replied. Then what Alfie said finally registered to him. “Will you not let it go? Dean was fine. I barely tapped him.”

“Twice,” Jody reminded him. Castiel glared at her in betrayal and took his turn. The traitor shrugged as she followed him, taking her own turn.

Alfie sighed, “look Castiel, It's not that I want you to date somebody just for them to give you rides…”

Castiel looked up from his cards, “oh?” 

“Don't you find it kinda depressing that it's Saturday night, and you're playing cards with your aunt and little cousin?

“No, spending time with you two in enjoyable.” Jody smiled at that but Alfie frowned.

“Okay, I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, but, Castiel, I'm 11 and I _canceled_ plans to be here tonight. My mom canceled a date with the hot sheriff from two towns over because she felt bad about leaving you here alone. And well, you're 18 and a senior in high school, and I don't think you had anything else going on, am I right?”

“Alfie,” Jody scolded him, “apologize now.”

“What!” Alfie protested, “it's the truth!”

Castiel turned to Jody, “you finally got Donna to agree to a date?” Jody blushed, the sight was very strange to Castiel, considering Jody was the perpetually ‘nice but very strict aunt.’ He smiled at her, “that is great Aunt Jody! You shouldn’t have canceled.”

“Well I wanted to spend time with you,” Jody insisted, “you’re leaving for college next year!”

“And she felt bad about leaving you home alone just working on your novel all night,” Alfie added. Castiel looked at Jody who didn’t deny it.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said guiltily.

Alfie shrugged, “the truth hurts, Castiel.” Castiel looked down at his cards and tried not to feel bad about ruining the night for his family. He took his turn.

“Alright Alfie, you’re up.”

Alfie took his turn and grinned widely, “Gin!” Castiel and Jody groaned in defeat as Castiel began to reshuffle.

-+-

Another week later, Castiel and Jo were doing laps for gym class. Despite his jogging over the summer, Jo was easily beating him in the race that they were not having. They had already lapped everyone else.

“So, whatcha do last night?” Jo asked conversationally. Castiel looked at her sideways to see she hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“I finished the first draft of my next novel, it's really rough but I'm just glad it’s over. Now, the editors get to butcher it and I could not care less”

“Was it another bodice ripper?” Castiel chose not to answer that. Jo laughed, “come on, at least tell me what this one is about.”

Castiel wished he could bury his head in the sand, “it’s a medieval peasant woman who seduced a prince who was betrothed to her sister. 

Jo laughed at that. “I can’t believe that the famous Misha Collins is none other than dorky Castiel Novak. You know I saw Bella reading one the other day?”

Castiel raised an eyebrow, “I highly doubt that. I write them to target middle-aged women unhappy with their marriage.”

“Well she did break up with Winchester a couple of weeks ago, so she's got half of the traits down.” She elbowed him as they passed by Charlie who was pretending to jog while on her phone. “Maybe spending so much time being an evil spawn aged her a couple of years and she is mentally middle-aged.” They jogged in silence for a few seconds before Jo added, “ I bet if you told her you were Misha Collins she might stop bullying you.”

That got a short laugh out of Castiel, “if I told Bella, I would be the butt end of countless jokes. I would prefer to keep it so only my family, you, and Anna knew.” 

Jo rolled her eyes, “whatever. Just promise to never make me read another one.”

“Don't worry Jo, I can assure you that the only reason I am still writing is that my contract asked for one more book like this. After I send this in, I am all done with trashy novels.”

“Remember the pizza man and the babysitter?” Jo asked.

“Don’t remind me,” Castiel growled. Jo opened her mouth, undoubtedly to tease him some more. Fortunately, she was interrupted by Dean calling after Castiel.

“Hey! Cas, can I talk to you?”

Jo looked at Castiel, “so he can call you Cas but I can’t?”

“Well, I _did_ hit him with my car. Twice.”

“Fair enough.”

“Cas!” Dean called and he ran up beside him and kept pace with his jog.

“Um, me?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah. You, you see anybody else named Cas out here?” Castiel gestured towards Cassie Robinson who was sitting with Lisa Braeden on a bench. Dean followed his gesture and rolled his eyes in defeat. “Okay, fair point.” Dean started panting as he ran with them, “why are you guys running so fast?”

“Can’t you tell we are trying to run away from your bullshit?” Jo asked. Despite her words, she still slowed down to a walk. Castiel and Dean followed her lead.

“Ha good one.”

“Hey, Winchester, I heard Bella dumped you for a college student, that true?” Jo smiled wickedly at Dean.

“I heard you castrated the last guy who asked you out,” Dean fired back.

“Tried to, his dick was so small I couldn’t find it though.”

Dean laughed at that for a couple of seconds while Jo smiled, proud of her joke. Dean’s laugh died out then he gestured awkwardly to Castiel. “I need to talk to… I need to talk to Cas.” He scratched at his head.

Jo nodded and started to stretch her arms, “okay.”

Dean stared her down pointedly, “Alone.”

Her eyes widened, “oh!”

“I think Jo needs to stay here, she’s my jogging partner.” Castiel tried to shoot Jo a pleading look. 

Jo just smiled at that and began to jog away from them towards the school. “If you need me, I'll be in the art room working on the portfolio. Have fun, you crazy kids!” Castiel glared at his traitorous friend as she jogged away. Dean stopped walking and Castiel stopped with him, not wanting to be rude. He stared at the track ahead and debated sprinting to escape from Dean.

“Look,” Dean started, “I wanted to say that I really… I appreciate it, but it's never gonna happen”

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head in confusion. Dean had been acting weird since school started, and this just added to it. “I'm sorry, what?”

“From what I remember that kiss was not hot as you seemed to think it was, since we were, ya know, in seventh grade? And I think it's really cool you think I have ‘eyes as green as sea glass with flecks of gold when it catches the light.’ It's just,” Dean had read that entire thing from a familiar piece of paper in his hand that Castiel hadn’t noticed before. He felt his world start to swim in a panic since he had written that exact line in a letter he wrote in seventh grade. 

“Bella and I are in a really weird place right now.” Dean continued speaking, “also I’m not gay, so I don't know what you hoped to accomplish--whoa!” Castiel had stopped focusing as his world got dizzy. Black swirling in his vision until eventually, it was all he could see.

-+-

“Hey, Cas,” a voice cut through the blackness. “Cas! Castiel wake up,” the voice commanded. “Hello? Hey, can I get some help over here?”

Castiel blinked open to a pair of worried green eyes set in a freckled face. When those eyes made contact with his they filled with relief. Castiel groaned and shut his eyes again but a fair of firm hands shook his shoulders.

“Hey. Hey… Wake up! Are you okay?” 

Castiel opened his eyes again, searching for Dean’s. “What happened?”

“Uh,” Dean scratched the back of his head, “you fainted?” Oh... Okay. “Here, give me your hand.” Dean grabbed Castiel's right hand with his own, “And the other one, too.” Castiel grudgingly offered his other hand and let himself be pulled to an upward sitting position. “Come on, you got this. Here we go. And you're up.” 

Castiel took a deep breath in the sitting position, trying to make sense of what happened. Dean had a letter he had written and hidden in his room in seventh grade, cool. Castiel had found out and panicked so badly he fainted. Also, very cool.

“Want me to call someone, get you some water?” Dean asked with concern in his voice.

“No, I'm okay.” Castiel waved him off. He rubbed at his eyes trying to get rid of the last of the fuzz.

“You sure?” Castiel looked up to tell him he was okay again but something even worse than Dean having that letter. Anna walking towards him with determination, gripping a piece of paper of her own.

“Oh, my God,” Castiel muttered in horror.

“What?” Dean asked, looking towards Anna.

Castiel panicked again, if Anna confronted Castiel then Michael would definitely find out. He needed her to stop walking towards him and eradicate any thought of Castiel still having feelings for her. So, he did the first thing he could think of.

“I’m so sorry Dean,” he apologized. Then, he pulled Dean down into a kiss before he could ask what he meant.

The kiss was sweaty and chaste. For the couple of seconds that Castiel held his face to his own, Dean was completely frozen in shock. He didn’t manage to gather himself before Castiel pushed him away. Castiel’s stomach was flipping with anxiety, hoping that Anna had seen that.

“Oh... Okay. Wha…” Dean was bright red and extremely flustered. He kept gaping at Castiel like a fish and stared at him blankly. Castiel looked up to see Anna had frozen where she stood and staring at him

“Hey!” The gym teacher yelled at them, startling Castiel and Dean out of their stupor, “Stop that! Two more laps for you, Novak!”

Castiel stood up and began to jog away from Dean, trying to get away from the situation he had just caused. “Thank you!” He shouted, unsure of what else to say.

“Wait... Wha…?” Castiel heard Dean say, but he just kept running, wondering how fast the rumor mill would tell everyone what he had done and how exactly he was going to explain himself to Jo and his family.


	5. Chapter 5

Instead of facing his problems head-on, Castiel decided to regroup in the men's room in the basement. Most people didn’t know about it, and Castiel only knew about it because Jo’s art class was in the basement.

This whole situation was a mess. Dean now thought Castiel had a crush on him, Anna was hopefully unsure about him having a crush on her. By now the whole school definitely thought that Castiel was gay. He had managed to hide being pansexual for most of his life and now that it was out he fully expected to be harassed for it by Bella. Great.  
Castiel heard the door to the bathroom open and held his breath, hoping the person didn’t hear him.

“Hey, Castiel, you in there?” Charlie Bradbury’s voice rang out through the bathroom.

“No?” Castiel tried. The sound of her boots walking towards him echoed. She stopped in front of the stall he was in and slid an envelope under the door with her home address written in Castiel’s handwriting on it.

“Look, I didn't mean to barge in on you. I saw you run in here and I wanted to make sure you're OK, and, uh… thought you might want that back.” Charlie swallowed audibly, “it seemed a little personal.”

Castiel knew exactly what was contained in that letter. He had written it after a middle school dance.

-+-

_Castiel was spending the dance so far as he had intended, sitting by himself reading a book while Gabe flirted with every warm body in the room. His dad had told him he wasn’t allowed to leave until Gabe was ready to go though, so he knew that he would be there until the very end. The downside to having a very outgoing twin brother._

_“Hey grumpy,” a cheerful voice rang out next to him. He looked up to see Charlie Bradbury grinning down at him. Her braces were pink instead of their usual green and she was wearing an obnoxious Hawaiian shirt with khakis._

_“Hello Charlie,” Castiel replied stoically. He turned back to his book, hoping she would leave him alone._

_“Are you really going to spend all night reading?” Charlie teased. She then looked over at the title and squealed in excitement.“Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? I love that series!” She sat down next to him, “how are you liking it so far?”_

_“This is my second time reading the series, actually. I just brought this book to the dance because it is one of the longest.”_

_Charlie smiled even wider, “and one of the best. What’s your house? Which book is your favorite? I’m definitely a Ravenclaw, and I know this is a hot take but I always_ loved _the Prisoner of Azkaban.” After that she rambled about Harry Potter for the rest of the night, filling in the silences that Castiel’s social awkwardness left._

-+-

Thanks to her, the middle school dance had actually been fun. Afterward, he had been so giddy with excitement over somebody going out of their way to talk to him that he had developed a crush on her. He wrote down about how her words put him at ease and how he could listen to her talk forever. 

“Charlie, I wrote this years ago,” Castiel replied awkwardly.

“Sixth-grade dance, right?”

“Yeah.” Castiel opened the door and walked out of the stall. 

Charlie gave him an awkward smile when he walked out. “I had a lot of fun that night, too. But I feel like I should tell you, though. You know I'm gay, right?”

He did not.

“Uh no.” Charlie smiled at that.

“But don't like, tell anyone, though. I'm out and I'm not ashamed. You know, my mom knows. My dad kinda knows. It's just..”.

“High school,” they said in unison

“But Charlie, you should know something,” Castiel said after a second of awkward silence had passed. “I wrote this _years_ ago. I was really upset and bored at the dance and you kept me company. Thanks to you I felt a lot better. But I do not have a crush, in fact, I doubt I ever did.”

Charlie smiled in relief, “oh good. But that doesn’t mean you don’t like me in a platonic way right?” Castiel nodded warily in agreement. Charlie beamed, “now that I know you like listening to me talk, good luck ever getting rid of me.”

Castiel felt a pit of dread in his stomach, that was also accompanied by a feeling of warmth for some reason. “What do you mean?

“It _means_ that you have unlocked a new best friend. Now come on, follow me to lunch peasant.” Castiel rolled his eyes and followed her out while she started to ramble about the Star Wars sequels.

-+-

Later that night, Castiel was tearing through his closet looking desperately for the shoebox he had kept the letters in. His usually spotless room was littered with messy piles of clothes. He barely acknowledged when Jody walked into the room.

“Hey, kid. Something wrong?”

“Hello, Aunt Jody.” Castiel found a shoebox but it was full of old birthday and Christmas cards. He threw that to the side and kept looking.

“I’m gonna go ahead and guess that it isn’t all good?”

Castiel stopped his frantic searching and looked up, “have you seen an orange Nike shoebox?”

“I don't know. Maybe it went out with the Goodwill boxes?” Jody suggested. “We sent them out a couple of days ago. Maybe you put it there by accident.”

“The Goodwill boxes?” Castiel tried to stifle his rising panic as he ran it by in his head. He had kind of just shoved all his clothes in the boxes that didn’t fit him anymore, and he vaguely remembered putting a couple of shoeboxes away. “No, no no no no no,” Castiel began muttering under his breath.

“Why, what’s wrong?” Jody tried to ask but she was interrupted by Gabe.

“Cas! You got some mail!” Castiel’s brother called from downstairs. Castiel ran past Jody in his doorway to see Gabe waving a letter in the air. 

“No running on the stairs!” Jody called after him, then the sound of her walking down the stairs to her office followed her order. 

“Who is Crowley?” Gabe waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Castiel as he ran into the room.

Castiel ripped the letter from his hand, “shut up.” He ran upstairs and looked at the letter. Thankfully the letter had a “return to sender” stamp on it, which meant that Crowley had never opened it. Castiel was momentarily grateful that his ten-year-old self had addressed the letter to the camp instead of Crowley’s home address. 

But, the letter to Meg had not been returned, Dean and Charlie definitely had theirs, and chances were that Anna also had the one that he sent. So, that meant the letters were out. They were out, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Castiel could only imagine how the conversation with Anna would go. “Oh yeah, that letter explaining about how I think about running my fingers through your hair and falling asleep next to you and how I’m in love with you is totally fake. Just me practice writing for my novels. What? It specifically mentions traits that are about you so it sounds like I actually _am_ in love with you? That’s crazy.”

“Maybe I should move to France,” Castiel mused to himself. “I speak french fluently, maybe they won’t follow me there?”

“What are you doing?” Alfie asked from his doorway.

“Nothing.” Castiel bit back. “Just leave me alone.”

“Castiel! Anna is here!” Jody called up.

“You never saw me!” Castiel ordered Alfie. He walked over to his window and slid it open.

“What’s going on? Alfie asked as Castiel began to climb out of his window.

“Please trust me, this is for the good of everyone.” Then, Castiel proceeded to jump out his window and fall onto the hedges underneath. “Ow!” Castiel muttered. “Ow, ow, ow. Ow!” He began to jog away from his house in the direction of the Roadhouse. He heard Luke barking from his bedroom window and Anna call out after him but he just kept running.

A while later, Castiel ran up to the Roadhouse and swung the door open.

“Heya Castiel,” Ellen Harvelle greeted him once he walked in, “the usual table?” Castiel nodded gratefully as Ellen led him to a corner booth. “One chocolate shake and a burger will be right up. Joanna Beth is at the school right now, otherwise I would have her come say hi.”

“It is okay, thank you very much, ma’am.” 

Ellen smiled warmly at him, “you just sit tight boy.”

Castiel allowed himself to relax and began to play with the peanuts in the bowl at the center of the table. The Roadhouse was his favorite spot in the whole town. After his parents had died, Ellen had taken Castiel under her wing whenever Jody was too busy with work or dealing with Gabe starting trouble. She gave him a free meal every Friday in exchange for telling her about his day. She introduced him to Jo and they had been friends since.

It was a rundown bar that Castiel technically wasn’t supposed to be in, but that is why it was perfect. Most kids from school wouldn’t step through the door in fear of incurring Ellen’s wrath. Emphasis on _most_.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said cheerfully as he slid into the booth across from Castiel.

“What are you doing here?” Castiel hissed.

“Getting a burger, obviously.” Dean smiled and waved at a waitress.

“What can I get for you, honey?” 

“Can I get a chocolate shake and a bacon cheeseburger please?” Dean smiled politely.

“Oh... Anything for your friend?” The waitress turned to Castiel.

“I’m not with him,” Castiel blurted out then winced at his rudeness. “And Ellen is getting me something anyways. Thank you though.” The waitress nodded and walked away towards the kitchen.

Dean smiled at her while she walked away. “What a nice woman.”

“Let me ask again, what are you doing here? How did you get past Ellen?”

Dean raised an eyebrow, “Ellen is Bobby’s girlfriend.” Oh right, Bobby as in Dean’s adoptive father.

“Besides, as I said before, I'm just here to take down one of those burgers.”  
\

Castiel didn’t believe him for a second, “cool.” They sat in awkward silence for a bit, the sound of the usuals sauntering in filled the air. Eventually, Ellen came by with the order for him and Dean.

“Dean, how is Bobby?” Ellen asked in a friendly tone.  
“Pretty good ma’am. I think he got tonight off if you wanna call him,” Dean said in response. 

Ellen nodded, clearly pleased with that answer. “Well, you have him call me when you get home son, okay?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Once she walked away Dean turned back to Castiel, “actually, I stopped at your house, your aunt said you'd probably be here. Just, look, I wanna be super clear. Okay?”

“Okay?” Castiel asked in confusion.

“Okay. I'm flattered, I am, but… Bella and I, like, just broke up so… Also, I’m not actually gay?”

“Are you trying to reject me right now?” Castiel asked, trying not to laugh.

Dean furrowed his brow in concentration, “Well yeah, it didn't really seem like it took the first time?”

Castiel laughed at that, “Dean Winchester, I'm not trying to date you.”

That didn’t seem to relieve Dean. “Yeah, your mouth is saying something, but then your mouth said something different, and you don’t need to be dating to try and hook up.”

“What?”

Dean gestured to nothing, “you know, when you tried to kiss me back there?”

Oh, now Castiel understood. He tried on a reassuring smile. “Okay, um... So here's the thing, I don't actually like you. I just had to make it look like I liked you so someone else wouldn't think I liked them.” Castiel ran over his words in his head and added for good measure, “also I don’t want to ‘hook up’ with you.”

Dean nodded and liked he understood. “Oh, okay.” He sat in silence for a bit. Castiel stared at Dean, waiting for the curiosity to hit him. Soon enough, it did. “Okay, who?”  
Castiel shook his head, “no, you do not get to know that.”

“Come on,” Dean complained, “you gotta tell me who this mystery stud is, otherwise I'm gonna go on believing you have a secret tattoo with my face on.”

“No,” Castiel insisted.

“Oh okay, should I tell the whole school that you wrote me a love letter then?” Dean raised an eyebrow and gave Castiel a look like he knew he just called checkmate on him.

Castiel groaned in defeat. “Okay, okay. Fine. Fine. Um… It's Anna Milton?”.

The process Dean went through to understand what Castiel said was evident and his eyes widened in shock when it finally registered. “Wait, hold on, Milton? Doesn't she date your brother?”

“Yeah… Well, she dated my brother, in the past tense. She also got a letter, so you can see how awkward and complicated that's gonna get if she thinks I like her.

“Hold on. Stop.” Dean held up his hand with a confused look on his face. “I'm not the only person that got a letter?” Castiel shook his head slowly. Dean let out a breath and leaned back. “Wow, you really think you're special, then you find out he wrote two people love letters.”

“I wrote five actually,” Castiel interrupted his sulking, “so don't go feeling too special. Also, not in love with you.”

Dean’s eyes widened almost comically, “you wrote five love letters?”

“Yeah.”

“Damn, Cas, you're a player.” Dean grinned, looking almost impressed. “Who else did you write letters to?”

Castiel rolled his eyes, “if I tell you will you leave me alone?”

Dean shrugged noncommittally, “Maybe.” That was the best Castiel figured he could ask for.

“Okay, Charlie Bradbury.”

“Okay, so you got one gay person. Unfortunately, she is a lesbian.”

Castiel looked up at Dean in surprise. “What?”

“She's... She's gay.” Dean insisted.

“You don't know that,” Castiel protested.

“Everyone knows that.” Castiel bristled at that. “Who else?” Dean asked.

“Um… Someone from camp and someone I went to Model UN with in fifth grade.” Dean nodded to show he understood that. “So, are we good here?” Castiel asked.

“What?” Dean asked. Then he registered what Castiel meant. “Um... Yeah. No, yeah, we're good.”

“Okay, great.” Castiel went to stand up.

“Wait, wait, wait. I didn’t see your car out front when I got here. Did you walk?”

“Ran, actually.”

Dean nodded slowly, “well how about I make you a deal. You finish up your food instead of blatantly trying to escape me, and I will give you a ride home. Deal?”

Castiel looked down at his burger and milkshake and his stomach growled. He sighed in defeat.

“Fine. Deal.”

-+-

The rest of the meal was surprisingly not painful. Dean and him didn’t really talk because they were eating but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. Dean didn’t stop to take a breath while he dived into his burger. The moans he made while he ate were dirty enough to make a pornstar blush though, much less Castiel. 

“I’m telling you Cas,” Dean said when Castiel asked him why. “This place has the best burgers anywhere. The fact that you _aren’t_ moaning in a crime.”

Ellen has waved away Castiel’s money when he tried to pay for his food. The drive back to Castiel’s house wasn’t quiet because Dean was telling Castiel about something that Sam had done in class. Something about a person calling his friend Jess a bitch and Sam decking him in the face. 

“Man it was awesome, he just went down like A sack of bricks, or so I heard.”

They pulled up to Castiel’s house and he went to unbuckle himself. “Thanks for driving me, Dean.”

“Yeah, sure,” Dean waved him off.

“Sorry for the whole jumping you and kissing you thing.”

Dean laughed, “Coulda been worse, right? Could have hit me with your car a third time.” Castiel surprised himself with the laugh that bubbled out of his throat. When he looked up he saw Anna sitting on her porch reading a book and he felt a pit in his stomach. The look on his face must have given him away.

“What are you gonna say to Milton?” Dean asked.

“I guess the truth.” Castiel sighed.

“Yeah, but, you know… What is the truth? Do you like her, do you not like her?

“It's not your problem, Dean,” Castiel replied in annoyance. He was starting to wonder if kissing Dean had made him think they were friends again or something.

“Hey, hold on. What if you didn't tell her?” Dean suggested slowly.

Castiel gave him a look that he hoped would portray how stupid of an idea Dean’s suggestion was. “Please tell me why you think that’s a good idea.”

“What if we let people think we were actually together? Just for a little while. And not just Milton. I mean everybody.” 

Castiel was dead. He had hit his head when he fainted and went to hell. Because Dean Winchester asking him to pretend to be in a relationship in front of the entire school and his brother’s ex-girlfriend finding out he had a crush on her occurred on the same day were two very strange but specific disasters to punish him with.

“Why would you want that?” Castiel asked with a dry mouth.

“For starters, when Bella heard you kissed me, she went nuts, and if she thinks you and I are a thing, she'll want to get back together.” That made a lot more sense.

“Oh, so you wanna use me as your pawn?”

“Ah, well, see... Technically, you used me as your pawn first when you jumped me." Castiel glared at that. Dean sighed, "you don't have to give me an answer now, just think about it, okay?” Castiel looked up to see Anna walking towards him I. The car. 

“Yep. Don't hold your breath.” Castiel got out of the car and began to run away towards his door.

“Yo, Milton, yeah?” He heard Dean shout through the window in his house. He walked up to listen to their conversation.

“Taking Castiel home?” He heard Anna ask.

“Looks like it.”

“Hey, how long have you two been hanging out?”

“Uh… Not long.”

“Okay..” Anna trailed off, “see you around Winchester.” Castiel sank to the ground and Luke ran up to him licking his face. 

“What have I gotten myself into boy?” Castiel asked him while he scratched Luke behind his ears. 

Unsurprisingly, the dog had no answer. Just like Castiel.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

_Castiel was locked to a chair in a room with Anna walking around him with a predatory look on her face. She kept waltzing around looking at him like he was a meal. When Castiel finally looked up at her she smiled flirtatiously and walked up to him. She leaned down to whisper in his ear._

_“Will you call me?” Anna’s voice was breathy and seductive. She leaned back and her Hazel eyes bore into his own._

_“Stop,” Castiel begged. He fought against the chains holding him to his chair._

_“There's so much I wanna talk about, music I wanna share, tattoos I wanna get with you.” Anna looked at him sadly._

_“Stop. Anna, this cannot happen,” Castiel insisted._

_“We'd be so great together,” Anna tried to say sweetly. She gently reached her hand forward to caress Castiel’s cheek. Her hand got stopped before she could reach him, long fingers shot out of nowhere and held her in place._

_“Oh, my God. Shut it,” Dean said in annoyance. Anna fumed and turned into dust. Dean wiped his hands clean on his pants and turned to face Castiel who was gaping at him in shock. “It's a cool trick, right? You wanna see me do it again?” Dean leaned forward and lifted up Castiel’s chin as he leaned forward. Castiel felt the handcuffs fall off of him._

-+-

Castiel’s alarm blaring woke him up in a shock. He groaned and buried his face in his pillow, trying to forget the dream. Everything within him screamed that it was a sign: dating Dean Winchester would solve his Anna problem. 

Sighing in defeat, Castiel took out his phone to send out a quick message.

**Castiel**

_(06:30 am)_ _Can we talk before class?_

Castiel went about getting dressed and ready while he waited for a response. He was about to go down to breakfast when his phone dinged.

**Dean Winchester**

_(06:37 am) Sure. I got practice till 7:30 if u wanna stop by._

Castiel stared at his phone, knowing he was going to regret this.

-+-

Castiel dropped off his cousin at school with minimum hassle and managed to park his car without hitting anybody. Gabe seemed more distracted than usual so he just walked off when they got to school. Castiel took out his phone while still in the car.

**Castiel**

_(07:02 am) I am here. May I visit you at the field or is this a bad time?”_

Dean replied right away.

**Dean**

_(07:03) am Yeah. Coach is having the Freshies do suicides._

**Castiel**

( _07:03) am Suicides? That sounds very unethical. You should call the police._

**Dean**

_(07:04) I know for a FACT that your brother was on the baseball team and he def told u about what suicides were so dont u dare try and mess w me._

Castiel repressed a smile and got out of his car to walk towards the baseball diamond. Unfortunately, the diamond was a couple of minutes walk from the main building so he had to jog to get there within five minutes. He saw a couple of kids sprinting around the field looking like the wanted to die.

“Cas!” Dean called when he noticed him. Castiel looked up to him and began walking in his direction.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said once he got there. His heart started beating wildly in his chest at what he was about to say and tried not to throw up.

“What’s up?” Dean asked. Castiel fidgeted and looked over at his teammates who were staring at him and Dean like they were aliens. One leaned over and began to whisper into his friend's ear. 

Dean followed Castiel’s gaze and grabbed his arm. “Come on, let’s talk over her.” Castiel let himself be led away from the baseball team. When they were out of earshot Dean turned to Castiel again. 

“I’ll ask again, what’s up?” Castiel shrugged and decided to get it over with.

“Let’s do this.”

Dean stared blankly at Castiel and raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean?”

“Yes,” Castiel hissed, "don't make me say it again."

Dean shrugged, "you gotta straight up tell me. My dumb jock brain won't understand it otherwise."

Castiel glared at him. “I’ll pretend to date you to make Bella jealous.” 

Dean’s face went through a mix of emotions. Shock melted into skepticism which quickly morphed into hope which eventually settled into a wide, beaming smile. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s waist, pulling him close. 

Castiel became very aware of how he could feel Dean’s heart beating against his chest and how Dean was just a couple inches taller. The couple inches taller just meant when Dean leaned down to kiss him he had to dip Castiel back a little bit to get the right angle.

The kiss made Castiel short circuit in surprise. 

It was longer than the one he had planted on Dean yesterday and much more effortless than he had been in his panic. Castiel had to admit that, when Dean was actively participating in it, kissing it wasn’t horrible.

Castiel’s brain finally caught up with what he was doing and pulled out of the kiss and took a step back. Dean looked smug and raised an eyebrow while Castiel gaped at him like a fish.

“I’m gonna.” Castiel’s voice sounded weird so he cleared his throat. “I’m gonna go.” Dean looked way too pleased with himself for messing with him. 

_Two can play that game_. Castiel thought to himself. He moved close enough to Dean that his lips tickled his ear when he whispered.

“Meet me at lunch so we can talk about this.” Dean blushed at that and coughed. Castiel, now pleased with himself smiled and leaned away.

“I’m going to calculus, have a nice day Dean.” He turned and walked away while he still had the upper hand.

“Yeah, you too,” Dean called back. Castiel could hear the baseball team cheering and jeering behind his back as he walked away.

-+-

Unfortunately, or fortunately, if you looked at it from Dean’s point of view, word spread very fast at their school. So, in the time it took for Castiel to sit down in his first-period class, every single person knew about it.

“Castiel Novak,” Charlie grabbed him and dragged him to the back of the classroom to sit down. “Would you like to explain to me how you left out have Dean Winchester’s eyes on your ass in like _all_ of our conversations?” Castiel gaped at her in surprise that she already knew about it.

The first bell rang as Jo ran into the room and sat down in the seat on the other side of Castiel, “Castiel Novak I am feeling very betrayed.”

“Jo, you aren’t in this class,” Castiel hissed under his breath, “what are you doing here?”

“Finding out how you managed to get Dean Winchester to dry hump you in the middle of the baseball diamond.”

“What?” Castiel asked, completely flustered. “He just kissed me. There was zero dry humping involved. Are people really saying that?”

“Yes,” Charlie and Jo said in unison. Castiel buried his face in his hands. 

“Joanna Beth,” the teacher interrupted their conversation, “I do not believe I have the pleasure of you being in this class.”

“What can I say, Mr. Turner, I am really passionate about. Um…” Jo looked around the room, “algebra?”

“Nice try, now get out before I make you take the pop quiz.” Jo and the rest of the class grumbled.

“This is not over,” she hissed at him. 

“Hey, it’s your fault that I have to take a pop quiz now,” said Castiel in response. It was all that he could manage to get out for his defense. It must have seemed as weak to her as it seemed to Castiel because she just rolled her eyes before walking out.

“Just remember,” Charlie said in a cheerful voice, “you are trapped with me for the rest of the period!” Castiel buried his face in his hands in defeat.

-+-

The rest of the classes leading up to lunch were uneventful. People kept staring at him and whispering but nothing monumental happened. His phone chirped as he was walking to his locker before lunch 

**Dean**

_(11:31 am) Where u wanna meet?_

Castiel readjusted his bag on his shoulder and typed out his answer. 

**Castiel**

_(11:31 am) Bleachers?_

**Dean**

_(11:31 am) Sounds good_

Castiel changed out his textbooks and grabbed his lunchbox before heading to the bleachers. His heart was beating unbelievably fast and felt like it would burst out of his chest as he walked to the football field. He saw Dean sitting in Castiel’s usual spot furiously scribbling on a piece of paper.

He looked up and around for a second and made eye contact with Castiel. Dean offered him a half-smile and waved him over before turning back to his work. Castiel steeled his nerves and walked over. 

“Heya Cas,” Dean said distractedly when he walked over. Castiel looked over his page and saw some writing about articles of confederation. “I got the first draft of my gov paper due after lunch,” Dean said. He glanced up at Castiel and winked, “I just gotta finish my conclusion then I’m all yours babe.”

“Stop that.” Castiel sat down next to him and pulled his sandwich out of his lunch bag and a bag of chips. He took a bite out of the sandwich, waiting for Dean to finish After just a minute of scribbling Dean shoved the paper in his bag then turned to Castiel.

“Alright, whatcha wanna talk about?” He stole the bag of chips from Castiel and opened it.

“Those are mine,” Castiel complained.

“Fake boyfriend tax. I keep you safe from Anna, you give me chips.”

“Last I checked we were doing this so you could get Bella back,” Castiel reminded him.

“Semantics,” Dean threw a chip into his mouth. He reached in his bag and pulled out a packet of gummy bears, "want these as a trade."

"I don't really eat candy."

"Nonsense, gummy bears are a staple in American cuisine." Dean passed over the bag and Castiel tentatively took a bite. They were delicious. He quickly downed the entire bag.

Dean cleared his throat. “Stop avoiding the topic. What did you want to wanna talk about?”

Castiel straightened up and swallowed the last bite of gummy bears. “So, first things first, we need to have a contract so we're on the same page about the rules.”

“You got rules?” Dean scoffed. “Come on, you really know how to zap the fun out of a situation.”

Castiel bristled at Dean’s nonchalance, “This isn’t a game Dean. It's important to know where you stand on certain issues.”

Dean held up his hands in surrender then ate another chip, “Okay, like what?”

“For example,” Castiel said avoiding eye contact, “I would prefer if you would not kiss me.”

“You crazy? Who's gonna believe we're in a relationship if I'm not allowed to kiss you?”

“Can’t we figure something out? Instead of kissing?” Castiel fidgeted with his hands.

“Bella knows me. If she doesn’t see us kiss she will never believe it.” Dean finally looked up at him, “does the idea of kissing me really repulse you? I could think of some things.”

Castiel couldn’t help looking down at Dean’s lips and remembering how they had felt against his own. It wasn’t bad at all. Dean had a point too, The resident fuckboy not kissing his new boyfriend? People would be instantly suspicious. 

Castiel sighed, “look, you may be master of this kind of stuff but I've never had a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend.”

Dean sighed and twiddled his fingers, “how about if I kiss your cheek? Or forehead?” After a moment of pondering Castiel slowly nodded which made Dean grin.

“I don’t mind if you hug me either? I understand casual contact is a usual occurrence in romantic relationships.”

Dean laughed at him, “you sound like a robot in a dating simulation.” 

Castiel frowned at that, “I can back out of this any second.”

Dean sobered up and grabbed Castiel’s hand, “you are doing fine. I’m sorry, I’ve been dating Bella off and on since middle school and other than that it is all hookups with people who know I don’t want a relationship. Starting a new one with you, even if it is fake, will take a minute to get used to.” Dean smiled what Castiel had heard other girls refer to as his ‘panty-dropping’ smile. “Also, I’m not gay so this whole you being a guy thing will take a moment too.”

Castiel sighed, “well I guess the whole school already thinks we are gay so we may as well stick with this.” Dean grinned at that. Castiel pulled out a piece of paper and began writing.

“Okay, so kissing on anything other than the lips and other types of physical affection are allowed.” He wrote down as he spoke. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“You are seriously writing this down?”

“I’m making a contract to follow. If you don’t like it you can go.” 

“Nah, this could be fun. Never had a fake relationship contract.” 

Castiel smiled at that, “okay, one other rule. No telling anybody this was fake, even when we break it off because it would be too humiliating for both of us.”

“Duh,” Dean rolled his eyes “first rule of fight club.” He fished around the bag of chips and shook the last of the crumbs into his mouth. “Man I love Doritos.”

“What’s Fight Club?” Castiel asked as he fished his extra bag of Doritos out his bag and passed it to Dean.

“Are you serious?” Dean gasped in mock betrayal. He snatched the Dorito bag from Castiel’s hand as he shook his head in confusion. “You've never seen Fight Club?” He grabbed the pencil and paper from Cas and scribbled something down. “Another part of the contract, you have to watch fight club with me.”

“Fine,” Castiel said. He wracked his brain for a suitable trade-off, “then you have to watch Harry Potter with me.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, “Harry Potter?”

“Yes, you’ve already seen it I bet so you already know it is amazing. Shouldn’t be difficult.”

“I actually haven’t,” Dean said. Castiel stared at him in abject horror.

“You write down right now. Harry Potter and _then_ I’ll watch fight Gym.”

“It’s Fight Club, and I _know_ you know it is Fight Club. You just said that to annoy me.” Castiel shrugged at that, not denying it. “You’re such a little shit,” Dean laughed but he wrote down ‘double feature: Harry Potter movies and Fight Club on the paper. 

“Anything else?” Castiel asked.

“I could…” Dean blushed. “I could write you notes, every day.”

Castiel remembered that being a part of his Pizzaman and Babysitter book. He would hide love notes in the pizza boxes before giving them to the babysitter. He had thought it was romantic when wrote it but now he thought it was just cheesy.

“You'd do that? Why?”

“Bella was always on me to write her them because she read it in some romance novel. I never did, so if I start sending them to you, she'll be pissed, it'll be good.”

“How romantic,” Castiel rolled his eyes. He could manage the notes if he knew they were for revenge.

“Also, you have to come with me to my baseball games and parties.” Dean wrote it down as he spoke.

“Fine, but you have to pick up my cousin, brother, and I and drive us to school.”

“Gabe can’t drive?” Dean asked in surprise.

“He can, he just lost his license for drunk driving a couple of weeks ago. I do not much enjoy driving myself.” Castiel didn't add how worried he was. Last year Gabe came home a couple of times drunk but that was it. This year Gabe had been caught drunk driving and had been dragged home multiple times by Kali completely wasted. He had been locked up overnight for drunken disorderly a couple of times too.

Castiel had always been worried.

“Well any excuse to show off my baby,” Dean grinned.

“Your baby?” Castiel didn’t remember Dean having a kid. That would kind of put a damper on their fake relationship.

“The impala, I gave you a ride home in it?”

“Oh! Okay.” Castiel nodded. “It is a nice car.”

Dean beamed, “Bella doesn’t think so. Make sure you talk about how nice my car is when she is around. Maybe it will make her even more jealous.” 

“Fine, but you have to completely ignore Bella for at least the first month.” 

Dean frowned. “Then how am I supposed to know she is jealous?”

“After the first month, you can see how she is doing knowing she isn’t the center of your world.” Castiel stared Dean down as he glared at him, refusing to budge. Castiel knew absence made the heart grow fonder, and he was damned if he had to fake date Dean Winchester for long.

“Fine,” Dean conceded, “but you're coming on the ski trip.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. The High School ski trip was infamous for being the location where more students lost their virginity than Senior Week and Prom combined. He had never been because he was usually in the middle of finishing the second draft of his novels. It was also in January, three months away.

“Um… Do you think we're still gonna be doing this?”

Dean shrugged, “let's call it a contingency. No one in their right mind is gonna let their boyfriend go without them, so if we are still doing this by the time it comes around, you have to go with me.”

Castiel was certain that by the time the ski trip came around, Dean and him would be ancient history, and that was the only reason he agreed.

“Okay. Deal.” 

Dean smiled and passed him the paper, “here it is, the final draft.”

1.) No kissing on the lips  
2.) No snitching  
3.) Double Feature: Fight club and Harry Potter  
4.) Notes  
5.) Castiel brags about baby in front of Bella at LEAST once  
6.) Free rides for Cas  
7.) SKI TRIP

Castiel shrugged, "looks good to me."

"Great, you get to sign it first."

“You want us to sign this? I thought you thought it was stupid.” 

“Oh I do, but if we are gonna fake contract then you have to fake sign it. I don't want any takebacks on your part later on.” Castiel rolled his eyes but signed the paper. Dean grabbed it from him and signed underneath his name.

“We are officially in a relationship. Pleasure doing business with you, boyfriend.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and packed up his stuff to go. “I’ll see you later then?”

Dean nodded and his eyes flicked to the field. He subtly motioned for Castiel to follow his gaze. “We got an audience. Castiel looked down to see a couple of girls from the gym class staring at them and whispering to each other. 

Dean pulled Castiel down and kissed his cheek, “see you later babe.”

Castiel walked away from Dean, feeling his face burning as he made his way to his next class. 


	7. Chapter 7

The look on Gabe and Alfie’s faces the next day when Dean rolled up in the impala was nearly worth everything that had happened, and everything Castiel knew was to come. 

“Bye Aunt Jody,” Castiel gave her a kiss on the cheek before he walked out of the house. 

“I really thought that it was an elaborate prank,” Gabe muttered to himself. 

“He’s hot,” Alfie added, “what’s he doing here?”

“He is our ride,” was all Castiel said in response. Alfie’s eyes widened and stared at him in surprise. “Come on, you don’t want to keep him waiting right?” He breezed past them and barely his face straight while Gabe sputtered behind him. 

“Hey angel,” Dean called out from his car when he got close to the Impala. “Y'all ready?”

“Oh,  _ hell _ yes!” Alfie squealed in excitement as he ran over to the car. “Your car is so cool. What kind is it.”

Dean grinned, “you got good taste little man. This is a 1967 Chevy Impala. I tune it up myself.”   
“Nice!”

“Don’t inflate his ego anymore,” Castiel begged, “he doesn’t need it.” He slid into the passenger seat next to Dean.

He saw Sam Winchester in the backseat playing on his phone. Sam looked up once Castiel sat down and waved a greeting. Castiel awkwardly waved back at him. 

“On the contrary, I actually  _ do  _ need it.” Dean protested. Sam rolled his eyes at that.

“Hey Winchester, get bored trying to stick your dick in Bella?” Gabe called out, his tone lacking its usual humor. He was standing next to the car, staring them down.

“Frankly, between you and me, I think Castiel is much more of a catch than Bella.” As he said that, Dean leaned over and kissed Castiel’s temple. Castiel knew it was an act but he couldn’t help but blush. Gabe seemed to think it was an acceptable answer so he got into the car. 

“Sammy Winchester?” Gabriel said in surprise when he saw the other passenger. “I didn’t know you existed outside of debate club.”

“Gabriel Novak? I didn’t know you existed outside of a holding cell.”

“A freshman talking to me that way? You got balls.”

“I’m a sophomore and I am sixteen, asshat.” Castiel watched the interaction in surprise. He didn’t know that the two of them were so… Argumentative.

“That reminds me,” Dean cut in, trying to ease the tension. He reached into the center console and pulled out a bag of gummy bears. “Since you liked them so much yesterday.” Castiel offered a small smile and took the bag from him.

“Thank you, Dean.” He then leaned over to whisper in a tone low enough so others couldn’t hear. “ _ Call me angel again and there won’t be any dick left to stick in Bella once this is over _ .”

Dean leaned away, “nah. I think angel is a perfect name for you. Castiel, the angel of Thursdays.” Castiel just glared him down. Dean shifted the car into drive. “Let’s go, don’t want Alfie to be late.”

-+-

Life as the boyfriend of Dean Winchester apparently meant that your existence was everybody’s business, not that Dean made it easy for him to keep hiding. 

Dean had made a point to walk with Castiel to the cafeteria, gripping his hand tight so he couldn’t run away. He leaned over and kissed Castiel on the temple, then smoothed the collar of Castiel’s trench coat Castiel felt a piece of paper slide into his pocket. 

“Relax angel, you’re doing great.” Castiel wasn’t sure what he was doing great, other than letting Dean show him off to the school, but he sure as hell was not going to complain. 

“You going to eat with Harvelle today?” Dean asked. Castiel nodded and Dean gave him another light kiss on the nose. “I'll catch up with you on the bleachers, I just wanna say hi to Benny really quick.” Castiel nodded and began to walk away to get to the bleachers. 

As he walked out of the cafeteria, two sets of hands grabbed him and began to drag him along. 

“Hello, Jo. Hello Charlie,” Castiel said in amusement. He let the two girls lead him into an empty classroom and slam the door shut behind him.

“Don’t ‘hello Jo’ me Castiel. I thought you and Winchester were barely speaking! Let alone making eyes at each other in front of everybody.”

“I wasn’t ‘making eyes’ or whatever you call it.”

“No matter what you say, I am still going to think this Winchester thing is insane!” Charlie punched his arm. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you liked him when we had that heart to heart. Tell me everything.”

“When did we have a heart to heart?”

“Charlie,” Jo complained before Castiel could answer, “we were supposed to hit him hard and fast. Figure everything out and then try and be nice.”

“If Castiel is willing to make out with Dean in front of the football team I don’t think he is going to be scared of us sternly talking to him.”

“I have my knives,” Jo suggested, “I could-”

“No,” Charlie and Castiel said in unison. Castiel was momentarily grateful for her presence.

“Come on Castiel,” Charlie turned back to him, “we’re your friends. You gotta tell us.”

“I actually don’t,” Castiel replied. He knew they wouldn’t stop harassing him over it so he just needed a moment to think over what the backstory was. He felt really stupid for not talking this part over with Dean beforehand.

“If you don’t tell me right now, I'll make you eat in the cafeteria surrounded by people all staring at you.”

Castiel blurted out the first thing that he could think of. “It was when I hit him with my car, okay?” Jo raised an eyebrow and gestured for him to continue. Nervously, Castiel proceeded with his very bad lie. 

“After I hit him with my car the second time, Dean and I talked for a bit because I felt bad. He wasn’t hurt but he was so sweet about it, I couldn’t help but think that maybe he had changed.”

“Ooh, then what?” Charlie sat down on a desk and crossed her legs, resting her head on her hands while she listened attentively. Jo leaned against a wall and stared him down. She did not look like she was buying Castiel’s bull crap.

“We’ve been texting ever since. I discovered I like texting.” Castiel awkwardly showed his phone, “emoticons are very fun.” They did not seem amused, so Castiel continued bullshitting. 

“Well, one thing led to another and he came up to me in gym class when I was with Jo. He told me he liked me and I was so excited I kissed him.” It was moments like this that Castiel was grateful he was a writer. “We went on a date at the Roadhouse and decided to be official.”

“My mom did say you two looked cozy the other day. I thought it was just my mom being a basic mom.” Jo shook her head, still not believing it. “ _ Winchester _ Castiel? You finally decide to date and you go after  _ Winchester  _ of all people?”

“Well, I am  _ very  _ happy for you Castiel.”

“Did Michael rip you a new one?” Jo asked. “I know he hates Winchester after he stole Captain from him.” Castiel’s eyes widened. HE had completely forgotten about that part.

“Shit.” Jo and Charlie started dying in laughter 

-+-

Castiel ended up missing lunch with Dean. He had ended up being interrogated by Charlie and Jo about things nonstop for a large part of lunch and ended up nearly running late to class. His phone was off for the rest of the day so he didn’t see Dean’s multiple text messages until he was leaving his last class of the day. Emphasis on multiple.

**Dean**

_ (11:42 am) Hey Cas I’m here. Thought u were meeting me?  
_ _ (11:43 am) Cas?  
_ _ (11:45 am) don’t tell me I got the spot wrong  
_ _ (11:50 am) R u mad at me?  
_ _ (11:56 am) Lunch is almost over. R u cumming?  
_ _ (11:56 am) coming*  
_ _ (11:56 am) u better not be cumming. That’s very rude to ur fake boyfriend. _

Castiel rolled his eyes when he saw that message.

**Dean**

_ (12:15 pm) Am I giving a ride home btw?   
_ _ (1:23 pm) Angel?   
_ _ (2:02 pm) R u ded?  
_ _ (2:32 pm) School is almost over. Text me back.  
_ _ (2:41 pm) !!! _

He sighed and punched out a message to him.

**Castiel**

_ (2:43 pm) A ride would be appreciated, seeing as I do not have a car _

Dean’s response was immediate.

**Dean**

_ (2:43 pm) He lives! _

Castiel rolled his eyes and smiled at Dean’s drama. 

“Did somebody get a dick pic from Winchester?” Castiel instinctively hid his phone as his brother slid next to him.

“Don’t be crass,” Castiel muttered. He pulled his phone back up to send another text.

**Castiel**

_ (2:44 pm) Wrong. This is actually Jo. _

**Dean**

_ (2:44 pm) Did Castiel Novak make a joke?  
_ _ (2:44 pm) Meet me at baby. I gotta drive Sammy home too. _

“Is he giving us a ride home or are you two already broken up,” Gabe nudged him for attention. 

“Yes, he is giving us a ride home, no we have not broken up.”

“Wow, you made it 12 hours. You are officially Dean’s second longest relationship.” Castiel sighed heavily. If he had to deal with these types of jibes throughout their whole fake relationship he was going to really kill somebody. 

“Let’s get to the car before he decides he would rather leave me stranded than deal with you.” 

They made their way over to Dean’s car, only waiting a moment before he arrived with his brother. Sam was telling Dean something animatedly, making a lot of hand gestures. Dean was smiling and nodding along When they stood side to side Dean looked dwarfed. Castiel amused himself by imagining how short Gabe would look next to him.

Dean looked up and made eye contact with Castiel, face lighting up. He waved with a grin and began to walk a little faster. Sam also waved to Castiel but frowned when he saw Gabe.

“Trickster,” he said curtly.

“Sasquatch,” Gabe sneered back.

“Angel!” Dean said cheerfully. He pulled Castiel into a tight hug as he walked up to him.

“Have a good day scaring the crap out of me?”

Castiel sighed in exasperation but didn’t pull away from the hug. “How many times must I tell you? Only call me angel if you want to be castrated.”

Dean smiled, “preventing any future Dean Winchesters? I think many people would say you are doing the world a favor.”

He frowned at that and gently detached himself from the hug. As annoying as he found Dean, at times, Castiel found he was starting to like his fake boyfriend, and he remembered him being a good person when they were children.

“I think the world wouldn’t be so bad with more Dean Winchesters.” Dean’s grin faltered at that, for just a second Castiel saw how sad he looked. 

Gabe ruined the moment.

“Well if you would kindly stop the bedroom eyes that would be much appreciated. We have to pick up Alfie.”

“Gabe,” hissed Sam. He punched him in the arm. Castiel repressed announcing his approval.

“Get in the car,” Dean ordered. He slid into the driver’s seat without looking back up at him. Castiel frowned but slid into the passenger seat. Gabe and Sam kept bickering as they slid in after him.

The ride to pick up Alfie was quiet except for Sam and Gabe arguing in the backseat. After Alfie got in the car he excitedly began talking about his day. Something about a new History project where he had to create a menu based on what cavemen used to eat. 

Dean dropped Sam off at the library on the way to Castiel’s home. “Sammy works the checkout desk there, but the librarian just lets him read instead of actually working. She gave him the job when he turned 16.”

“You must be proud,” Castiel replied.

“That kid is a genius, wants to be a lawyer.”

“Oh great,” Gabe groaned, “he gets to argue for a living. I pity his opponents.”

“Shut your trap,” Dean laughed, “that kid is going to make my life comfortable when I’m an old man. I’m gonna sit on my ass and do absolutely nothing.” 

He pulled up to their house and his hand rested on the gear shift. The second he hit the breaks Gabe and Alfie jumped out of the car and ran into the house. Castiel however leaned over and whispered into Dean’s ear.

“Can we talk for a second?”

Dean nodded and shifted the car into park. “What’s up?”

“I may have come up with a story on how we got together today.”

Dean cursed, “damn I knew I forgot something. Just promise me that it is nothing stupid like I looked up one day and realized you were the most beautiful man on the planet?”

Castiel tried to not be offended, “I think I can be more creative than that.” He then retold the story that he gave Jo and Charlie. Dean seemed almost impressed.

“That is, not terrible,” he admitted grudgingly.

“Well, maybe you should have more faith.”

“You sound like Sam,” Dean laughed. He fiddled with the brake shift and they sat in silence for a moment.

“Wanna grab a-”

“I should go-”

Castiel and Dean spoke at the same time. Dean motioned for Castiel to talk first.

“I should go, I don’t want to bother you.” 

Dean nodded slowly, “yeah. You sure you don’t want to-”

“Bye Dean,” Castiel said as he left the car. 

“Don’t forget, I got a game Friday!” Dean called after him. He turned his car into drive and drove off.

-+-

After dinner, Castiel was mentally preparing himself to lie to his brother. He fiddled with his phone and stared down at his contact. He had already gotten a week ahead in his homework for Calculus and finished the terms homework for all of his online college courses. He even tried to get ahead in his home economics class, even though there was no homework. He had absolutely no excuse to not call him.

And yet…

Castiel sighed and hit the call button, lifting the phone to his ear. It rang twice before Michael picked up.

_ Hello? _

“Michael, it is me.”

_ I know. I have caller ID.  _

“It sounded like you were confused to hear from me.”

_ It’s nearly 1:00am here is all. You woke me up. _

Castiel felt like an idiot for forgetting about time zones. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I am glad to hear from you. How is life? How is school?”

“Well, Calculus BC is a lot easier than I thought it would be. Mr. Turner took a point off my last exam for forgetting to show my work for one of the steps of solving antiderivative problems.

_ Yeah, that sounds like Mr. Turner _ , Michael laughed.  _ That reminds me, Gabe sent me a text earlier asking if you lost your Marbles? It is barely October Castiel. _

“Gabe is being dramatic, as usual.”

_ Well, he also said that you were dating Dean Winchester.  _ Here it was, the moment of truth. Time to find out if Castiel is as good of a liar as he hoped he was.

“Oh right, that. It’s very new but I am happy.”

_ You really are crazy Castiel. Do you not remember when Bella put a pot of ink dye in your bag when she thought you took her pencil? She is going to make you swallow razors when she thinks you stole her boyfriend.  _

“She actually broke up with him.”

_ That doesn’t mean anything and you know it. How do you know this isn’t just another one of his flings before he gets back with her? _

That made Castiel nearly laugh. He couldn’t tell Michael that the reason he knew he wasn’t a fling was that they were fake dating just to make Bella jealous. That would lead to him asking why Castiel agreed to it, which would inevitably lead to him having to confess to Anna.

Since he couldn’t say all that, he did the next best thing.

“Well, I hardly doubt Winchester would tell the whole school he liked guys if it wasn’t serious to him.”

Michael grumbled at that but seemed to find it acceptable.  _ I still don’t like this. _

“I know,” Castiel assured him.

_ First team captain, now my baby brother? Is there nothing he won’t take from me? _

“I thought Jo was being dramatic when she said that would be the most upsetting part to you,” 

_ Well, it is important. This is your first boyfriend after all.  _

That was the moment Alfie walked into the room with a huge grin. “Hey, Castiel!”

“Hello Alfie, I am just speaking with Michael.”

“Great! He can help me convince you to help me!”

“Michael I am putting you on speaker.” Castiel put his phone between him and Alfie.

“Hey Mikey!” Alfie said. “Can you help me convince Castiel to help me with my Halloween bake sale?”

_ I forgot that was a thing _ . Michael laughed.  _ I think mom used to make brownies when the twins and I were in middle school _ .

“Why do you want my help?” Castiel asked, “I do not bake.”

“Anything is better than aunt Jody, and I don’t think that Gabe will let himself be convinced.”

“When do you need them by?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Alfie!” Michael and Castiel yelled at him in unison. Alfie just shrugged, offering no defense.

Castiel sighed, “I will make box brownies. That is it.”

Alfie beamed, “that was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Bye Michael! Have fun with classes.”

“I am going to leave too,” Castiel said, “I need to buy the brownie mix.”

_ Wait Castiel, I wanted to ask you about An- _

“Bye!” Castiel said hurriedly. He hung up. He had only been fake dating Dean for a little over a day and he was already overwhelmed. He needed to talk to somebody. He pulled out his phone and punched out a text.

**Castiel**

_ (7:42 pm) Are you free? _

The response was quick.

**Dean**

_ (7:43 pm) Nah just procrastinating HW  
_ _ (7:43 pm) what’s up? _

**Castiel**

_ (7:45) Would you like to go for a quick ride with me? _

**Dean**

_ (7:46) I’ll be there in fifteen. _


	8. Chapter 8

“So why are we in a Walmart at 8:15 on a Tuesday?” Dean asked while he played with a packet of cupcake liners. Castiel just grabbed a couple of boxes of brownie mix and threw them into his shopping cart. 

“My cousin asked me to make him something for the first of October bake sale tomorrow, and this is what I can do on short notice.

Dean made a face at the box, “Walmart brand? Really Cas?” 

“It’s on sale,” Castiel said defensively. 

The look of horror on Dean’s face was comical. “I do not care how broke you are. The Ghirardelli brownie mix is only fifty cents more a box, and they taste terrific.”

“Fifty cents add up,” Castiel reminded him.

“Well then let me pay the rest.”

“Dean-” 

“Don’t ‘Dean’ me Cas. Just say thank you and let me pay for it. It’s like, 20$ for six boxes.” Castiel frowned at that but Dean just grabbed the cart and swapped out the Walmart boxes for his fancy brand. “Come on, I wanna see if they have any fresh pie in the bakery.”

Castiel sighed and followed after his fake boyfriend. Dean was humming some song under his breath as he kept pushing the cart. He stopped by the freezer aisle and gave Castiel a sideways glance.

“Wanna grab some ice cream?”

Castiel raised an eyebrow, “I just came for the brownie mix.”

“Well, how do you eat apple pie if you don’t have ice cream with it?”

“I’ve never had apple pie, so I wouldn’t know,” Castiel replied. For the second time, the look of mock horror crossed Dean’s face. Castiel resisted rolling his eyes.

“We are fixing that. Now.” He pushed the cart around the store, stopping at different aisles and grabbing different ingredients.

“Aren’t you going to get the pie from the bakery?” Castiel jogged after him, confused. 

“Hell no,” Dean scoffed. He pulled into the self-checkout and paid for the Ghirardelli, despite Castiel’s protests, and the rest of the items inside of the cart. “Your first pie is going to be good old fashioned homemade pie.”

“And you will be baking it?” Castiel asked. He did not know that Dean was a baker, much less knew how to make an apple pie. What little he knew of baking is that pie was unbelievably difficult to make from scratch.

“My mom taught me her recipe, and yes you will need to eat vanilla ice cream with it.” He waved the pint in Castiel’s face.

“Fine, but since you know how to bake, you are showing me how to make brownies.”

“The instructions are on the box angel,” Dean teased.

“I'm a STEM person, baking isn’t my strong suit. And I’ve told you before, only call me angel if you want to be castrated.” Dean ignored the last part as he carried out the bags to the impala and loaded them into the back seat. 

“I know, didn’t you make your AP Biology professor cry because he messed up describing some process?”

“You know about that?” Castiel asked both mortified and surprised.

“Are you kidding me? The whole school thought you were legendary. Please tell me you got a five on your exam that year.”

“Yes, I got a five. I’ve gotten a five on all my AP exams,” except for U.S. History. “People really talked about it a lot? I was just a freshman.” They got into the car.

“That just made it even better.” Castiel sat for a minute, trying to comprehend his apparent fame. Dean started the car and began driving. He cleared his throat, “so why did you ask me for a ride? I know you hate driving and all, but you are still capable.”  
Castiel sighed, “I just lied to Michael. I didn’t want to be alone.”

The silence in the car after Castiel said that was tense. Dean coughed and turned the radio on to some old rock station. Ramble On filled the car. They pulled up to a stop sign and Dean turned on his directional to turn right, the way to get to Castiel’s house. Before he turned though, he hesitated and looked at him and a strange look came over his face.

“What?” Castiel asked.

“Text Jody, tell her you’re hanging with me tonight.” He changed his direction signal and turned in the other direction.

“Are you crazy?” Castiel asked, “I think you just kidnapped me.”

“True, but I figured you wouldn’t want to be home right now.” Castiel knew that Dean was right but didn’t want Dean to know he won so he didn’t reply. Instead, he typed a message in his phone to his aunt.

**Castiel**

_(8:19 pm) May I go to Dean’s house tonight?_

**Aunt Jody**

_(8:19 pm) So late at night? You have school tomorrow._

**Castiel**

_(8:20 pm) Yes but he has offered to make the brownies for Alfie._

**Aunt Jody**

_(8:21) Oh thank god. Be back before midnight okay?_

**Castiel**

_(8:23) I will._

Castiel put his phone away. “Aunt Jody is okay with it.”

“Fantastic,” Dean pulled into his driveway. “Now come on Angel, let’s go bake some pie.” Castiel helped him carry in all the ingredients to the house. 

The lights were all off when they entered. Dean flicked them all on and moved the ice cream into the freezer. Then he pulled out two large bowls, some measuring cups and spoons, and a fork. He fiddled around the kitchen until he pulled a couple more spices from the cabinet.

“Here,” Dean slid him one of the bowls. “Peel the apples and cube them” Castiel had no idea what that meant and told Dean as much. Dean took out a large knife and a potato peeler. 

“Watch,” he showed Castiel how to peel one of the apples and how to cut them into small cubes. “Just do that to five more apples and I will work on the dough.” Castiel watched as he moved over to the other bowl and started measuring flour, sugar, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and butter together. It looked all complicated so he turned back to his task at hand. By the time Castiel was halfway through, Dean was putting two plastic-wrapped rolls of dough into the fridge. 

Castiel expected Dean to tease him for being slow, but instead he started washing all of his dishes. “When you’re done with that let me know, I’m going to wash these and move on to the brownies.”

“Sorry I’m so slow,” Castiel ducked his head and kept working on the apples.

“Nah,” Dean reassured him, “I’ve just made this pie a lot. I could do it in my sleep. You’re just learning this stuff.” Castiel smiled gratefully for the lack of harassment.

“You said your mom taught you?” Castiel asked. 

Dean smiled sadly, “yeah. She wanted me to be able to make it for my dad whenever he missed her.” Castiel instantly felt bad for bringing it up. Not many people in school knew what happened to Dean’s mom. Castiel himself only knew because he had been friends when it happened.

Mary Winchester was a firefighter, pretty brave one too. Unfortunately, she had breathed in so much smoke in her line of work that she ended up developing ischemic heart disease. After two years of living with it, Mary Winchester ended up having a heart attack around when Dean turned 8. 

Castiel was surprised that Mary had let Dean around the oven so young.

“The secret,” Dean said, “is to add vanilla to the apple filling. It really makes the dish better.” 

“I believe you,” Castiel reassured him. Dean smiled at that and began to mix together the brownies then pour the first batch into a pan. He then mixed the rest and poured them into separate pans he put in the oven. 

Castiel looked around the quiet kitchen, suddenly aware of how quiet the whole house was. “Where are Sam and Bobby?”

“Sammy is working till ten at the library, Bobby is on a date with Ellen.” Dean laughed, “looks like we all managed to be on dates. Bobby with Ellen, Sam with books, me with my amazing fake boyfriend.”

“This isn’t a date, this is you avoiding responsibilities,” Castiel reminded him.

“Well let’s make it a date.” Dean walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of wine. 

Castiel’s eyes widened in surprise, “Dean, I am not getting drunk.” 

Puzzled, Dean looked down at the wine. “I wasn’t planning on it. This is for my scampi that I am making while these amazing brownies are in the oven.” Castiel relaxed and Dean smiled reassuringly, “I’m not planning on getting you drunk and taking advantage of you.”

“Well, unless you suddenly turn really gay when drunk, I’m not worried.” Dean chuckled at that and pulled some butter, garlic, and chicken out of the fridge. Castiel finished chopping the last of the apples.

“Besides, if you wanna get drunk the wine isn’t the way to go. A glass of that will just make you a little buzzed.” Dean started cooking the scampi. He looked up to see the apples all done. “Mix those in a little lemon juice, brown sugar, cinnamon, and butter and you are golden.” Castiel followed his orders, adding what he knew was way too much cinnamon. Dean said it was fine and added two spoonfuls of vanilla extract. 

Castiel found himself looking at the wine curiously. His brother was constantly getting drunk and going to parties, but Castiel had always been uninterested. He wondered what ‘being tipsy’ was like. All he knew was what he had learned from his brother for his novels, and he wondered if being drunk himself would make it easier for him to describe being tipsy in his novels. Before he knew it, his mouth was speaking before he could stop himself.

“Well, maybe one glass wouldn’t hurt. I’ve always wondered what it was like.” 

Dean’s head snapped up in surprise. “Cas, look man. I don’t want to corrupt you.”

“It’s hardly corrupting if you actively encouraged me to not drink it at all,” Castiel retorted. 

“Well, if you’re drinking then you gotta sleep here. I am not bringing you home to Jody drunk. She’s the sheriff. She has a gun.” 

“Deal.” Castiel sent a quick text letting Jody know he was staying at Dean’s for the night so he wouldn’t be driving late. Dean nodded and poured Castiel a glass before going back to cooking. 

Soon, the small room smelled like a strangely intoxicating blend of garlic and chocolate. Castiel slowly sipped the wine. It wasn’t even that good. It tasted like super bitter white grape juice and didn’t go down that easy. 

“So, how is ignoring Bella going?” Castiel asked as he took another sip.

“Surprisingly easy,” Dean said as he opened the oven to check on the brownies. “She’s beyond pissed that I am dating her sworn enemy. I would wear a bulletproof vest, just in case.

“Will you wear one too?” Castiel asked.

Dean laughed, “oh yeah. Let’s get matching vests. His and his bulletproof vests, for protecting against angry girlfriends.”

“Ex-girlfriends.”

“Right. Ex-girlfriends.” A timer went off on the stove that Castiel hadn’t even seen him set. Dean left the scampi to simmer on the stove as he walked over to the fridge and pulled out the dough. He began to roll it out and shape it into a pie crust. They sat in comfortable silence as Dean worked.

After a few minutes, Dean had finished rolling out the crust. He pulled two bowls and forks from the cupboard and portioned out the scampi. 

“Enjoy, try not to fall in love with me after your first bite.” Dean winked and turned around to form the pie. 

“Yeah, I don’t think that will be a problem.” He finished his glass while Dean put the pie in the oven and pulled out all the brownies, leaving them on the counter to cool. Castiel waited for Dean to sit down before he took his first bite.

“You haven’t already eaten the entire bowl yet?” Dean teased as he sat down across from him.

“Well, I was under the impression that on dates the two people usually ate at the same time. And well, you’re the one who wanted it to be a date.”

Dean smiled, “you are the most polite fake boyfriend ever.”

Rolling his eyes, Castiel took a bite of the scampi. He heard himself let out an involuntary moan at the taste. He had been living on bar food and Jody’s cooking for two years now, so to him, this was one of the most delicious things he had ever tasted. Castiel began to scarf down the rest of the food, barely stopping for breath.

Dean coughed, “do you mind if I get something to drink?” Castiel just waved him off as he kept eating. He looked up and noticed the world seemed to be moving just half a second slow. Must be the alcohol. Dean sat down with a glass with a little bit of amber liquid swimming around in it and started to eat his scampi. He wondered what it would taste like.

“Can I try a sip of that?” Castiel asked. 

Dean looked hesitant. “I don’t know Cas, you had a glass of wine and this stuff is pretty strong. Do you even know what your tolerance limit is?”

“It’s a sip Dean, and I am fairly large.”

He winked, “I bet you are.” Castiel felt his cheeks get warm. Still, Dean handed over the glass. Castiel looked up to check the time: 9:50 pm.

“Your brother should be leaving work soon right?” Castiel took a sip and coughed. It tasted like a flavored hand sanitizer, burning as it went down his throat.

“Forgot to mention, it isn’t as gentle as wine.” Castiel glared at Dean’s amusement and handed back the glass. “And no, he walks home from the library most of the time so he won't be here till a quarter after ten. Dean finished off the drink and his scampi. Castiel found himself watching his mouth as it closed around the fork. A brilliant idea came to mind.

“Hey Dean..” Castiel trailed off, unsure of how to word it.

“Yeah?” Dean took his last bite of scampi and brought their bowls over to the sink to wash. 

“Well, remember the no kissing on the lips rule?”

Dean laughed, “vaguely yes.”

“Well, I only made the rule because I’ve never kissed anybody, and I was nervous people would see how awkward I was and guess the relationship was fake.”

Dean paused his washing of the dishes, “yeah?”

“Yeah.” Castiel stood up and walked over to help Dean dry. 

“I had an idea though,” Castiel took a breath. He felt a lot less nervous than he thought he would be. “You think people won’t believe us dating unless we really kiss, so maybe if we practice then I would be less nervous.”

Dean seemed to need some time to process what Castiel was saying. His face was blank, so Castiel had no idea what he could be thinking. He slowly turned to Castiel and rubbed his neck.

“What?”

“I thought I was pretty clear,” Castiel said. “We should practice making out so we could do it in front of people and make our relationship more believable.”

“Huh...” Dean went over to the over and looked in on the pie and checked his watch. He set the timer on the stove for twenty minutes and turned to face Castiel who was staring at him pointedly. Dean seemed to go through an internal struggle as Castiel’s confidence wavered. Finally, Dean sighed. Castiel braced himself to be berated for even thinking about it.

“Okay.” Castiel’s head snapped up as he heard Dean say the word only to find him all in his space, leaning into Castiel for a hard kiss. 

Castiel froze in shock at the sudden contact. Dean’s hands had cupped Castiel’s face and his lips were warm, tasting like cooked wine and the bourbon from earlier. Oddly enough, the bourbon did not taste as bad coming off of Dean’s lips. 

Dean’s hands moved down to Castiel's neck and his thumbs hooked under his chin. He gently leaned away but only left a millimeter between their lips.

“First lesson Castiel,” Dean said. He sounded slightly short of breath, “you can touch me. It looks more natural than if you just sit there like a statue.” The feeling of Dean’s words against his lips was definitely something Castiel was going to include in his second draft of his new novel. 

“Well, what should I do with them then?” Castiel asked. “What do you prefer?”

“Well, you could hold my waist,” Dean suggested, “but putting them in my hair works too.”

Castiel experimentally wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, resting them on the small dip that was above his hips. “Like this?” 

Dean nodded, “perfect. Should we keep going?” Castiel nodded and Dean closed the gap between their lips again, gently this time. 

Tentatively, Castiel attempted to move his lips with Dean’s. Dean hummed in approval and moved Castiel’s face with his thumbs into a position that made their lips fit together just a little better. 

Letting himself get lost in the kiss was easy. Eventually, he felt himself relaxing and deepening the kiss on his own. He felt the start of Dean’s tongue enter his mouth when the front door opened. Shocking the two of them apart.

“Ew Dean, gross.” Sam gagged, “I thought you had a rule about the kitchen.” Castiel wanted to bury his head in the sand and die. His eyes flicked to the oven and debated that as the alternative. He tried to pull away but found himself stopped by Dean’s hands around his waist.

“We’re making pie,” Dean said.

“Is that what the kids call it these days?” Sam teased. He threw his bag down on the table and walked over to grab a glass from the cabinets.

“For all your experience, it could be.” 

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean turned back to Castiel and realized he still had his arms around him. He smoothly slid his arms away and scratched his head. Castiel stepped back, glad to be free. “What are you doing home so early Sammy.”

Sam looked at him like he was an idiot, “It’s the same time as I usually get home.” Dean and Castiel looked up at the clock at the same time and saw the time read 10:17 pm. Castiel realized with mortification that what had felt like just a few minutes of kissing Dean had actually been nearly 20. Dean’s time went off and he ran over to check the pie in the oven.

“You’re making pie!” Sam asked excitedly.

“Cas gets to try the first bite,” Dean said as he pulled it out of the oven. Instantly the room smelled of apple and cinnamon. 

“Fine, I’m gonna shower,” Sam pointed at the pie, “but that better be waiting for me when I get out.” Dean rolled his eyes as his brother left the room.

Once Sam left the room, the reality of what just happened sank in. Castiel dreaded looking back at Dean’s face, worried about what he would find. He slowly moved his eyes to see Dean staring at him with an amused smile.

“Feeling more self-confident?” Dean asked. Castiel tried not to notice how Dean’s lips looked slightly reddened and his cheeks were flushed. Castiel could only nod in response. Dean’s grin widened and he clapped his hands once. “How about we cut up the brownies and put them in sandwich bags for the bake sale while the pie cools?” Mutely Castiel followed his lead.

Once they were done Dean pulled out a bowl and put a large slice of the pie on the plate and a generous scoop of ice cream. He motioned for Castiel to follow and sit at the table next to him. 

Dean stabbed a piece of the pie and held it up to Castiel’s mouth in offering, “open up.” Cautiously, Castiel wrapped his mouth around the fork.

The flavors exploded on his tongue and Castiel moaned for the second time that evening. The cinnamon was really strong but everything in it tasted amazing. The apples, the flaky crust, the vanilla. He grabbed his own fork off the table and began to eat.

“Dip a piece in the ice cream.” Castiel followed Dean’s suggestion and was glad he did. 

“New addition to the contract, you make this pie for me for every fake anniversary.”

“Deal,” Dean smiled. Castiel took another bite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give me feedback. This is my first slowburn fic that's made it past the first chapter. I'm using this as practice before I restart my Among the Asters fic. Any feedback helps, or anybody bored enough to beta read and fix my errors would be neat. Anyways, thank you to all that have read this far and those who are following this. I promise this work will not be an orphan.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning after that had been similar to every other morning, except Castiel was with Dean when they drove to pick up his siblings. Gabe had teased him and made dirty jokes while Alfie was just happy Castiel had made him the brownies as he promised. Dean had just laughed it off, making Gabe lose interest and go back to bickering with Sam. Castiel found himself in a good mood despite himself.

After that day, Dean would invite Castiel to stay the night every time he knew he would be giving him a ride the next day. If they weren't watching movies, they were doing homework together. A fortunate byproduct being that Dean started actually doing decently in history. It was nice to be able to be out of the house more and eat edible cooking.

In exchange for the tutoring, Dean taught Castiel how to cook. Soon he knew how to make pasta without it being too raw or mushy, how to make homemade meatballs, and the perfect recipe for lasagna.

Despite his needling though, Dean refused to teach him the apple pie recipe.

“The second you learn you are going to fake dump me,” Dean teased, “I need something to keep you coming back.” 

Sometimes Castiel and Dean would go for morning runs together, at Dean’s request. He still had to cut his speed in half so Dean would be able to keep pace for the run, but he didn’t mind. 

“Shouldn’t a baseball player be better at this?”

“I’m a sprinter, I hate this distance crap.”

Castiel was introduced to Dean’s friends. They were all much friendlier than Cas had predicted and seemed to be trying to make sure he felt comfortable with them. Castiel found himself having a soft spot for Benny and his girlfriend Andrea. Dean’s other friends Victor and Lee seemed particularly invested in becoming friends with Castiel. When asked, Victor had confessed that he just didn't want Dean to get back together with Bella. 

Surprisingly enough, Dean had kept the ‘no talking to Bella’ promise pretty well. When talking with Castiel in the hallway he would act like she didn’t exist as she passed by. It was very impressive. Strangely, Bella hadn’t tried to attack Castiel or make his life miserable, but he was preparing himself mentally just in case.

The month flew by until Halloween came around. 

Castiel was walking through the school, reading the email from his publishing company. His book had been read over and given a seal of approval on the general plot and everything. In a couple of days he would get a paper copy of his first draft with suggested edits and changes that he knew would make it twice as long as the original. 

Castiel as somebody wrapped their arms around him from behind. Castiel jumped and instinctively tried to move away, hiding his phone in the process.

“Hey,” Dean murmured. Castiel relaxed.

“You are awfully clingy today,” he teased.

“Anna’s watching,” Dean whispered low into his ear. Castiel instantly filled with nervous energy but he nodded as Dean kissed his temple then released him.

“Can I hold your hand?” Dean asked quietly. It seemed kind of silly to ask for permission to hold hands after that but Castiel knew he was trying his best.

“Let me get my stuff then you can walk me to class.” Dean nodded and followed him to his locker.

“What were you reading?” He asked conversationally. 

So far, Castiel had managed to keep his writing career a secret. As close as friends he and Dean were, he knew that once Bella made her move to get back with him that it would be all over. He wasn’t sure he could trust Dean to not tell Bella.

Instead of fessing up, he just shrugged and said, “text from Michael.”

“What does king Michael want?” Dean teased. He leaned against the locker next to Castiel’s and absentmindedly picked at a bit of sticker glue.

“Wanted to make sure we were using condoms.” Castiel wasn’t sure why that was the lie he came up with, but Dean turning red as a tomato amused him greatly. “Now can we stop talking about Michael?” Castiel asked. He finished putting his things in his locker. 

“Yeah, I think we can.” Dean followed Castiel as he walked away, slipping their hands together. As they walked by Bella Dean pulled a piece of paper with Castiel’s name on in with a small heart over the eye. 

At this point, he knew the drill. Castiel took the note and slipped it into his pocket, pulling Dean down for a short kiss. Bella huffed and walked off. Dean smiled and kept walking.

When they arrived at Calculus, Dean pulled Cas into a hug. “Sorry I couldn’t drive you today, practice ya know?”

“Yeah no, you’re fine,” Castiel assured him. Since baseball had gotten into full swing, Dean had been unable to drive them a lot. Practice before school started on Mondays and after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Castiel ended up staying for Dean's games on Wednesdays, per the contract, so Gabe had taken to driving Alfie home on those days.

“Are you still taking Sammy home?”

“Yes,” Castiel assured him. He had also found out that Sam was walking home the days that Dean had practice so volunteered to drive him instead. He pitied Alfie the days that Gabe and Sam were alone in the car together. 

Dean smiled, “thanks, man.” The bell rang. Dean waved goodbye as he ran off to his own first-period class. Castiel rolled his eyes and went to sit down with Charlie.

The rest of the day passed as normal. He went to class, met Dean at the bleachers for lunch, kept going through the class, then went home. Castiel walking out of the shower and nearly screamed in surprise at Dean sitting on his bed, reading one of his books. In his surprise, he nearly dropped the towel wrapped around his waist.

Dean looked up, “good shower?”

“What are you doing here?” Castiel hissed. “I thought we weren’t hanging out tonight.” 

“Didn’t you read my note?” Dean asked. Castiel raised his eyebrow and walked over to his trenchcoat, pulling out a scrap of paper.

_I’ll pick you up at seven for the party. Text if you can’t go._

“What party?” Castiel asked.

“Lee’s Halloween party?” That didn’t ring any bells. “Come on Cas, he invited you yesterday and you said you would go.” Castiel vaguely remembered Lee nagging him about something yesterday and just agreeing so he would go away. 

Dean saw Castiel’s discomfort at the idea of going to a party. “If you don’t wanna go I can stay here and hang out with you. I’ve been meaning to show you tombstone anyways.”

Castiel felt warm all over. The more time he spent with Dean the more he realized just how good of a friend he was. Dean liked to take care of people, make sure they were happy. His disappointment about not going to his friend’s party was covered well but Castiel knew him fairly well, he could tell. He didn’t want Dean to regret not going to the party so he sighed.

“Do I need a costume?” Dean’s wide grin made something in Castiel's chest feel weird.

“Nah, you don’t have to. Just wear what you usually wear.”

“Okay fine,” Castiel went to his closet to grab something to wear, feeling Dean’s eyes on him. "Can you please turn around?”

“Uhh yeas sure. I can do that. That is something I can do.” Dean stammered over his sentence and turned bright red and turned to face the wall. Castiel pulled on a ratty old pair of jeans and one of the shirts Dean had left behind on accident when he stayed over one night. Castiel unconsciously took a sniff of the shirt. Despite going through the wash it smelled like apples, wood, and the smell that lingered around the impala.

“You can look now. I’m dressed.” Dean looked up and audibly cleared his throat. There was a strange look on his face as he took in what Castiel was wearing.

“Is that my shirt?” His voice sounded higher-pitched than usual.

“Yes, I’m being you for Halloween. Watch this.” Castiel grabbed a rule from his desk and pretended to swing at an imaginary ball.

Dean laughed at that, “well if you are going as me can I wear the trenchcoat?”

Castiel hesitated. The coat had belonged to his dad. Whenever Gabe came home from a party he always looked completely sloshed and his clothes always reeked. 

“Relax Cas,” Dean smiled reassuringly, “I know your dad’s coat is important. Can I just borrow a shirt?” Castiel sagged in relief. 

“Yes of course.” He threw Dean a white button-down and an old tie, averting his eyes as Dean changed.

The shirt was just a little tight on Dean and Castiel thought he looked a little like he had the body of Clark Kent. Dean had made him watch the movie to celebrate winning his game last week. Castiel felt his mouth go dry and he had to tear his gaze away from Dean’s body.

“Shall we?” Dean asked.

-+-

When the got to the party Dean stopped him before he could leave the car. “You are okay with this right? I know parties aren’t your scene.”

Cas smiled, “yes Dean. When will you learn that I do what I want?”

“You aren’t just doing this for me then?”

“You have an awfully high opinion of yourself,” Castiel teased. 

“Shut up.” Dean pushed him playfully.

“How about this, we stay for a couple of hours to hang out with Lee then jump ship to go watch that tombstone movie you wanted to see.”

Dean smiled, “Deal. Give me your phone.”

“Why?” Castiel asked as he handed it over. Dean unlocked his phone and took a picture of himself.

“Alright, here is your brand new background.” He handed back the phone with his stupid face as the new home screen.

“What’s this for?” Castiel asked.

“In case I put my phone down, it's suspicious if we aren’t each other's backgrounds. Now smile.” He held up his phone and Castiel gave him a small grin. The flash went off. A small group of sophomore girls walked by their car. One pointed to Dean and the rest started giggling.

“Your fangirls are waiting,” Castiel awkwardly joked. Despite the attention he got from dating Dean, he really didn’t like being the center of attention. Logically, he knew those girls were staring at Dean, but he was _right there._ ”

“Should I tell them I’m taken?” Dean teased as he opened the door to get out.

“I think you made it know after making sure we were caught making out in the bathroom, the classroom, the cafeteria-”

“What can I say, I’m thorough. I have heard zero people doubting us.” Castiel rolled his eyes and got out of the car, instinctively grabbing Dean’s offered hand. 

As they walked into the party they were greeted by a wave of noise and the smell of weed and booze. Dean’s friend Lee was the first to notice them.

“Dean! You made it.” He walked over with the boy he had been chatting with before they got them and pulled Dean into a one-armed hug.

“I never miss your party man,” Dean grinned.

“But you said earlier-”

“Is Benny here yet?” Dean interrupted his friend. 

“Yeah, pong table with Andrea.”

“I gotta say hi to Benny, hang with Lee for a second?” Dean asked Castiel. 

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Castiel assured him. Dean rolled his eyes and gave Castiel a quick kiss on the forehead before dashing off.

Lee’s eyes raked over Castiel’s ‘costume’ and he raised an eyebrow. “You and Dean are still together then?” 

“Yes it would appear so,” Castiel replied. He was starting to get uncomfortable with the way Lee was staring at him.

“Well welcome to my party,” Lee cheerfully patted Castiel on the shoulder. He leaned forward and gave him a conspiratory wink, “but the real party is going to start later if you know what I mean.” 

“I don’t,” Castiel deadpanned, now exceedingly uncomfortable. The smell of cheap vodka on Lee’s breath made his eyes burn. He desperately searched for an excuse to get out of the conversation. Dean had disappeared but his eyes locked on Charlie chatting with a girl outside by the pool. Lee opened his mouth to say something else but Castiel interrupted him. 

“I see my friend Charlie over there, thank you again for inviting me.”

“But-” 

Castiel didn’t hear the rest of the sentence as he made his escape towards his friend. She didn’t notice his approach as he walked up and tapped her on the shoulder.

She turned around to face him and her face formed a surprised smile. “Castiel? What are you doing-”

“I think Lee is trying to flirt with me and I don’t know how to handle it in a polite way.” He felt bad for talking over her but Lee had followed after him and a quick glance up told him that he was close.

Charlie saw him too and her eyes widened, “gotta run gorgeous. Castiel needs to help me... Um...” He watched as she wracked her brain for an excuse. She grabbed his arm, “he needs to discuss Hufflepuff with me.” Charlie laughed as she dragged Castiel into the bathroom and shut the door.

“Thank you,” he said earnestly. “I think that he is inebriated.”

“Well in his defense, you dressed down is kinda hot. I’m gay and even I can admit it.”

Castiel ducked his head in embarrassment. “Thank you, Charlie.”

They sat in the bathroom in silence as they caught their breath. The sounds of the music and the party were muffled beyond the door. Eventually, somebody knocked because they had to pee.

“That’s our cue. Think Lee is gone?” Charlie went over to the door to let the kid in. The girl’s eyes widened when he saw Castiel.

“No way, are you cheatin on Dean?” 

“I’m gay?” Castiel said confused.

“Same here,” Charlie added. They walked back into the party, thankfully not seeing Lee. Charlie walked with him over to the vacant couch and sat down with him, resting her legs on him and stealing a handful of jelly beans on the coffee table.

“So you got Lee all handsy, Winchester completely whipped, and I’m fairly certain every horny freshman girl has thought about you and Dean getting it on at one point. What’s next? Is Benny going to come out with flowers soon?” Charlie laughed at the blush on his face. 

“Well Benny has a girlfriend already so that must be right up his alley,” a snarky voice cut in. Bella sat on the couch across from him while two of her friends sat on either side of her and one sat next to them.

“Hey Bella, thought I smelled fire and brimstone,” Charlie said scathingly. 

Bella and her friends laughed good-naturedly, to Castiel's surprise. “I know I’m hot as hell thank you,” Bella smiled.

One of her friends leaned towards them conspiratorially. “So... Dish. What's up with you and Winchester?”

“Oh, no. Don't push him. He's shy!” Bella gave him a look that anybody who hadn’t been her friend for most of the elementary school would think was friendly. But he knew it was a challenge.

“What do you wanna know?”

“Everything,” the girl next to him gestured, “When? How? Dean is really quiet about it and you’re always too busy to talk.”

“Sorry?” Castiel cocked his head in confusion.

“We wanna know how far?” One of the girls next to Bella said. “H on A?” When Castiel had no response to whatever kind of code she was speaking in. “H on N? H up and down on P? T on AH?”

“I have no idea what you are saying to me,” was the only response Castiel could think of. Charlie snorted.

Before the girls could confuse him further, Dean finally came into view holding two red cups. When he saw Castiel he awkwardly waved one hand and began to make his way over. 

“Hey Dean!” the girl next to him waved.

“Hey Kali, mind scooching?” 

“Yeah sure.” She stood up and turned around to Charlie, “wanna dance?”

Charlie’s gaze darkened in a way that Castiel never needed to see again. “Gladly,” Kali smirked and took her hand, leading her to a clear area where a bunch of other idiots were dancing. The other two girls with Bella got up to follow them.

“Bradbury is getting laid isn’t she?” Dean whispered to Castiel who shuddered as the image popped into his head. He laughed at the look on Castiel’s face and passed him one of the cups. “One ginger ale for the old man.”

“You drinking tonight?” Castiel nodded towards the cup.

“Nah. I’m driving after all.” 

“Looking at you being irresponsible,” Bella spoke up. They both looked up at the same time. Castiel had almost forgotten that she was there. “How you been Dean?” 

“Alright,” Dean shrugged before turning back to face Castiel. “Why, did you want a beer? I know you’ve been wanton to try new things lately.”

It was difficult to fight down a snort at Bella’s enraged, shocked expression. “Got anything stronger?”

“I’m kind of offended Castiel, is my company really that torturous?” 

_No, but it might help me deal with the way Bella is glaring at me,_ Castiel thought to himself. Instead of saying that out loud he just shrugged.

“Alright, one vodka ginger ale coming up.” Dean patted Castiel’s knee as he stood up and walked away. That just left him and Bella staring across from each other. Silently.

She clearly had even less interest in staying around Castiel than Castiel had in staying around her. She stood up and brushed a piece of lint off her sleeve.

“He’ll get bored of you ya know,” Bella said. Her tone wasn’t mean, she just said it the way one might say that it was going to be sunny or that the wanted to watch television.”

  
“Sorry?” Castiel cocked his head in confusion.

“He’ll get bored, he likes sex and frankly it is obvious that you have been holding out on him.” Bella stood up, “and when he realizes that you are a sexless joke, I will be here waiting.” With that Bella walked away, leaving behind a pit of unease in Castiel’s stomach.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Sexual assault. See the end of the chapter notes for where to avoid/what happens so you don't have to read it.
> 
> On another note, this chapter is 90% smut so if you don't like that you can just skip the smut part. I tried to not include any important plot points in the sex scene but I still summarized it at the end of the chapter notes as well just in case you don't want to read it but wanna know the gist of what hap.

The words kept echoing around in Castiel’s head ‘ _when he realizes that you are a sexless joke, I will be here waiting.’_ He wasn’t sure why they bothered him so much. Was it because it was so degrading to Dean? Because it was cruel to him? Or maybe it was because Bella was the one who said it.

After Bella left, Dean came back and gave him his cup which he gratefully drank. It was surprisingly good and had a familiar burn as it went down. He tried to pretend that everything was okay, but Dean had always been able to read Castiel like an open book.. 

“Cas, what happened? I can’t help if you won’t tell me what’s wrong,” Dean tried to rub Castiel’s shoulder reassuringly but Castiel turned on him angrily.

“Look, this is the end of the month, you can talk to Bella. How about you stop ignoring her and finally get what you wanted so I can be done with this.”

Dean’s face collapsed into a stricken look, “Cas…?”

Castiel just walked away from Dean and downed his cup. He went over to where he saw a cooler full of beer and cracked a can open. He glanced up to see Dean staring after him with that same horrible look on his face. He took a sip of the beer, regretting what he said, but too proud to turn around and apologize.

 _This is going to be a long night_.

-+-

After three more beers, Castiel was finally starting to feel something. The beer he had drunk was nasty and he wanted that ginger ale drink Dean gave him earlier, but after Castiel’s little tantrum Dean had disappeared. Sighing, Castiel took out his phone.

**Castiel**

_(10:43) I’m sorry. Can we talk?_

Castiel walked into the kitchen and filled a red cup with water. He sat on the counter and waited for a text back. Thankfully, it was only a couple of minutes.

**Dean**

_(10:46) Yeah sure. Where r u?_

Castiel was grateful that Dean was a better person than him.

**Castiel**

_(10:46) Kitchen_

**Dean**

_(10:47) Be right there_

Castiel put his phone away and took a sip of his water, too lost in his thoughts to notice Lee walking up behind him.

“Hey Cassie,” Lee slurred as he made his way over to him. He looked completely drunk as he stumbled his way over.

“Hello Lee,” Castiel said suspiciously. 

“I think you’re hot,” Lee said seriously. He started giggling like he had just said the funniest thing on the planet. Castiel just watched in amusement as Lee had to brace himself on the counter he was laughing so hard. “Dean Winchester’s hot boyfriend at my stupid party.” 

“This is a very nice party.” Castiel offered, unsure of what to say to the inebriated man.

“And you, are very nice.” Too late Castiel realized how close Lee had managed to get before he found his tongue in his mouth and lips kissing him hard. Castiel was grateful Lee was drunk because it was very easy to push him forcefully. 

“Lee stop,” Castiel Warner him. 

Not to be deterred, Lee slammed Castiel’s hands on the counter and leaned forward to kiss him again. Castiel winced in pain and felt a small panic begin to build in this chest. Just as he went to rip his hands free and swing a punch at him, a loud shout interrupted. 

“Hey what the hell,” a very angry male voice shouted next to him. Castiel looked up as Dean ran over and grabbed Lee away from him, slamming him against the wall. 

“Dean!” Lee sobered up enough to realize he had fucked up. “I’m sorry man, Cas just kissed me. I know he’s your boyfriend but-”  
Dean just punched him square across the jaw, making Lee collapse like a sack of bricks. The few other people in the kitchen watched the entire thing go down in surprise. Castiel ran up to grab Dean before he could continue beating the crap out of his friend. 

Benny walked up to the doorway with Andrea to investigate the noise. He looked down at Lee, back up to Dean who was shaking with anger, and at Castiel who was holding back Dean’s anger the best he could. 

“Everything okay here brother?”

“Lee can’t keep his fucking hands to himself,” Dean seethed. Lee didn’t respond to that, because he was unconscious.

Benny sighed, but he didn’t seem surprised. “I’ll sober him up.” He leaned down and effortlessly slung Lee over his shoulder.

Benny then turned to Castiel. “You get outta here with your boy before you kill somebody.” Dean still didn’t move to leave, glaring at Lee’s unconscious body. “Now,” Benny ordered in an unusually stern tone. Dean moves his glare up to Benny. 

“Dean,” Castiel tried a gentler approach. He slid in front of Dean and forced him to look into his eyes. With visual reluctance, Dean looked down slowly. He still looked beyond furious, but the fear that Castiel hadn’t seen before dissipates. 

“Come on, let’s go before you do something you’ll regret.” He held out his hand which Dean slipped his own into.   
Dean followed Castiel as he led him out of the kitchen into one of the many bedroom’s in Lee’s house. Dean punched a wall when he entered, then ducked down clutching his hand.

“Motherfucker that hurt,” he cursed. They sat in silence for a bit as Dean calmed himself down. Castiel tried to process what had just happened, surprised that Dean was so angry about the kiss. He knew that it was bad for the image of their fake relationship, but Bella got caught cheating multiple times and nobody ever doubted them.

Regardless of how little sense it made, Castiel wanted that hateful look to leave his face. “Dean, I’m sorry.”

Most of the anger melted into confusion. “Sorry?”

“I know why you’re angry, but people have caught Bella kissing other dudes all the time. I promise I didn’t even want to kiss him, he just kind of ended up on top of me.”  
Castiel’s rationalization just seemed to piss Dean off more. “You think I’m upset because people might think you were cheating on me?”

“Well why else would you be mad?” Castiel asked, now confused himself.

“I’m pissed because my best friend kissed my boyfriend. I’m pissed because I saw how scared you looked while he was kissing you. I’m pissed because I wasn’t there to stop it in the first place.” 

Dean walked up close to Castiel and gently lifted his hands, rubbing soothing circles over the red marks on his wrists from where they got slammed into the counter. 

As he watched, what Dean has said slowly began to sink in. 

“Were you worried about me?” Castiel asked. Dean ducked his head. 

“Dean,” he said gently, “I promise that if you hadn’t shown up when you did, I was going to give Lee a lesson that you haven’t quite managed to grasp yourself.” He his head to make eye contact, “I don’t do things I don’t want to do.”

Dean laughed at that, “shouldn’t I be the one trying to make you feel better?”

“I always feel better when I’m around you.” Castiel said honestly. 

Dean’s eyes widened. The room was dark, save the bright moon shining from the window and the yellow glow of the house lights coming from under the door. Despite the darkness though, Castiel could see the beautiful green in his friend’s eyes, the faint blush on his cheeks, and his full pink mouth. He knew it was the alcohol talking, but he really wanted to kiss those lips.

Dean seemed to become aware of just how close they were at the same time Castiel came to the realization that he wanted to kiss him. Castiel watched as those beautiful green eyes flicked down to Castiel’s own lips and back up. It was so brief, but the way Dean’s pupils and where their chests were pressed against each other, Castiel could feel Dean’s heart rate pick up.

“Cas..” Dean breathed out, lips slightly parting as they formed his name. 

That is what snapped what little self control he had. 

Hungrily, Castiel smashed their lips together. He felt Dean’s hands reach up to wrap around his back and hold him in place, returning the kiss with just as much desperation as Castiel put into it. Castiel moved his own hands to grip Dean’s hair, pulling slightly. Dean moaned quietly into Castiel’s mouth in encouragement.

There was a tiny nagging voice in the back of Castiel's head trying to warn him that this would be a mistake. That he should stop now. That he was drunk, and Dean probably got drunk when Castiel couldn’t see him. That they were going to regret this. 

Instead of listening he gently introduced his tongue to Dean which elicited a noise that went directly to his dick. It effectively drowned the voice out.

Castiel pressed himself as close as he could to Dean, running his hands up and down his body. He wanted more, to touch more, to be closer. He tucked his hands under Dean’s shirt, feeling at his bare skin.

“Cas,” Dean moaned against his lips. The way Dean said his name sent all the blood that was left in his brain rushing to his dick. Castiel thanked the alcohol for the confidence that was going through his whole body he nibbled on Dean’s bottom lip. 

“Take your shirt off,” Castiel ordered. He was surprised at the authority in his tone as he said it. Dean’s eyes darkened as he backed away, undoing the buttons on the shirt as quickly as he could. At the sight of the wisps of chest hair Castiel felt his mouth go dry. Dean was taking too long. 

Castiel walked forward and ripped the shirt open the rest of the way, spilling the buttons on the floor in the process. Dean chuckled, “impatient?”  
“Very,” Castiel said darkly. He pulled Dean against his chest, letting Dean feel the swelling of his cock against his leg.

“You sure are,” Dean said breathlessly. He moved his hand down to palm Castiel through his pants which made a tension begin to build up in his chest. Castiel knew he was a virgin but he refused to come in his pants. He grabbed Dean’s hand and moved it to his ass instead. 

Castiel leaned forward to kiss him again but Dean put his hand against his chest and stepped away.

Very quickly, Castiel’s brain started to yell at him about how Dean was going to regret this. How Dean was going to turn around and say he wasn’t gay and walk out. Or worse, how Dean was going to turn around and decide that he maybe he was gay, he just didn’t want anything to do with Castiel anymore.

Instead, Dean did the best thing.

“Let me lock the door,” he laughed at Castiel’s stricken expression. Castiel watched Dean’s tight ass as he walked away. Dean turned the button on the knob then faced Castiel. 

Castiel watched as Dean slowly moved his gaze over Castiel’s body. Stopping when he reached his eyes. “Can I kiss you again?” Dean asked. The way he said it though he may as well had asked if he could bend him over the bed and fuck him. Something Castiel would probably have said yes to as well, considering how turned on he was. But he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. 

Figuring actions were better than words, Castiel made his way over to Dean and pressed him against the door in a bruising kiss. Dean grunted I’m surprised but he didn’t seem to have a problem with it as he returned Castiel’s kiss with hunger. Castiel hoisted Dean up who wrapped his legs around his waist. 

I’m their new position, Castiel could feel Dean’s hard on pressed against him through their jeans. When Dean grinded his hips against Castiel’s he had to think of Bobby naked so he wouldn’t come on the spot. 

“Come on Cas, the bed.” 

Castiel carried Dean over to the bed with him still wrapped around him. He nearly stumbled when Dean moved his lips to his neck and began to suck a mark into his skin.

“Can I just say, you throwing me around like this is insanely hot,” Dean grinned as Castiel threw him onto the bed. He rolled his eyes and leaned down to continue to kiss him. 

Once they were on the bed though, Castiel’s inexperience had caught up to him. He kept kissing Dean, but didn’t know what else to do. He was honestly surprised he had gotten as far as he had.   
Dean sensed his nervousness and pulled his lips away, resting their foreheads together. 

“Can I take off your pants?” He suggested.

Castiel thought that was an amazing idea. He nodded mutely as Dean reached down and undid the buttons on his jeans. He gave Dean a short kiss before he leaned away to take off the pants the rest of the way. While he was leaned away Dean took off his own. They kicked their shoes and pants to the side.

Castiel went to remove his shirt but was stopped by Dean’s hand. He furrowed his brows in confusion. He watched as Dean hungrily took in the sight of him. 

Realizing what Dean was so interested in, Castiel gave him what he hoped looked like a seductive smile. He reached down, playing with the edge of the shirt. Dean watched, utterly entranced. 

Castiel got bolder as he pulled up the top big shirt enough to show his boxers. He slowly began to slide them off, careful not to touch himself and come too early. Castiel threw the boxers to the side. Now he was only wearing the shirt. 

He smirked, “should I keep the shirt on?”

Dean practically growled as he dragged Castiel down and flipped them over so that Dean was on top. Then he began to kiss him within every inch of his life. 

Castiel hungrily licked into Dean's mouth and moved their cocks together. Now that there was just the thin cloth of Dean’s underwear between them, the sensation was unbelievable.   
Dean rolled his hips down against Castiel’s and short circuited his brain. He struggled now to come from the sensation. Castiel heard a low whimper that he was surprised to realize came from himself. Dean smiled against his lips.

“You like that?” Dean asked teasingly.

“Hnngh,” was the only word that Castiel could come up with.

“Well then you are going to _love_ this.” Castiel saw some movement out of the corner of his eye and the next thing he knew Dean’s hand was wrapped around his dick. 

The feeling of Dean’s warm hand wrapped around him was the final push the sent Castiel over the edge. He buried his face in Dean’s neck as he came. 

“That’s it angel,” Dean murmured in his ear as he stroked Castiel through his orgasm. Castiel felt shaky all over and he was fairly certain that if he tried to stand he would collapse. Castiel tried to not feel mortified that he had barely even gotten his dick touched before coming. 

Castiel pulled his head away from Dean’s neck and blushed at the heat in his eyes. He couldn’t handle the intensity of the stare so he moved his face forward to capture Dean in another absolutely filthy kiss. He rolled them over so he was back on top. 

He felt Dean’s hardness through his underwear as he straddled Dean’s hips. Dean moaned at the friction and wound his fingers through Castiel’s hair.

“God you look so hot when you come,” Dean said against his lips before he went back to kissing him. He felt Dean’s hand snake between them to slip into his underwear, but Castiel grabbed his wrist before it got there. Dean made a confused noise in his throat and pulled away to make eye contact.

“Let me,” Castiel said, feeling his face burn in embarrassment. His heart was nearly beating out of his chest with nerves. 

“Well I’m sure as hell not gonna stop you,” Dean said breathlessly.

“Just, tell me what to do okay?”

Dean nodded mutely as Castiel slid down his body and pulled down his underwear. Tentatively, he wrapped his hand around Dean’s cock. It was warm, heavy and slightly leaking from the tip. It was a bit thicker than Castiels and slightly longer, but still fairly close in size. He ran his finger over the tip and heard Dean’s breath catch. Emboldened by that, he carefully ran his hand up and down the shaft a couple of times.

“You’re doing great angel,” Dean moaned out. Castiel smiled and gave his dick a few more tugs, feeling it pulse in his hand. He looked as precum dripping out of this tip. Then, he had an amazing idea.

“Hey Dean,” Castiel leaned in close enough to kiss Dean, leaving just a millimeter between them. 

Dean just painted and tried to close the gap between them for a kiss. He canted his hips up into Castiel's hand and made a noise that Castiel was dying for him to make again. When Castiel leaned away from the kiss, Dean stared up at him in confusion. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. One hand ran through Castiel’s hair while the other caressed his cheek. 

“Remember how I said I wanted to taste new things,” Castiel purred out. He began to slide down Dean’s body to put his face near his cock. Dean was a little slow on the uptake though. 

“Cas wh- _oh fuck,_ ” Dean cursed as Castiel gave the tip of his dick an experimental lick. Castiel watched as his whole body tensed up and his cum began to fly out. He pulled back but some still got on his face and hair. 

Dean reached down and yanked Castiel back up to him. He licked into his mouth as if searching for his own cum. With his legs wrapped around him, Dean continued to fuck Castiel’s mouth with his tongue while the high from his orgasm faded. 

Eventually, Castiel rolled off Dean and laid next to him on the bed in exhaustion. What they did finally began to sink in. He turned to Dean, unsure of what to say. 

“Dean-“ he began but Dean shushed him. 

“Not now Cas.” He moved towards Castiel and rested his head on his chest. “Can we just talk in the morning?”

Castiel nodded, pulling up a blanket to cover their bodies. Hesitantly, he began to run his fingers through Dean’s hair. Soon, he fell asleep to the sound of Dean’s breathing and the music outside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To avoid reading the assault just skip the kitchen scene to when Castiel is with Dean in the bedroom trying to calm him down. Basically Lee kisses Castiel, which is all you really need to know.
> 
> Smut scene summary: Castiel drunk kisses Dean and hook up, despite thinking it is a bad idea. After they hook up Dean asks if they can wait to talk about it until the morning and they fall asleep together.


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel was woken up by the light filtering through the window. His head felt like somebody set a small bomb in it. His body ached all over, and his stomach felt like it was about to commit mutiny. Castiel closed his eyes to block out the light from the window. 

With a groan, he tried to roll out of bed, only to be stopped by an arm spooning him from behind. Castiel looked back in confusion, and then dread accompanied the queasy feeling already in his stomach. 

Dean looked so peaceful in his sleep. He grunted at Castiel’s movement but didn’t wake. The arm around Castiel’s waist tightened, trying to pull him closed. 

As he stared at Dean, the events of last night slowly came back to him. The feeling of Dean’s body under his hands, his lips, Dean's hand on his cock, the gorgeous sound Dean made as he came.    
Carefully so as to not wake Dean up, Castiel removed his hand from around his waist and slid out of bed. He ducked down to grab his clothes and hurriedly slid them on. 

He looked back at Dean, naked body barely covered by a thin sheet. Sober Castiel still wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch Dean, to kiss him senseless. Now that he knew what it was like to have Dean, he wanted to continue kissing him, to fall back into bed, and see if he could get Dean to make those noises again. 

Instead, Castiel dug around in his pocket to pull out his phone and check the time, cursing when he saw the six missed calls from Jody and four texts. He opened the texts first. 

**Jody**

_ (10:30 pm) Hey Castiel, haven’t heard from you all night. Just wondering when you are getting back.  _

_ (11:47 pm) Castiel? _

_ (12:12 am) Castiel I am NOT happy. Answer your phone.  _

_ (12:45 am) Gabe said he saw you at the party. Luckily for you he also said that he saw you go to sleep for the night. Only reason I’m not filing a missing persons. Call me when you wake up.  _

He cursed and began to type out a message. 

**Castiel**

_ (8:17 am) I’m sorry aunt Jody, I didn’t see your messages because my phone died. Lee let us stay the night because we were too tired to drive. I will call you in a few minutes.  _

He looked back down at Dean who was still asleep, wondering what he could possibly say. Castiel has zero clue what to do, so he went through the facts in his head. 

  1. He and Dean hooked up
  2. Dean was still in love with Bella
  3. Dean was heterosexual, although last night provided evidence to the contrary
  4. Dean was going to hate him when he woke up. 
  5. He was in Lee’s house
  6. His head really hurt, hangovers sucked



Castiel buried his head in his hands. The fact that he was sexually attracted to Dean was undeniable, but he knew it would make their fake relationship awkward. Although he supposed if they broke it off, then he wouldn’t have to go on the ski trip. 

But something in Castiel didn’t want to break off his fake relationship. It had been nice having his friend back. Being around Dean made Castiel feel comfortable enough in his own skin that he could joke around, not obsess over work. Castiel knew though, that the second they ‘broke up’ that Bella would swoop in and take Dean back, which meant they would have to go back to pretending the other didn’t exist. 

Castiel let out a heavy sigh, looking around the room for something to do while waiting for Dean to wake up. He didn’t want to leave his friend naked in bed and risk somebody walking in. His eyes fell on the shirt Dean had been wearing yesterday, the buttons were scattered around the room along with the rest of Dean’s clothes. Castiel went to work cleaning up. 

“Hey,” a voice mumbled from the bed as he bent down to pick up a bead that had gotten under a desk in the corner. Castiel jumped in surprise and banged his head on the desk. Grumbling, he rubbed the back of his head and stood up to face him, ready for the worse.

Dean was just staring at him looking amused. His hair was ruffled with sleep and pushed mostly to the side. His body was unashamedly on display. 

“Morning,” he said awkwardly. 

“Your head okay man?” Dean said in concern. He stood up to walk over to Castiel. Castiel widened his head in surprise and looked up to avoid staring at Dean’s dick. 

Dean realized that he was naked. “Oh sorry, should probably put some pants on huh.”

“Here,” Castiel kept his gaze averted as he handed Dean the balled-up clothes in his hands. “It seems to be missing some buttons,” Castiel blushed. 

“Well, you _were_ pretty impatient.” Dean teased. He grabbed the clothes from Castiel and walked away. 

He was acting surprisingly cool in Castiel's opinion. He expected Dean to be awkward, mad, or upset. This calm chillness was rubbing Castiel the wrong way. 

“Hey, Dean I need to apologize.” He heard Dean's movements stop. 

“Yeah?” Dean said. His amusement was gone in exchange for a carefully neutral tone. 

“Yeah, I was really drunk and I’m sorry. I know you have a thing for Bella and I swear I don’t have feelings for you, contrary to how I acted last night.”

Dean was silent for a bit. Castiel heard him resume dressing without talking. Castiel waited in silence to be berated. 

“Cas relax,” Dean finally said, “friends hook up all the time.”

“What?” Dean's words weren’t really registering to Castiel. He had been ready for the end of their friendship, not Dean telling him it was totally normal for guy friends to touch each other’s dicks and make out. 

“Granted the whole dude thing is new, but I was into it and you seemed into it so I guess that I don’t really care.” Dean shrugged. He sat down on the bed to put on his shoes. 

Castiel stared at him dumbfounded. “I thought you were gay though,” was the only thing he could think to say to that. 

“Being bi is a thing,” Dean said defensively.

“You’re being surprisingly cool about this.”

“It’s not like it’s a bad thing,” he rationalized. “Besides, everyone and my family already thinks I’m bi so what is the big deal?”

Castiel supposed he was right. He was still trying to wrap his head around Dean’s attitude over things. It was genuinely the last thing he expected him to say. 

“Regardless. I’m sorry, I promise it won’t happen ever again.” 

Dean raised his eyebrow, “right.” He finished tying his laces and jumped up. “Alright, let’s go get breakfast.”

“Sorry?” Castiel asked. This morning was confusing.

“Yeah, I bet you gotta call Jody first though. She probably freaked out when you didn’t go home last night.”

“Yeah,” Castiel said in surprise. 

“Right, well while you call I’m gonna thank Benny for making sure I didn’t commit murder, grab some Tylenol because the way you are looking at me is telling me you got a hangover, steal a shirt from the biggest dick I know, and then meet you at the car. Sound like a plan?”

Castiel nodded mutely. Dean smiled as he left the room. He pulled out his phone to call Jody.

-+-

After getting berated for worrying the crap out of his aunt and lectured for not answering his phone, Castiel was officially given the go-ahead to get breakfast with Dean. 

Castiel walked out to the car, blocking the sun from his eyes with his hand so he wouldn’t irritate his stomach. Dean has switched out his button down for an old tee. He was arguing with somebody on the phone so he didn’t notice Castiel at first. 

“-don’t care what you think. It’s my decision and…” Dean trailed off as he noticed him. “I gotta go bitch. Call me later.”

“Was that Sam?” Castiel asked. It had taken him a moment to learn that bitch was Dean’s term of endearment for his brother. 

“Unfortunately. He had to cover for me with Bobby yesterday so he’s being pissy.” Dean shrugged and hopped off the hood of his car, handing Castiel a couple of Tylenol and a bottle of water. “Nurse Dean has your prescription ready to go.”

“Probably should stick with being a candy striper,” Castiel teaser as he gratefully took the offered meds. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Breakfast? The roadhouse has a good bacon egg bagel.” 

Castiel nodded in agreement. Dean seemed as unwilling to talk about last night as Castiel, functioning on pure denial. Not that Castiel was disappointed, it was actually the best-case scenario in his eyes.

However, despite Dean being totally cool and not talking about it or thinking it, the car ride was silent and charged with uncomfortable tension. Dean made a comment or two about the weather but that was it. 

In the ten minute drive to the Roadhouse, the ibuprofen began to kick in and Castiel felt marginally better as he sipped his water. His stomach still felt topsy turvy and the light was still the cause for hurting but he felt better. When they walked into the dark bar, Castiel sighed in relief. 

Dean chuckled at him. “Headache that bad?”

“Yes,” Castiel said gravely.

“Drama queen,” Dean snorted. He led Castiel over to the darkest booth in the corner though and ordered two bagel sandwiches, so Castiel couldn't stay mad.

“So what did you wanna talk about last night?” Dean asked. 

“What?”

“Before we, ya know,” Dean blushed slightly, “you texted and said you wanted to talk. What was wrong?” Castiel vaguely remembered sulking in the kitchen before he sent the text. 

Castiel sighed, “remember how I was being an assbutt to you?”

“No,” Dean said sarcastically, “you? Being testy? Never.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Bella said something that’s honestly so stupid now that I think about it. I wanted to say sorry for it.”

“What did Bella say?” Dean asked in concern. 

“Just something about me being sexless or something,” Castiel mumbles in embarrassment. He decided not to add the part where Bella implied Dean was shallow and sex obsessed. 

Dean looked troubled. “Is that why you…” Dean trailed off as he gestured to Castiel’s body, “is that the reason you..?”

“God no,” Castiel laughed awkwardly, “I wouldn’t just hook up with somebody because of something Bella said.”

At that Dean visibly relaxed. The waitress came by and dropped off the bagels and two shakes. “Ellen said it’s on the house.” 

“Thanks,” Dean smiled widely and winked at the waitress. She just rolled her eyes and walked away. Dean picked up his bagel and took a large bite and Castiel did the same.

“Well, other than the whole thing with you jumping me I think we were pretty convincing,” Dean said conversationally.

“I didn’t jump you,” Castiel protested. 

“Bella was so pissed off,” Dean ignored Castiel. “When I talked to Benny this morning he told me she left before eleven. Party went on til 2 am.”

“I’m glad,” Castiel forced a smile and refrained from telling Dean that they technically left the party at eleven too. They kept eating in silence, Dean didn’t stop for breath as he inhaled his sandwich. He cleaned his plate and began to drink his shake. After a sip, he opened his mouth again to speak.

“She makes me so angry sometimes.”

“We're still talking about her?” Castiel asked. “I thought part of our deal was I didn’t have to listen to you rant about Bella.”

“For the last month, she’s been acting like I didn’t exist. I didn't even need to actively avoid her like you said. Last night she talked to me for the first time and when we left, I got a thousand texts from her as if nothing has happened.”

“Okay,” Castiel said slowly. “Have you been responding?”

“No, I'm…” Dean trailed off in frustration.

“Well the month is up, you can talk to her and not break the deal.”

Dean looked at him with a puzzled face, “do you want me to call her.”

Not really, but based on last night Castiel knew if he said that then Dean might interpret it the wrong way. “I think that it is none of my business.”

“Yeah, guess not.” Dean’s expression was unreadable. “I'll just call her after I drop you at home.”

“Okay,” Castiel wasn’t sure why that bothered him.

“You-” Dean started but he shook his head and stopped whatever he was going to say. “You really don’t like me and Bella, do you Cas?”

“I never said that.”

“It’s written all over your face,” Dean leaned forward on the table. “I know you want to know why I still love somebody who keeps dumping me, and I know you’ll never ask.” Castiel shrugged, neither confirming nor denying out loud. But internally he knew what Dean said was completely true.

“You’ve never dated anybody, so I guess that doesn’t surprise me.” Dean sighed and leaned back. After a beat of silence, he opened his mouth again, “why haven't you ever dated?” His question wasn’t in the same slightly judgemental tone that his brothers and friends usually asked him the question in. He just looked genuinely confused.

"I don't know,” Castiel shrugged, “I guess no one's ever liked me like that.”

“Lies.” Dean pointed an accusatory finger at Castiel, “I know that those are lies, because I know for a fact Hannah Johnson asked you to Spring Formal last year and you said no.”

“Are you keeping tabs on me?” Castiel asked. He hadn’t told anybody about that. She had walked up to him, blushing as red as a tomato when she asked. Castiel had said no because he had a meeting with his publishers for one of his books.

“Come on, Cas, talk to me.” Dean avoided the question. Castiel stared at him mystified, still not wanting to answer. “What happened to no secrets?” Dean pressed. “Fight Club, remember?”   
Castiel sighed, “I’ve always been so busy. I take college courses online, I’ve been taking all the AP classes offered since freshman year, I work on little projects on my own. I have no time for dating.” 

“Bullshit.” Dean scoffed. Castiel snapped his head up in surprise. Usually, that story worked on everyone else. Dean was looking at him like he could see right through him, making Castiel feel like he was being put on the spot.

“It’s the truth,” Castiel said defensively.

“You are always a month ahead on work and you have time to sit around with my dumbass for hours every night doing shit. So how about you try to answer my question again.” Dean raised an eyebrow. 

Castiel mentally curse. The last thing he wanted to do was spill his insecurities to Dean Winchester, to spill his feeling. Castiel stared back at him, feeling his heart start to beat fast. 

“It’s the truth,” Castiel stuck to his guns. 

Dean frowned. “Fine, don’t bother telling me.” Castiel relaxed a little, but his heart still felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. “I won’t push, under one condition.”

“What’s that,” Castiel asked quickly, desperate to change the subject.

“You tell me why you jumped me.”

“I didn’t jump you,” Castiel protested for the second time that morning. “Besides, I already told you I was drunk.”

“Cas,” Dean shot him a look, “I’ve been drunk too but I’ve never been down to hook up with Benny.”

“Well I was pretty drunk,” Castiel tried to reason.

“You had two beers and ginger ale with barely any vodka in it.”

Castiel frowned at that, “I thought I lost you at the party.”

“You really thought I was going to leave my introvert friend alone at his first party?” Dean raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were mad at me so I had Benny watch out for you.” That was actually pretty sweet. Castiel tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach at that. 

Castiel dropped his defensiveness, “I honestly don’t know Dean. I guess I thought you looked really hot in my clothes?”

Dean gave him a sly smirk, “yeah?”

“Don’t let it get to your head,” Castiel deadpanned, “just because I think you’re hot doesn’t mean I like you.” 

“Oh no, I’m totally letting this go to my head,” Dean laughed. “The ‘too smart for you’ Castiel Novak thought I was so hot that the second he took a sip of vodka he was ready to stick his hand in my pants.”

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Castiel grumbled. He crossed his arms and glared at Dean, pretending that he wasn’t sulking.

Dean contained his laugh but the smile was still on his face. “If it makes you feel any better, you looked so hot in my clothes that you were my gay awakening.” 

Castiel felt his face burn, he was certain that he looked like a tomato. He buried his head in his arms when Dean started laughing again, “I hate you.”

“Maybe so, but you think I’m hot.” Castiel kept his face buried in mortification. A small part of him was also feeling pretty smug that Dean thought he was hot too.

“You know, it’s completely normal for friends to hook up,” Dean said reassuringly. 

“It’s not normal for me,” Castiel grumbled, “I don’t do ‘sex’ or things like that.”

“Well, everybody starts somewhere,” Dean rationalized. Castiel peaked his head out from his arms to look at him. 

Castiel had heard the expression ‘face like a cat that got in the cream’ before, but until he saw the pleased look on Dean’s face he hadn’t seen it in person. Dean knowing that Castiel thought he was hot looked unbelievably smug. He had a little bit of a milk mustache from his shake that Castiel found himself wanting to lean forward and kiss it off. Naturally, that led to him thinking about last night.

“Did you mean it?” Dean asked, pulling Castiel out of his train of thought.

“Sorry?” Castiel asked. He shook the mental image of Dean naked out of his head.  _ Get a handle on your dick Castiel _ , he thought to himself.

“Did you mean it when you said never again? Because last night doesn’t have to be the last time.” Dean sounded cool as a cucumber, but Castiel could see the nerves under the surface.

“Are you asking me to have sex right now?” Castiel asked in confusion. 

“Not right now,” Dean blushed. “I just meant- Well you see-” Dean blushed and stammered as he tried to get his sentence out. “I can’t hook up with anybody without people thinking we broke up, you can’t either. I was just saying if you ever needed to let off steam I’m more than happy to volunteer.”

Castiel stared at him dumbfounded. He has started out the morning worried that Dean would never speak to him again, now he was being offered casual sex with one of the hottest people he had ever known. His mind instantly flooded with suggestions for what they could do next.

“I’m not sure what you want me to say,” Castiel said with uncertainty.

“I was just letting you know, I think you are hot and I wouldn’t mind hooking up again if you’re down.” Dean’s eyes widened slightly, “I’m not trying to pressure you or anything though. If you don’t want to hook up ever again or if you want me to never mention it again I am also completely okay with that.”

Castiel ran over the choices in his head. He knew that if he said not that Dean would keep his words. They would go back to being just friends with some sexual tension but that was it. It was the safest option.

On the other hand, he could continue to be able to touch Dean the way he did last night. He could hear those gorgeous moans again, feel those hands on him, have those lips on his own.

Castiel wasn’t stupid though, he knew that having sex risked feelings. He had feelings for Dean in the past, so he was especially at risk. He doubted that he would though, Castiel had gotten to know Dean over this past month and he didn’t even slightly like him that way yet. 

He looked at Dean’s nervous face, making his decision.

“Do you think the backseat of Baby will fit both of us? Or should we try to lock ourselves in the bathroom?”

Dean’s eyes darkened, “how about Baby? I think Ellen would actually kill us if we had sex in her bathroom.”

“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all! Had a touch of writers block and I'm busy with college. The next chapter will come out Monday! Please give me feedback on how I've done so far and anything you might wanna see. I hope y'all keep getting enjoyment out of this little fic!


	12. Chapter 12

After receiving a very short blowjob in the backseat of the impala, Dean dropped Castiel off at home with the reminder that he had practice in the morning on Monday. He watched Dean pull out his phone as he drove off, feeling the pit in his stomach as he imagined the conversation he and Bella were having.

He also chose not to think about how stupid he knew he was being.

When he walked through his door he saw Gabe eating a bowl of cereal at the counter. Gabriel looked up disinterestedly and waved. He looked away bored, but then his head snapped back up and his eyes widened. 

“Is that a hickey?” Gabe asked in gleeful surprise. He pointed towards Castiel’s neck. 

“What?” Castiel ran to the tall mirror to see what he was talking about. Below his ear, the slowly forming mark stuck out like a sore thumb. Castiel pulled his shirt down to check and see where Dean had bitten him last night. Sure enough, a small bruise was forming on his collarbone

Gabe watched him, laughing. “Cassie’s first hickey. I feel like we should commemorate it. Maybe take some pictures.”

“Don’t call me Cassie.” Castiel readjusted the shirt to cover it up again. 

“I’m just so proud,” Gabe wiped a fake tear from his eye.

“I hate you,” Castiel said venomously.

Gabe dropped the dramatics but still looked completely amused. “I take that to mean you and Dean are doing well.”

“We haven’t broken up no.”

“Well miracle of miracles,” Gabe teased. The venom that was usually present in his tone whenever he talked about Dean was gone. Castiel looked at him in confusion, really taking in the sight of his brother. His eyes were red-rimmed and tired and he had a blanket wrapped tight around him. He looked like hell.

“Are you okay?” He asked sincerely. 

“Just a bit hungover,” Gabe replied nonchalantly. He took another bite of his cereal.

“Were you at the party?” 

“Nah, I was at Kali’s all night.” Castiel had always thought of himself as being the person Gabe trusted. Gabe never lied, misled, or withheld information from him intentionally. Maybe it was a twin thing, maybe it was a Castiel never being judgemental thing. In that moment though, Castiel could tell Gabe was lying. 

Castiel wasn’t sure when they had started lying to each other, but he didn’t like it. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Gabe asked defensively. In that moment Castiel wanted to come clean completely about everything. He wanted to tell Gabe that the relationship was fake, that he had just agreed to a no strings attached sexual relationship.

He kept his mouth shut instead.

“Nothing,”

“Well, I am gonna sleep all weekend if you don’t mind, freak.”

“I think that is a coma,” Castiel deadpanned. 

Gabe let out a snort as he walked away, “then so be it.” The blanket fell from Gabe’s shoulders as he walked and that was when he saw a familiar looking bruise on his neck.

_ What the hell did you get into last night?  _ Castiel thought to himself.

-+-

Before Castiel knew it, Thanksgiving was coming around. Most people were buzzing around school, excited for the short break and plans with their family. Dean was talking about how he had to cook Thanksgiving dinner for his family. 

For Castiel’s family though, the days leading up to thanksgiving were a much more grim affair.

His brothers all dealt a different way. Gabe disappeared from the house for a whole week, only calling to let Jody know he wasn’t dead. Castiel suspected that Jody knew exactly where he was anyways, she was smart like that. Michael shut down and turned into an emotionless robot. He didn’t call at all, only texting to send updates on when he was busy so as not to bother him.

Castiel pulled an all-nighter to finish the second draft of his novel over the weekend instead of sleeping, hoping to avoid the dreams. Jody, Alfie, and Jo knew better than to confront him about what was wrong. Castiel suspected that Jo had given Dean a heads up when Dean started acting more friendly than usual. He became almost certain when Dean started refusing to put out.

When Castiel finally passed out from exhaustion, the nightmares came. 

After the first one, he woke up to Alfie in bed with him, hugging around his waist. When he asked Alfie said it was so he could wake him up when he started screaming. Castiel didn’t know he screamed.

Despite Aunt Jody and Alfie doing their best though, the only person who Castiel wanted to see was his old friend. She had been there with them through everything and all the lows that came after. She had sat with him in the hospital as he had to watch his family fight for their lives. But he hadn’t spoken to her since she got his love letter.

While eating a snack at the counter, he heard a knock on his front door. Confused, he checked his phone to see if Dean had texted him. Nothing. He went to the door and opened it to see Anna holding a pint of ice cream and a set of keys.

Her eyes were sad as they stared at each other not sure what to say. 

“Anna I-”   
“I know that-”

They both tried to talk at the same time. Castiel gestured for Anna to go first.

“I know why you’ve been avoiding me, and I wanted to call a truce.” She held out the icecream and waved the keys, “I know a good spot.”

Castiel pushed through the defensive ice cream. Anna made a small “oof” of surprise as he wrapped her in a tight hug. He felt the cold of the ice cream against his back as she returned his hug equally tight. He rested his head on top of hers.

“I missed you Asstiel,” Anna mumbled against his chest.

“I missed you too.” They stayed there hugging for a while longer.

“Alright,” Anna pulled away from the hug. “Here’s the deal, one week with both of us pretending it isn’t the anniversary and that you didn’t send me a love letter. Then we catch up and hang out” 

“Deal,” Castiel smiled gratefully.

“Well, you take this,” Anna passed him the ice cream and a spoon from her pocket. “Then I drive us to the lake and we throw the bread I have in the backseat at the fish.” Castiel smiled as he opened up his ice cream, following her to the car. 

“So tell me, how is everything?” Anna nudged him as she buckled up. 

“Well, I finished the second draft of my novel over the weekend.”

“That’s awesome,” Anna grinned. That grin turned into a frown, “wait, you weren’t pulling that stupid all-nighter shit right?” Castiel chose not to answer as he ate a bite of his ice cream. “Castiel,” Anna said in a disapproving tone.

“Shut up,” Castile mumbled. He took another bite. “It needed to get done.”

“Let me guess, all your other work for the next month is already done so you did it instead of dealing with your issues.” She gave him a sideways glance. “Give me a bite of that,” Anna opened her mouth for Castiel to put a spoonful inside. He rolled his eyes but obliged. “Mmm, Ben and Jerrys really snapped when they made half baked.”

“Stop psychoanalyzing me.”

“If you ever talked about your feelings I would not have to.” 

“I talk about my feelings,” Castiel scoffed. Anna gave him a pointed look as she pulled out of the driveway, which Castiel interpreted to mean she was talking about the letters. “I do!”

“Oh yeah?” Anna asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then prove it. Tell me about you and Dean. I wanna know all the freaky dicky details.”

“You’re still weird I see,” Castiel teased. It was a lame attempt at getting her to change the topic and he knew it.

“Pot, kettle, black.” Anna shook her head, “wait don’t change the subject. You’re my best friend, part of the contract is telling me about your boyfriend.”

“What do you want to know?” Castiel sighed

“Everything. How did you guys start talking again? When did it officially start?” Castiel mentally prepared himself to regurgitate the same story he had told everyone else. 

He looked Anna in the eyes at that moment though, his best friend since kindergarten. His friend who helped him write his essays when he had a broken wrist. His friend since kindergarten. The person who he had thought himself in love with. Sitting next to her he thought of his friendship with Dean and the feelings he had for Anna and realized a difference. 

He wasn’t in love with Anna. Not the way he was in love with Dean.

The realization hit him like a train, knocking the wind out of him. It was the two year anniversary of his parent’s death, he was having sex with a person who was using him to get back with Bella, and he was lying to his whole family. Looking at her face growing increasingly puzzled he realized that he didn’t want to be lying to his best friend of so many years too.

“Castiel-” Anna tried to ask but he cut her off.

“I made a mistake Anna.” Anna gave him a sideways glance at his words as she pulled into their spot by the lake. She shifted the car into park and turned it off. When the car was fully off she turned to him.

“What did you do?”

“Dean and I aren’t dating. We never were.” Anna looked even more confused at that.

“You are going to have to explain.”

And he did. He told her about how the letter she got was one of five that he had sent out. He told her about Dean finding him at the track and Castiel kissing him so that she wouldn’t think he liked her still. Then he told her about Dean tracking him down to the Roadhouse and the idea to fake date so Bella would get jealous.

Castiel told her about him accepting so that she would hopefully never find out he really did have feelings for her. He told her about the ‘practice’ make-out sessions he asked for which inevitably led to him hooking up with Dean at the party. How the hook up led to Dean and him hooking up casually for the past three weeks. 

Anna listened quietly for the whole time. She had always been a good listener, that was what Castiel liked about her so much. She was an easy conversationalist even though he didn’t really like to talk, and was always there to listen to what little he did have to say. He was grateful she listened until the end of his speech to give her input.

“Are you an idiot Castiel?” Cutting straight to the chase, another reason she was his best friend.

“Which part,” he asked dryly. 

“The part where you thought faking a relationship would be the best way to get me off your back instead of just  _ talking  _ to me. She started punching his arm. “You. Are. An. Idiot.” Each word was accompanied by another jab at his arm.

“Easy,” Castiel grabbed her arm before she could continue the abuse. “Besides that isn’t even the dumbest part.”

“Oh pray tell,” Anna replied sarcastically, “what could be dumber than that?” 

“The part where I tell you I know for certain now that I never had feelings for you.”

“Well that's good, how could that be dumb?”

“Well, the part where I know that because I’m in love with Dean Winchester.” 

“Huh…” Anna trailed off. She was silent for a bit as she mulled that over. Castiel watched nervously as his best friend decided how to react to his declaration. He braced himself in case she decided to punch him again.

She did. Hard.

“Castiel!” Anna scolded him.

“Yeah, I think I deserve that.”

“You think?” Anna scoffed. “You’ve written enough romance novels you should have expected to start liking him when you were having sex.”

“Not everyone falls in love with a person just for having sex,” Castiel mumbled defensively.

“Yeah, but not everyone is secretly a huge romantic.”

Castiel sighed but didn't deny her accusation. He buried his face in his hands. “Anna what am I gonna do.”

He heard Anna shift in her seat then felt her arms wrap around him in an awkward hug. He gratefully leaned his head onto her shoulder, ignoring the dig of the middle console into his side.

“You need to end this,” she suggested gently.

Castiel scoffed. “What would I say? ‘Hey Dean, we have to stop fake dating because I want to date you for real.’ Yeah, that will go over well.”

“Well, why don’t you say exactly that?” Anna pulled away from the hug and raised an eyebrow. 

“Because I don’t want him to stop being my friend.” He could feel Anna gearing up to call him an idiot again. “Look, I only have to wait for him to start dating Bella again. That shouldn’t be long now, she’s really jealous.” 

Anna sighed, “I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to,” Castiel reminded her. Anna gave him a glare that had no menace behind it. 

“Fine, but the second he hurts you I  _ will  _ go hell hath no fury on his ass.” 

“So will Jo and Charlie,” Castiel laughed. 

“Charlie Bradbury,” Anna said in excitement. “I hear you two were hanging out again. Is it true she hooked up with Gilda?”

“And Ruby, and Kali, and I think she asked Dorothy out on a date too.”

“My god,” Anna laughed, “she really came out as gay and went ‘well if I’m out, you are all coming out with me.’ How did Gabriel take Kali cheating on him.”

“Oh, they were never really dating,” Castiel shrugged, “when he found out he asked me if I could get Charlie to agree to a threesome.”

Anna snorted and reached in the backseat for the bread. “I’m gonna guess she said no?”

“I never asked.” They both laughed at that.

“Well,” Anna waved the bread in his face, “shall we take this conversation to the ducks?”

“Yes.” Castiel followed her out of the car. 

“I know this is a truce,” Anna said carefully, “but are we cool in general? I just, I really missed you man.”

Castiel just nodded, grabbing a piece of bread to throw at a duck, feeling lighter than he had in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, writer's block is a PAIN. Hope you are all having a lovely day! Once again, comment what you think because I love hearing from y'all.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is mention of major injuries and death in this chapter.

After spending the whole morning with Anna, they had left the lake with a hug and a reassurance that there was no more bad blood or confusion over the letter. Castiel distinctly remembered them agreeing not to talk about the letter in the first place, but Anna reminded him he was the one who brought it up. 

When she dropped him off at his home, Dean’s impala was parked out front. She gave him a side glance when she noticed. 

“Did I accidentally hijack you from one of your dates?” Despite what she said, she didn’t seem surprised to see Dean.

“No,” Castiel said in confusion. When he had checked his phone earlier Dean hadn’t said anything about stopping by. He pulled out his phone again to check if he had any messages. The only one was from Jody from ten minutes ago.

**Jody**

_ (4:13 pm) Can you make dinner tonight? I got work till late. Love you! _

Castiel sent a quick text back.

**Castiel**

_ (4:24 pm) Yes.  _

Anna nudged Castiel who looked up to see Dean standing at the kitchen window of his house, sipping from a large mug. He waved when Castiel made eye contact and gestured for him to come inside.

“I guess that’s my cue,” Castiel sighed. He went to leave the car but Anna grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Wait,” she had a devious look on her face that made him nervous.

“What?”

Anna leaned over and kissed him on the cheek as if she had done it a thousand times. Castiel stared at her in confusion but she just winked. “You will thank me one day.”

At that very cryptic response, Castiel opened the door to leave. When he looked up at the window Dean wasn’t there.

“By Cassie!” Anna shouted as he walked away.

“My name isn’t Cassie,” he shouted back. She just laughed at that. Castiel walked up to the door which swung open before he could touch it. Dean had a grumpy look on his face as he held the door open.

“Are you okay?” Castiel asked in concern. 

Dean shrugged, taking another sip of his drink. “Sam is being a little bitch is all.”

“Is that why you’re here?” Castiel raised an eyebrow.

“What? No.” Dean shook his head, “Jo said this would be a rough week so I thought I would surprise you.” Castiel followed his gaze as he gestured towards the counter where there was a pile of food. Apples, flour, sugar, and a bunch of other ingredients. He looked up at Dean in confusion.

“I figured I could finally teach you how to make my mom’s pie.” Dean scratched behind his head awkwardly, his shirt riding up slightly. Dean’s cheeks dusted pink in embarrassment.

Castiel didn’t know what to say. He knew that his mom's recipe was sacred to Dean. Multiple times Castiel had tried to convince Dean to teach him how to make it, but after Dean had told him it was the only thing he had from his mom that was just his he had stopped. Now here Dean was, ready to share it with him just because he had heard from Jo that this was a bad week for Castiel.

Castiel felt something wet on his cheek. He lifted his hand, surprised to find it was tears.

“Cas,” Dean said in an uncertain tone. His hand reached out and his long fingers wrapped gently around Castiel’s wrist. “Did I say something wrong?”

Castiel shook his head, afraid if he spoke that he would start sobbing uncontrollably. He wasn’t normally an emotional person but today had been a bit of a rollercoaster.

“C’mere,” Dean took a step towards him, enveloping Castiel in a tight hug. Castiel hid his face into Dean’s shirt, inhaling his warm scent. He took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears that he felt welling up inside him. Dean rubbed a soothing hand up and down his back.

They stayed there for far too long, Castiel hiding his tears in Dean’s shirt. He was tired and emotional and he missed his parents. His dad would have known exactly what to say to make him feel better about the Dean situation. His mom would be working on getting Thanksgiving ready. 

“My family got into a car accident,” Castiel mumbled into Dean’s shirt. 

“I know,” Dean said reassuringly.

“You don’t though,” Castiel pulled away. “Michael, Gabe, and I were in the car too.”   
Dean looked at him in stunned silence for a bit. “Well,” Dean said finally. “I guess the fact that you managed to keep it out of the rumor mill is the most surprising part.”

Castiel let out a humorless laugh, “that’s because Aunt Jody fought to make sure we were kept out of the news.”

“I’m guessing that’s why you were out of school?”   
“Yeah.” Castiel walked over to the counter and sat down. Dean slid into the seat next to him and gripped Castiel’s hand. Gratefully, Castiel squeezed back, using Dean to ground himself. 

Bracing himself, Castiel told Dean the story.

-+-

_ They were on their way back home after Michael’s game. Castiel was absentmindedly doing the biology homework. He had taught himself the material a week earlier so he wasn’t that worried about it. Also, it wasn’t even graded. Gabe was complaining about having to go to one of Michael’s games and Michael was giving him shit for it.  _

_ Gabe ended up mock wrestling Michael from the middle seat, accidentally elbowing Castiel and making him accidentally scribble out half of his work for one of the problems. _

_ Angrily, he slammed his work down and turned his head up. “Mom! Get Gabe and Michael to stop fighting.” _

_ “Michael stop fighting your brother,” his mom said in a bored tone. She turned the page of her magazine. _

_ “He started it!” _

_ “Then Gabe, stop fighting your brother.” His mom turned slightly back and flashed Castiel a wink. He hid his smile in his homework. _

_ Michael gave Gabriel a smirk of victory. Gabe practically growled when he saw it, “fuck you Mike.” _

_ Their dad turned back briefly to flash a disapproving look. “Boys-” he began to say in a warning tone, but he was interrupted by mom. _

_ “Chuck look out!” She shouted in panic. They looked up to see a large truck swerving into their lane and Castiel blacked out. _

-+-

_ Castiel’s memory of the next events was hazy. He remembered dragging himself out of the car door, wincing at the feeling of glass biting into his skin. He remembered the pain and the screams of his mother dying in the passenger seat. He remembered looking up and seeing his father’s dead eyes staring into his soul. _

_ In the ambulance, he was fading in and out with the doctors frantically trying to keep him awake. He remembered asking for his parents but only getting ignored.  _

_ When he had finally woken up in the hospital he had found himself with a bandaged abdomen and an exhausted Aunt Jody by his side. A doctor had come in shortly after and told him that he had impaled himself with his pencil with the force of the collision but managed to avoid any major organ damage. A couple of his ribs had cracked, he had a mild concussion, and he had a couple of superficial cuts and bruises from the glass. _

_ Castiel was confused at first, he didn’t remember the accident. The doctor assured him that was normal because he was in shock at the time. When Castiel asked about his family the doctor’s face immediately turned sympathetic. The dread Castiel felt at that moment was incomparable. _

_ His dad had died on impact and his mom was in intensive care for severe brain damage and internal bleeding. Gabriel was doing okay besides cuts and bruises from shattered glass. Michael had a severe concussion, a broken leg from it being crushed, and he was recovering from a pneumothorax. _

_ Castiel hadn’t let himself hope that his mom would be okay. He and his brothers were doing okay for the most part though and Aunt Jody had agreed to take them in. He still sat with her though, day after day. Night after night. Gabriel wheeled him around the hospital while Anna stayed with Michael for the most part.  _

_ Eventually, the doctors came to Aunt Jody and his brothers to confirm their worst fears. Their mother had suffered a severe brain hemorrhage and was officially brain dead. Next thing they knew they had to talk to the hospital staff and Aunt Jody was signing forms to let them harvest her for organ donation.  _

_ Gabriel had fought tooth and nail to try and convince everybody that their mom could still survive. That she could miraculously wake up someday, and that by doing this that they were killing her. Castiel had to hold his brother tightly as he sobbed into his shoulder while Michael made the decision to let Jody sign for them. _

_ Gabriel still hadn’t quite forgiven Michael for it. _

_ At his parent's funeral, only immediate family and Anna’s family was allowed. Anna had stood between him and Michael, gripping their hands tightly as his parents were lowered into the ground. Castiel didn’t cry, he was in too much shock. _

_ Aunt Jody had agreed to take them in as legal guardian. She and Alfie moved into their old house after the funeral so that they wouldn’t have to leave. She did her best to make sure everybody didn’t sleep the whole day, tried to make sure there was always something to eat despite being unable to cook and helped make sure that they were taking medicine and drove them from the hospital. _

_ Michael was on crutches and had to stay home from school for a month to recover from his injuries. The hospital hadn’t wanted him to leave because of the concussion but he didn’t want to stay in the hospital where his mom had died. _

_ Castiel had been okay to walk after a week as long as he took it slowly. He wore his dad’s long coat to cover up the bruises and disguise the thick bandaging on his abdomen. Gabriel made sure to stick tightly to Castiel in case he got tired or opened up his stitching. Teachers looked the other way when Gabe was in a class he wasn’t supposed to be in. _

_ The way Castiel discovered the roadhouse was when he was walking around after school. His doctor had suggested walking instead of doing any hard physical activity as a way to build up his strength. Castiel had pushed it too much though and found himself gasping in pain from his crack ribs near a rundown bar. He sat down in front of the roadhouse to catch his breath, gripping his pencil wound, hoping he hadn’t accidentally ripped his stitches. _

_ Ellen had come out to hang up a new flyer for the bar when she saw him.  _

_ “You okay boy?” She asked, not unkindly.  _

_ “I am fine thank you,” Castiel had lied.  _

_ Ellen saw through his bullshit right away and led him inside. She sat him down at a table and left, returning with an ice pack and a milkshake. “Now you sit here as long as you need to boy,” Ellen had ordered. Castiel gratefully sipped the shake and held the icepack to his aching ribs. When he left Ellen told him to come back every day, and he did. _

-+-

Dean listened to Castiel attentively as he told the story. Castiel wasn’t sure why he included the part about Ellen, other than some part of him wanted to give full background. When Castiel finished his story Dean sat in silence for a bit before opening his mouth.

“Wait, how have I never seen the scar?”

Castiel smiled faintly and pulled up his shirt and showed him the tiny dot where the pencil had gone in, “I keep my shirt on most of the time, even then it’s barely noticeable.”   
Dean nodded, gently pulling Castiel’s shirt down to cover him. He pulled Castiel close, wrapping him in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry you had to see your parents die.”

“It’s okay,” Castiel lied. “Honestly, Gabe beats himself up the most. He thinks it is his fault because his arguing with Michael distracted dad.” They pulled out of the hug. 

“That’s stupid,” Dean scoffed.

“I know,” Castiel assured him.

“Sammy thinks it’s his fault dad left,” Dean said unexpectedly. At Castiel’s confusion, he continued, “they used to bicker a lot about stupid things. The kid doesn’t understand that mom dying just kinda broke him.”

Castiel slid his hand into his hand, Dean squeezed it back reassuringly. “I’m sorry Dean.”   
Dean laughed, “aren’t I supposed to be listening to you? Making you feel better.”

Castiel just leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder, “you don’t even need to try. I feel better just being around you.”

Dean didn’t reply out loud to that, just pulled away and stood up, clapping his hands together. “Alright Cas, time for some baking lessons. You ready?”

Smiling, Castiel nodded and followed him to the counter.


	14. Chapter 14

A week after, everything had gone back to normal somewhat. Castiel was hanging out with Anna again at school, as close as ever. It felt good to not have romantic feelings for her and lifted the awkwardness. There was still awkwardness, but that was all Castiel.

Castiel sat with Anna at lunch one day, which made Dean get really touchy and avoid him all day. That night at dinner he got a text from Dean. 

**Dean**

_(5:48 pm) If you’re going to hang out with Milton, can you at least not do it in public?_

Under the table he read it over and over, wondering if it could mean that Dean was the teensiest bit jealous. Castiel immediately discarded that though, he was probably really just worried about how it looked to Bella?

“What do you keep looking at?” Alfie asked.

He put his phone down, facedown. “Nothing.”

Gabe turned to Jody and said, “I bet it was a text from Dean.”

Aunt Jody grabbed a slice of pizza from the take out box, “I like Dean a lot.”

“You do?” Castiel said in surprise.

Jody nodded. “He’s a good kid. He’s really taken with you, Castiel.”

“Taken with me?” Castiel repeated.

Gabriel snorted, “Polly want a cracker?”

Everybody ignored him. Alfie turned to Aunt Jody, “What does that mean? Taken by him?”

“It means he’s charmed by him,” Jody explained. “He’s smitten.”

“Well, what’s smitten?”

Jody chuckled and gestured towards Alfie, “I’ll tell you if you eat some salad with your grease.” Alfie obediently took a bite of his lettuce. Jody smiled, “It means he likes her.”

“He definitely likes her,” Alfie agreed, his mouth full. “He . . . he looks at you a lot, Castiel. When you’re not paying attention. He looks at you, to see if you’re having a good time. And he always looks happy even when you are just sitting there ignoring him while you work.”

“He does?” Castiel’s chest felt warm and glowy, and he repressed a smile.

“I’m just happy to see you so happy. I was worried about you taking on so many responsibilities at school and focusing all of your time on classwork. And after your freshman year…” Jody trailed off. “I didn’t want you to miss out on your high school experience. ” She reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “To see you now, going out and doing things and making new friends . . . I’m just, so happy and proud.” Jody gave him a wide smile and took a bite of her pizza.

Castiel felt a lump grow in his throat. If only it wasn’t all a lie. He didn’t notice Gabriel watching him pensively as he ducked his head and stared back down at the text.

“Don’t cry, mom,” Alfie ordered, and Jody nodded and pulled him into her arms for a hug.

“Can you do me a favor, Alfie?” she said.

“What?”

“Can you stay this age forever?”

Automatically Alfie replied, “I can if you give me a new Xbox.”

Aunt Jody roared with laughter, Alfie and Gabe joined in. Castiel just smiled and took a bite of his pizza, mulling over what aunt Jody said.

-+-

The next night, Castiel and Dean were at the Roadhouse to study for a few hours. Well, Castiel studied, and Dean kept trying to distract him by asking about Michael and being nosy about what Castiel was learning instead of doing his own work. 

On the way home he asked, “Did you sign up for the ski trip?”

“No,” Castiel said guiltily. He knew it was a part of his contract, but he had honestly thought that Dean was going to break up with him by now and hadn’t thought about it. Besides, only cool people like Dean and his friends went on the ski trip. 

Dean pouted, “why not?”

“Not a good skier,” Castiel lied.

“You don’t have to ski. You can snowboard. That’s what I’m doing.”

Castiel gave him a look. “Can you picture me snowboarding?”

“I’ll teach you. Come on, it’ll be fun.” Dean grabbed my hand and said, “Please please please, Cas? Come on, be a sport. It’ll be fun, I promise.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow, “The ski trip isn’t until winter break.”

“Yeah?” Dean said in confusion.

“So you want to keep this, us, up until then.” 

Dean’s easy smile lowered a bit, “even if we aren’t still together by then we can hang out at friends.” Castiel felt relieved at Dean’s reassurance that he wanted to remain friends. He still was doubtful over the whole trip though.

Dean saw the skepticism on his face. “If you don’t want to snowboard,” he continued, “the lodge has a big stone fireplace and big comfy chairs. You can sit and read for hours. And they sell the best hot chocolate. I’ll buy you one.” He squeezed Castiel’s hand excitedly.

Castiel’s heart skipped a beat and he frantically fought down the blush he felt rising to his cheeks. “All right,” Castiel said finally, “I’ll go. But the hot chocolate had better be as good as you say.”

“I’ll buy you as many as you want.”

“Then you better bring a lot of singles,” Castiel said. Dean snorted. “What?”

“Nothing.”

When they got to his house, he climbed out and Dean drove away before it occurred to Castiel that he left his bag on the floor of his car, and Aunt Jody and Alfie aren’t home. They were at Alfie’s school for parent-teacher conferences. Gabe was off wherever he kept disappearing to at nights, so that meant Castiel was locked out.

He fumbled around blindly under the deck, feeling around in the dark for the spare keys they kept hidden under the flowerpot. Then he remembered that the spare keys were in the junk drawer, in the house, because Gabe forgot to put them back the last time he got locked out. Castiel had no keys, no phone, no way of getting into the house.

Then he remembered that Anna had a spare key. Jody gave it to her when she moved in, in case one of the other idiots got locked out like Castiel was. 

He found a rock in the driveway and crossed the lawn and stood underneath Anna's window. He threw the rock at the window and missed it. He found another one, and it pinged off the glass, barely making a sound. He tried again, with a bigger rock. This one hit.

Anna opened the window and leaned her head out. “Hey. Did Winchester leave already?”

Castiel nodded, embarrassed that she knew exactly where he was despite her constant nagging that it wasn’t healthy. “Yeah. I left my bag in his car. Can you throw down the spare keys?”

Anna sighed like he was asking for something huge. “Hold on.” Then she disappeared.

Castiel stood there and waited for her to come back to the window, but she didn't. She came outside the front door instead. She’s wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. It’s Michael’s favorite hoodie. When they first got together, she used to wear it all the time, like it was a letterman’s jacket or something. Castiel didn’t know that Anna never gave it back.

Castiel raised an eyebrow, “really Anna.”

Anna blushed, “you can hardly judge me. You’re fake dating and for real sleeping with the guy you are in love with.” Castiel shrugged, she had a point.

He held his hand out for the keys and Anna dropped them in his hand. “Thanks, Anna.”

He turned to leave, but Anna stopped him. “Wait. I’m worried about you.”

“What? Why?” Castiel raised an eyebrow in confusion.

She sighed heavily. “This thing with Winchester… You’ve already been through so much and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Not that again. Anna—”

“He’s a player. He’s in love with Bella. You know that no matter what he’s said, he will go back to her. He always does.”

Castiel knew she was right, but he couldn’t stop himself if he tried. Just being around Dean, being with Dean even in a fake way filled a hole in him that he hadn’t noticed. He was more relaxed around Dean, happier, felt more himself than he had in years. And when he and Dean were alone together, naked… Castiel shook the thought away.

“I can’t stop,” is all he could get out. Anna frowned sympathetically, wrapping him in her arms. 

“I’m just looking out for you.” Anna cleared her throat. “You’re like my little brother.”

He wanted to hit her for saying that. “I’m literally a couple of months younger than you.” Anna laughed and they pulled away.

Then, headlights were beaming down the street. It was Dean’s car. He’d come back. Castiel handed Anna her set of keys and ran over to his driveway. Over his shoulder, he called out, “Thanks, Anna!”

Castiel came around the front to the driver’s side. Dean’s window was down. “You forgot your bag,” he says, glancing over toward Anna’s house.

“I know,” Castiel smiled. “Thanks for coming back.”

“Is she out there?”

“I don’t know. She was a minute ago.”

“Then just in case,” Dean said, and he leaned his head out and kissed Castiel on the lips, open-mouthed and sure.

Castiel was stunned.

When Dean pulls away, he’s smiling. “Night, Angel.”

He drives off into the night and Castiel is still standing there with his fingers to his lips. Dean Winchester just kissed him, in front of Anna. He had kissed him with no prelude to sex, just for Anna to see. Castiel didn’t know what to think, so he just stared where Dean’s impala had disappeared, mystified.

-+-

The next morning he was at his locker, putting his books away when he saw Dean walking down the hallway. Castiel’s heart thumped in his chest so loud he could hear it echo in his ears. Castiel ducked his head into his locker and started arranging his books into a pile.

From behind the locker door, Dean speaks up, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Castiel said back.

“Sorry bout jumping you without asking last night,” Dean blushed and scratched his head awkwardly, “it was just because Anna was watching. I wanted to help you make her jealous.” 

Castiel ignored the sinking feeling in his stomach, he had forgotten he hadn’t told Dean yet about his making up with Anna. 

“I know,” Castiel reassured him.

“Good,” Dean smiled. He took Castiel’s hand, and he closed my locker door. “Calculus first period right?” Dean began walking him to class.

“Yes.”

“Which doesn’t start for twenty minutes,” Dean mused. Castiel looked up at Dean’s wide-eyed innocent expression. 

“I’m going to regret asking why aren’t I?”

Dean gave him a wicked smiled and leaned over to whisper into Castiel’s ear, “I don’t suppose I could convince you to stop in the men's room downstairs? It has a lock.”

Castiel felt his cheeks turn bright red and Dean looked far too pleased with himself. Castiel wanted to chastise Dean for suggesting they hook up in the school bathroom, but god help him, Castiel wanted to as well.

So instead, Castiel took on an air of nonchalance, “will it get me out of the ski trip?” He asked.

“Not a chance,” Dean grinned. Castiel sighed. He looked up at Dean and resisted the urge to pull him down for a kiss and start out right there in the hallway.

“Fine,” Castiel pretended to be annoyed, “but try and keep up.” He began to hurriedly walk towards the stair, smiling to himself in amusement as Dean nearly tripped over himself in the hurry to follow him. He wondered if he could get Dean to come in under the twenty minutes he had.

They were both ten minutes late to class.

-+-

Jody was thrilled when Castiel asked her to sign the permission slip. “Oh, Castiel, this is great. Did Dean convince you? You’ve been scared of skiing ever since you were ten and you did the splits and you couldn’t get back up!”

“Yeah, I remember.” Castiel’s boots froze onto the skis, and he laid there in the splits for what felt like days.

Jody signed the paper, “Hey, maybe we can all of us go to Wintergreen over Christmas. Dean too. I’m due to take some time off of work.” Jody handed her the slip, “you can wear Michael’s ski pants. His gloves, too. Gabriel is going but he wouldn’t fit. I think he has his own stuff anyways”

Castiel didn’t tell her that he wouldn’t need them, because he’d be cozy in the lodge working on his new novel and sipping hot cocoa by the fire. He had recently had the inspiration for a romance novel based on a fake relationship. He wasn’t sure where the inspiration came from though.

When he talked to Michael on the phone that night, he told him he was going on the ski trip. 

Michael was surprised. “But you hate skiing.”

“I’m going to try out snowboarding.”

“Just . . . be careful,” he said.

Castiel was thinking he meant on the slopes, but when Jo and Charlie came over the next night to hang out, he learned otherwise. “You know everybody hooks up on the ski trip, right? It’s like a school-sanctioned booty call.”

“Yeah?” Castiel raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t as naive as everybody seemed to think he was.

“That’s where I lost my V freshman year,” Charlie said. She looked pleased with herself. “It was Ruby, damn is that girl good in bed.”

“I thought you lost it in the woods near your house.” Jo looked at her in confusion.

“Oh yeah. Whatever, the point is, I had sex on the ski trip.”

“Chaperones go to sleep early because they’re old,” Jo added. “People just sneak out. Plus there’s a hot tub. Did you know that there’s a hot tub?”

“No... Dean never mentioned that.” Despite hooking up in a locked bathroom at school, Castiel wasn’t sure if he was ready for Dean to suggest them getting together in the hot tub. Castiel just decided not to bring a swimsuit, It’s not like they can make you go in a hot tub if you don’t want to.

“The year I went, people were skinny-dipping,” Charlie said dreamily. She laughed at Castiel’s surprised expression. “The girls just took their tops off. Just be prepared.”

“Last year I heard Mr. Walker got in the hot tub with students and it was weird.”

“This sounds like the Wild West,” Castiel muttered. He had heard rumors that the ski trip was kind of wild, but the girls were making it sound crazy.

“More like Girls Gone Wild.”

“Any chance you guys want to come with me?” Castiel implored. He wanted at least one person other than Dean with him, just so he could trust that the smart would outweigh the stupid in the room.

Jo shook her head. “You know better than that. I don’t do school trips.”

“Please,” Castiel begged, “I need at least one sane person there with me.”

“Are you worried about Dean taking advantage of you?” Jo asked in confusion, “cause you know he’s actually a pretty good dude. If you said no he would stop immediately and just sit with you and hang out.”

“I’m not worried about having sex,” Castiel waved him off, “it’s nothing I haven’t done before. I’m worried about dealing with all the other psychopathic high schoolers.” He realized his mistake immediately when Charlie and Jo stared at him and gleeful surprise.

“You and Dean fucked?” Charlie whispered. Castiel felt his cheeks heat up and he ducked his head.

“Oh my god when?” Jo asked.

“Wait I know,” Charlie grinned, “the party right? You two disappeared so early everybody was talking about it.” 

“I-” Castiel tried to say.

“That was a month ago though!” Jo interrupted, “you’ve been keeping this a secret for a month?”

“Well it was probably for his own safety, you should have seen how pissed off Bella was when they disappeared. She looked ready to murder you for stealing him.”

“I didn’t steal him.” Castiel protested, “they were already broken up!”

Jo snorts. “Sure, keep telling that to yourself. Bella’s going on the ski trip, you know. She’s class president, so she’s basically organizing it. So just beware. Don’t ever ski alone.”

“That reminds me,” Charlie added before Jo could start harassing him, ”I’m definitely going on the ski trip.” 

Jo gave her a weird look, “you’re going?”

“Well yeah,” she shrugged, “I heard Kali is going and that girl is _bendy_. I think I saw stars when we hooked up at the party.” 

Jo frowned, “I thought you said it was a one night stand.”

“Well, you never know,” Charlie shrugged. She flashed a look at Jo that the other girl didn’t notice. It was gone before Castiel could understand it. “It’s not exactly like there is anybody else who could be interested in me, may as well try with the girl who is giving me the time of day.”

Jo frowned, “well now I am definitely going on the trip. You two will be so horny that leaving yourselves to your own devices would probably be considered a war crime.”

Castiel repressed a smile, “are you really gonna go?”

Jo sighed in defeat, giving Charlie an unreadable look, “yeah. I guess I am.”

-+-

At six-thirty in the morning the day of the ski trip, Jody dropped Castiel and Gabe off at school. It wasn't even light out yet. Gabriel was half asleep, blinking at the rising sun.

Before they hopped out of the car, Jody pulled a hat out of her coat pocket. It was made of light light blue yarn with a pom-pom on top. She fit it on Castiel's head so that it covered his ears. “I found this in the hall closet. I think it was one of your dad’s. He was such a great skier.”

“I know. I remember.” Aunt Jody then reached down and pulled out two large manilla envelopes. Gabriel took his with a shrug and Castiel hesitantly grabbed the other one. 

Gabe opened his and started laughing. “Jody, I don’t think Cassie is gonna need these.” Castiel looked down into his own and felt his face burn up. Inside were at least four dozen condoms, neatly rolled up, and a bottle of lube.

“I know that you kids are having sex and I don’t want any STDs or unexpected teenage moms.” Jody didn’t even bat an eyelash, she had zero embarrassment or shame over the topic. “Now do I need to teach you how to use those or are you good.”

"Oh, I am so out of here,” Castiel mumbled as he opened the door to leave. Gabe was now laughing his head off.

“Use protection!” Jody ordered as he grabbed their bags from the trunk.

“We have plenty,” Gabe laughed cheerfully, “don’t worry.”

“And, promise me you’ll go out on the slopes at least once,” Jody added.

“I promise,” Castiel lied. Gabe rolled his eyes, seeing right through him.

“I’m so glad you’re doing this. It’s good for you to try new things.” Aunt Jody gave them both a warm smile. Castiel smiled weakly. If she only knew. Castiel spotted Dean and his friends messing around outside by the charter bus.

“Thanks for the ride, Aunt Jody. See you tomorrow night.” Castiel gave her a peck on the cheek and shouldered his duffel bag. Gabe followed suit.

“Zip up your coat,” she called out as they walked away. Gabe ignored her but Castiel zipped up his coat and watched her car drive off. 

Across the parking lot, Dean was standing with Sam talking to Bella. He said something that made her laugh. He looked up as Castiel approached and gave him a wide smile and greeting wave. Bella walks gave him a sour look then walked away, staring down at her clipboard.

“Hey Angel,” Dean kissed Castiel's cheek when they got there. 

“Hello Dean,” Castiel was used to the stupid nickname by now so didn’t bother correcting him. “Hello Sam,” he smiled at Dean’s brother.

“Hey Castiel,” Sam smiled before looking back down at his phone.

“Hey Sasquatch,” Gabe smirked at Sam. 

Sam looked up and rolled his eyes at the shorter man, “everyone is a sasquatch to you dwarf.” The words were teasing but were filled with only fond amusement. Castiel raised an eyebrow at Dean who just shrugged, not knowing when that development happened either.

“Yeah, but you got the shaggy hair like a sasquatch.”

“Your argument is stupid.”

“Your face is stupid.” The two of them started bickering and Dean gestured for them to walk away and leave their brothers to it.

“I’m surprised Sam wanted to come,” Castiel raised an eyebrow at Dean.

“Yeah, kid’s sixteen now so he convinced Bobby he was okay to go. Apparently he lost a bet to Gabe so now he has to go.”

Castiel shivered as a cold breeze blew through, “since when are they friends?”

“Beats me,” Dean shrugged. He reached up to bop the pompom on top of his head, "nice hat."

Castiel looked up at his head and shrugged. "It belonged to my dad."

"Well it looks cozy."

Castiel shivered again “It’s freezing.” He felt his teeth begin chattering.

Dean pulled Castiel in front of him and put his arms around him. “I’ll keep you warm.” Castiel looked up at him and rolled his eyes at his cheesiness, but Dean’s attention was somewhere else. He was watching Bella. Castiel felt a familiar pit of jealousy in his stomach. Dean snuggled against his neck, but Castiel squirmed away from him. 

“What’s with you?” Dean asked in hurt confusion.

“Nothing,” Castiel lied. He looked over to where Ms. Moseley and Mr. Turner were looking through kids’ bags—Ms. Moseley was doing the girls and Mr. Turner was doing the boys. "What are they looking for?” Castiel asked Dean.

“Alcohol.”

Castiel whipped out my phone to text into his group chat with Jo and Charlie.

**Castiel**

_(6:33 am) Don’t bring alcohol! They are checking!_

No response.

**Castiel**

_(6:35 am) Are you awake??_

_(6:36 am) Wake up!_

Then, Charlie’s SUV pulled into the parking lot with Jo half asleep in the passenger's seat. They both looked like they just woke up.

Castiel sagged in relief, now he could sit with Jo while Charlie sat with Kali. Dean could talk to Bella all he wanted and Castiel had an excuse not to watch..

Dean raised an eyebrow, “you convinced Jo to come.”

Castiel ignored him and waved them over.

Bella’s standing by the bus with her clipboard when she spots Jo too. She had a big frown on her face. She marched right up to Jo and said, “You didn’t sign up.” Castiel ran over to them and hovered next to Charlie and Jo. 

Charlie raised an eyebrow, “In the announcements last week they said there were still spots left.”

“Yeah, that you had to sign up for.” Bella shook her head. “I’m sorry, but Joanna can’t come if she didn’t sign up or give a deposit.”

Castiel and Charlie winced simultaneously. Jo hated being called “Joanna.” She always had. She started going by Jo as soon as she possibly could, and the only person who was still allowed to call her that was her mother Jo’s face darkened.

Dean shows up beside Castiel before Jo could commit murder. “What’s going on?” he asked.

Bella folded her arms, “Joanna didn’t sign up for the ski trip, so I’m sorry, but she can’t come.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Bel, just let her come. Who gives a shit if she didn’t sign up?”

Her cheeks flushed with anger. “I didn’t make the rules, Dean! Should she just get to come for free? How is that fair to everybody else?”

Jo finally spoke. “Oh, I already talked to Moseley and she said it was cool.” Jo made a kissy face at Bella. “Too bad, Bel.”

“Fine, whatever, I don’t care.” Bella turned on her heel and spun off in Ms. Moseley’s direction.

Jo watched her go, grinning. Charlie tugged on her coat sleeve. “Why didn’t you say so from the beginning?” Charlie whispered in a tone low enough for just the four of them to hear.

“Obviously because it was more fun that way.” She slung her arm around Castiel’s shoulder. “It’s going to be an interesting weekend, Novak.”

Worried, Castiel whispered, “You didn’t bring any alcohol, did you? They’re checking bags.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m covered.” When he gave her a dubious look, she whispered back, “Shampoo bottle filled with tequila at the bottom of my bag.”

“I hope you washed it out really well! You could get sick!” Charlier scolded her. Meanwhile, Castiel was envisioning Jo trying to take shots of bubbly tequila and then burping out bubbles.

Jo ruffled her hair. “Oh, Bradbury.”

The chaperones called for them to hop on the bus. They filed on and Dean slid into a seat in the middle. Castiel continued to shuffle forward.

“Hey,” he said, surprised. “You’re not going to sit with me?”

“I’m sitting with Jo.” Castiel tried to keep walking down the aisle, but Dean grabbed his arm.

“Cas! Are you kidding me? You have to sit with me.” He looked around to see if anybody’s listening. “You’re my boyfriend.”

Castiel shook him off, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach at Dean’s words. “We’re breaking up soon, aren’t we? We might as well make it look more realistic.” Castiel looked away, ignoring the stricken look on Dean’s face.

“When he slid into the seat next to her, Jo was shaking her head at him. So was Charlie in the seat on the other side of the aisle.

“What?” Castiel said defensively.

“It’s too early for this,” Jo grumbled. Castiel reached into his bag and pulled out a large thing of goldfish. Jo and Charlie grinned and reached in. “The snack that smiles back, unlike Castiel.” Castiel smiled at that joke to prove the point wrong. Charlie and Jo laughed at that and his smile became more real.

He stopped smiling when he saw Bella get on the bus and sit down in the seat next to Dean.

“You did that,” Charlie reminded him.

“You came on this trip for me, the least I can do is sit with you.” It wasn’t true, not really. The truth was that he was tired. Tired of the in-betweenness of being somebody’s boyfriend but not really. Of having feelings for a person using him to make his ex-girlfriend jealous.

Jo stretched out with a small yawn, “I know you’re all about hoes before bros, but if I were you, I’d be careful. Bella’s a barracuda.”

Castiel stuffed a goldfish into his mouth and chewed. It was hard to swallow. He watched Bella whisper something in Dean’s ear, and Jo fell asleep right away with her head on his shoulder. 

Castiel pulled out his pad of paper and began his work on the story, ignoring Charlie’s sympathetic stare.

-+-

The lodge was exactly the way Dean described—there was a big fireplace and bearskin rugs and lots of little nooks. It was snowing outside, tiny little whisper flakes. Jo was in good spirits—halfway through the bus ride she woke up and started playing gin with Charlie. They made plans to go out on the black diamond slopes. 

Castiel ended up in a double room with Victor, he hadn’t even noticed that they were supposed to sign up for roommates so he was grateful that Dean’s friend had scooped him. Victor just said that he was probably gonna be out in another girl’s room all night so he just needed to lie if chaperones stopped by. Castiel shrugged and agreed.

Jo went off to snowboard with Charlie. She invited him to come along, but Castiel said no thanks. Castiel was still slightly traumatized from his last experience skiing with Michael.

Castiel knew that if Dean was to invite him to go snowboarding, he would probably go. But he doesn’t, and Castiel was hungry anyway, so he went to the lodge to eat lunch. Ms. Moseley was there looking at her cell phone and eating a bowl of soup.

Ms. Moseley wasn’t married but she had a granddaughter in middle school. She was constantly talking about how proud she was of her little girl. She was also the kind of teacher who seemed to know everything, even things that hadn’t happened yet.

When she spotted Castiel sitting alone, eating a sandwich by the fireplace, she waved him over. He carried his plate to her table and sat down across from her. He would prefer to eat alone and work on his novel, but Ms. Moseley was a sweet old lady so he felt it was rude to ignore her. 

He tried to talk to her, “Do you have to stay here in the lodge all weekend, or can you go ski too?”

“I’m officially home base,” she says, wiping the corners of her mouth. “Mr. Turner’s on slope duty. Besides, I’m much too old to get myself hurt doing something silly like skiing” She took a bite of soup. “What about you, Castiel? Are you avoiding your very sweet boyfriend?”

“No,” Castiel lied.

Ms. Moseley gave him a stern look that told him she saw right through his bullshit. “Well, then why aren’t you out on the slopes with everybody else?”

“I’m not the best skier,” Castiel said, feeling embarrassed.

“Oh, really? I hear Winchester is a very good snowboarder. You should get him to teach you.” She raised an eyebrow in challenge.

Castiel had a quick flash of Bella and Dean on the bus with their heads close together, and the picture made his heart squeeze. He looked down at his hands, trying to think of what to say to that. 

Ms. Moseley’s face turned into a sympathetic smile, she reached out to cover his hand with her own. “Honey, sometimes if you want something you have to take a chance. That boy isn’t going to be there forever.”

“What should I do?” Castiel asked. He wasn’t sure how she knew, but then again she did seem to know everything. 

“Go skiing,” Ms. Moseley smiled warmly.

“You know what?” Castiel was momentarily filled with courage. “I think I will. Castiel walked away from her proud smile to put on his ski gear. 

Castiel was soon at the slopes, all geared up. As he tried to click into my skis, a group of girls from school walked by in cute yoga-ish ski pants. He didn’t even know those existed.

Castiel tried not to let it damage his ego that all the other kids were on the black diamond slopes and he was on the green circle, aka

the bunny slope. He pizza wedged down the whole way, and little kids kept zooming by him, which made him lose his concentration because he was terrified they were going to run into him. Castiel was really more of a runner. 

The little kids whooshed back and forth like Olympic skiers. Some of them weren’t even using poles. They were like Alfie. He could go down black diamond slopes. He and Michael loved it.

Gabriel too, though he preferred snowboarding to skiing.

Castiel kept his eyes peeled for Dean but he hadn’t seen him yet, and it was starting to feel a bit bleak out there all alone.

He just started considering giving the intermediate slope a try, just for kicks, when he spotted Dean and all his friends carrying their snowboards. No Bella in sight. “Dean!” Castiel called out, feeling very relieved.

Dean turned his head and Castiel could have sworn Dean saw him, but he kept walking. Castiel stared at him in confusion.

Dean saw him, Castiel knew that he saw him. So why did he ignore him?


	15. Chapter 15

After dinner, Jo went back to the slopes to snowboard. She said she was surprisingly addicted to the rush. Castiel was heading back to the room when he ran into Peter again, this time in swimming trunks and a hoodie. He was with Victor and Benny. They had towels around their necks.

“Hey, Castiel,” Benny drawled in his creole accent. “Where you disappear to all day?”

“I’ve been around.” Castiel’s eyes flicked over to look at Dean, but he wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I saw you guys on the slopes.”

Victor raised an eyebrow. “Then why didn’t you holler at us? I wanted to show off my ollies for you.”

Castiel shrugged. “Well, I called Dean's name, but I guess he didn’t hear me.”

Dean finally looked Castiel in the eyes. “Nope. I didn’t hear you.” His voice was cold and indifferent and so un-Dean like, the smile faded from Castiel’s face.

Castiel was never one to beat around the bush when it came to conflict. “I’m sorry, did I do something to piss you off?”

Dean froze and looked at him with a blank expression, but anybody that knew Dean could see the anger underneath it. Victor and Benny exchanged uncomfortable looks. 

“I gotta go, brother, Andrea is waiting for me by the hot tub.” Benny began to back away.

“Yeah, and I gotta go be not here so I’m going with him.” Victor began to follow after him.

That left Castiel and Dean standing in the lobby, neither of them saying anything. Neither of them broke eye contact. Castiel finally spoke first.

“I know you saw me on the slopes and I know you heard me.”

“Oh really,” Dean scoffed, “must be true because Castiel knows everything right?”

“Are you mad at me or something?” Castiel asked again.

“Why would I be mad?” Then it was back to quiet again. The staring contest resumed.

“You know, you’re the one who talked me into coming on this trip,” Castiel reminded him. “The least you could do is talk to me.”

“The least you could do was sit next to me on the bus!” he bursts out.

Castiel stared in him in bewilderment. “Are you really that mad that I didn’t sit next to you on the bus?”

Dean let out an impatient breath of air. “Castiel, when you’re dating someone, there are just . . . certain things you do, okay? Like, sitting next to each other on a school trip. That’s pretty much expected.”

“I just don’t see what the big deal is,” Castiel said. How could Dean be this mad over such a tiny thing? “We both know the person you really wanted to sit next to Bella.”

“Forget it.” Dean turned like he was going to leave. Castiel reached out to grab his sweatshirt sleeve. He didn’t want to be in a fight with him. Castiel just wanted it to be easy the way it always was with Dean. He wanted him to at least still be his friend. Especially now that they were at the end of their fake dating. Dean and Bella were probably getting back together tomorrow anyways. 

“Come on, don’t be mad,” Castiel pleaded gently, “I didn’t realize it was that big of a deal. I swear I’ll sit next to you on the way home, okay?” He looked up at Dean through his lashes and reached out to grab his hand. He hoped that showing himself being romantic in front of people would help Dean forgive him.

Dean pursed his lips, the ice thawing. “But do you get why I was pissed?”

Castiel nodded back. “Mm-hmm.” Dean was pissed because of the same reason as always, he didn’t get to make Bella jealous.

“All right then, you should know that you missed out on mocha bacon donuts and gummy bears.”

Castiel’s mouth fell open. “How’d you get those? I thought the shop didn’t open that early!” A week into their relationship Castiel and Dean had been on a run and ran by an old fashioned donut shop and bakery. They had stopped there for Dean’s never-ending cravings. They had gotten the donuts as a joke but they were the best thing on the planet, right under Dean’s apple pie.

“I went out and got them last night specifically for the bus ride,” Dean smiled at Castiel’s enthusiasm. “For you and me.”

Castiel felt his heart flutter again at that. He swallowed the butterflies. “Well, are there any left?”

“Nope. I ate them all.”

Dean looked so smug that Castiel reached out and playfully punched Dean’s shoulder. “You ass,” he said, but they both knew Castiel meant it affectionately.

Dean grabbed his hand mid-swat and played with Castiel’s knuckles. “Hey, Cas?” His voice took on a nervous tone, it was more serious than Castiel was used to.

“What?” Castiel looked at him quizzically.

“I-” Dean opened his mouth to respond. 

“Hey, Dean!” A voice interrupted. They both looked up in surprise to see Sam and Gabe running over, faces flushed and red from the cold and covered in snow.

“Dean, I did the black diamond!” Sam said excitedly. “I beat Gabe!”

Gabe looked annoyed as he held his skis. “You got lucky sasquatch.”

“I thought you preferred snowboarding?” Castiel asked. Gabe shot him a look that told him to shut up.

“You said skiing was your favorite,” Sam accused him.

“Well,” Gabe said reluctantly, “skiing is my favorite form of skiing.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Sam frowned, “snowboarding. You versus me. One time race down the hill.” 

“Deal,” Gabe grinned. The two of them ran off.

Castiel looked back up at Dean and they stared at each other processing what just happened, simultaneously bursting into laughter.

“My god, our brothers are friends.”

“Gabe was nice enough to let another human being choose what they did for fun instead of doing what they want, that’s the real Christmas miracle.” Dean and Castiel continued to laugh until Dean’s buddy Victor came back.

“You guys done fighting?” He teased.

“Yeah,” Dean smiled down at Castiel.

“Well great, cause Bella was asking for you.” Castiel felt his heart drop in his chest at the reminder. The reminder that what Dean and he had was fake. Castiel ducked his head and he pulled his hand away from Dean.

“Well, you better go say hi,” Castiel backed away from him. 

“Cas-” Dean started. He had the same look on his face as he had on the bus.

“I gotta go see Jo anyways.” Castiel lied as he waved him off. Then he whispered in a voice low enough for Dean to hear him, “go get her.” He turned around and walked away, fighting back the tears in his eyes and swallowing the pain in his heart.

When he turned the corner he bumped into Charlie who was walking with Kali who looked unamused with her antics. She looked at Castiel in pleasant surprise.

“Castiel!” She shouted cheerfully. Castiel wasn’t quick enough to hide the expression he knew was on his face. “Castiel?” Charlie’s tone asked him if he was okay. He just shook his head no. 

“Alright Kali, looks like I got to go.” Charlie walked over to Castiel and looped her arm through his, “my friend needs me.”

Kali rolled her eyes and walked away. “Whatever.”

Charlie turned to Castiel, “your room?” He nodded.

-+-

A couple of minutes later, Charlie and Castiel were sitting on his bed in his room. Charlie had stopped to get them hot chocolate and some gummy bears from the lodge’s convenience store. He managed to get through half his bag of gummy bears before Charlie’s patience ran out.

“Okay, spill.” Castiel sighed and put down the bag. He told her the whole story of his fake relationship and how it had started. Charlie, to her credit, managed to keep her thoughts to herself and not interrupt throughout. At the end of his story though, she started laughing.

“Oh my god Castiel,” she chortled, “the first rule of buddy fucking is that no feelings can be involved.”

“I didn’t know I liked him until after we hooked up,” Castiel said defensively. “Loved him,” he corrected himself. 

Charlie continued laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for laughing. It’s just…” Charlie doubled over cackling, “you think that you are this poor creature in love with a guy that will never like you back. Meanwhile, you keep rejecting Dean every chance you get.”

“Sorry?” Castiel asked, affronted.

“The poor guy. He stares at you like you’re the stars and you think he barely even considers you a friend.”

“Wh-what? I never. That’s-” Castiel sputtered, flustered.

“Look,” Charlie managed to get herself to stop laughing. “I don’t care about the origin story about it all. I’m just saying that’s the way he looks at you.”

Castiel waved her off, “it doesn’t matter though. He’s still completely in love with Bella.”

“They were together a long time,” Charlie reminded him, “it’s normal to still be weird about it. But to me, it seems like he’s over her.” Castiel looked at her doubtfully. Charlie sighed at his facial expression.

“The whole fake relationship was his idea. You are the one who keeps leaving him alone with his ex, and you are the one who keeps trying to break up with him.” Charlie shrugged and took a sip of her hot chocolate, “he’s probably waiting for you in his room like a kicked puppy so that he can talk over the little spat you guys had before you came here with me. At the very least, even if he doesn’t like you that way you two are still probably each other's best friend by now.” 

She was probably right, Castiel looked down at his own cocoa. “Should I go check on him? Just to see if he’s okay?”

Charlie rolled her eyes, “that’s what I’m saying, nitwit. Now, go get your man.”

-+-

Castiel grabbed his coat and walked out of his room to Dean’s. His heart was thudding nervously as he raised his hand. He knocked twice. 

“Hello?” Castiel called out hesitantly. He heard a loud thump and cursing behind the door, then the sound of two people shuffling. He began to regret coming there, Bella was probably there with Dean on the other side of the door. 

As he began to back away, the door swung open to see a very disheveled Sam Winchester. His hair looked like he had stuck his finger in a socket, his shirt was on backward and there was a slowly forming bruise on his neck. Castiel pointedly kept his gaze away from what he assumed was a tent in his pants.

“Er, hello Castiel,” Sam said awkwardly. Castiel looked behind him to see a foot peeking out from under the bed and somebody’s clothes strewn across the floor. The shirt looked vaguely like Gabriel’s. Castiel decided it was a problem for another day.

Instead, he turned to Sam, “I’m assuming that is not your brother under the bed?” Castiel whispered. 

Sam flushed bright red, “please don’t tell Dean. He’ll never stop harassing me for having sex on the ski trip.”

“I won’t tell Dean if you tell me where he is.”

“He’s in the hot tub, said he wanted to be alone for the rest of the night.”

“Thank you Sam.” Castiel nodded. Then he discreetly gestured to the person under the bed, “anybody I know?”

“Er, no?” Sam replied. His eyes were too innocent. Once again, Castiel decided it wasn’t his problem. He nodded and walked away. Sam slammed the door behind him.

As Castiel walked down to the hot tub, he tried to erase the memory of Sam with sex hair out of his mind. He was pretty sure the only thing that would be worse than that would be if he had walked in on Gabriel having sex. He shuddered mentally.

He came upon Dean sitting in the pool, looking pensive. Thankfully he was in his trunks, Castiel was sure if Dean had been completely nude he would not have been able to think straight. The shirtlessness was almost enough to completely distract him.

“Hey,” Castiel said.

Dean looked up in surprise. “Hey.” Castiel geared himself up to apologize again for leaving Dean again to hang out with Bella but Dean interrupted him before he could even start his sentence.

“You wanna hear something funny?” Castiel cocked his head.

“What?”

“I think I like it.”

Castiel went completely still. He has been ready for Dean to say literally anything but that. “Stop teasing.”

“I’m not teasing. Why do you think I kissed you that day at Bella’s house back in seventh grade? It’s why I went along with this thing in the first place. I’ve always thought you were cute.”

Castiel’s face felt hot. “I think you’ve finally gone crazy.”

Dean grinned his perfect grin. “So? I guess I must be crazy for you.”

“But aren’t you still in love with Bella?” Castiel blurted out.

Dean frowned. “Why are you always bringing up Bella? I’m trying to talk about us, and all you want to do is talk about her. Yeah, Bella and I have history. I’m always going to care about her.” He shrugged awkwardly. “But now . . . I like you.” Dean looked up at Castiel. “So what do you say?” 

He was looking at him expectantly, waiting for Castiel to say anything. Castiel wanted to say yes, but he didn’t want to be with a boy whose heart belonged to somebody else. Just once, he wanted to be somebody’s first choice. “You might think you like me, but

you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t still like her.”

“Oh my god,” Dean shook his head and groaned. “What Bella and I had is completely separate from you and me,” he says.

“How can that be true when from the very first minute, this has been about Bella?”

“That’s not fair,” he objected. “When we started this thing, you liked Milton.”

“Not anymore.” Castiel swallowed hard. “But you still love Bella.”

Frustrated, Dean ran his hands through his hair. “God, what makes you such an expert on love? You’ve liked five people in your life. One was a lesbian, one lives in Indiana or Montana or someplace, Meg moved away before anything could actually happen, one was dating your brother. And then there’s me. Hmm, what do we all have in common? What’s the common denominator?”

“That’s it. I don’t have to listen to this.” Castiel grumbled. He turned on his heel and began to walk away. Over his shoulder, he called out, “enjoy the hot tub.”

“Castiel wait,” Dean called out after him. Castiel heard the sound of him moving in the water and standing up. Castiel turned around hesitantly to see Dean’s face full of regret. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it.” Dean was standing in the hot tub, the water rose to his thigh.

Castiel was shaking, thinking over what Dean had confessed. Was it true? Could he be right? Did Castiel only like the boys he could never have? He’d always known Dean was out of his reach. He had always known Dean didn’t belong to him. 

But tonight Dean said he liked Castiel. The best thing he could have possibly been hoping for. So why couldn’t Castiel just _believe_ him? Why couldn’t Castiel tell Dean he loved him like he knew he did. 

He stared at Dean’s handsome, open face. The face that had been in his eye more than it had not for the past couple months. The face that belonged to the first person he felt safe talking to about his parent's death since it had happened. 

Dean had taken the plunge, why couldn’t Castiel? 

Castiel grabbed Dean’s jacked which was laid next to the pool and gestured Dean to get out of the pool. Dean slowly began to make his way towards Castiel, steam was rising out of the water around his Calves. 

Dean was still watching him warily, Castiel’s heart was racing out of control and it’s difficult to look him in the eyes. He’d never been so scared in his life. Soon enough, Dean was stood in front of him. 

"I write romance novels," Castiel blurted out. 

"Uh, what?" It seemed like, just like with Castiel, that was the last thing Dean had expected him to say.

"I write romance novels," Castiel repeated. "I write novels with cheesy storylines and happy endings. There isn't any second guessing about how people feel because it is so painfully obvious. When there are declarations, it is dramatic and big and completely expected."

"What?" Dean was looking at him like he was crazy.

"Misha Collins?" Castiel raised an eyebrow. Recognition flashed across Dean's face but Castiel pressed on to continue. "But that isn't my point."

"Well what _is_ your point?" Dean pressed.

He wrapped Dean’s coat over his shoulders while he spoke. “My point is, you caught me off guard, so I don;t know what to say. But . . . well,” Castiel took a deep breath as he looked up into Dean’s eyes. “I’m in love with you.” 

It came out fumbly and uncertain, and Dean didn’t respond so Castiel tried again, louder. “I’m in love with you, Dean Winchester.”

Dean’s pupils were dilated as he was looking at Castiel. He was staring at him like he’d never seen Castiel before. “Angel…” Dean began hesitantly.

Castiel’s heart was pounding a million beats a minute as he scooted closer to him, bending his neck up and pressing his lips against Dean’s. He felt Dean’s brief jolt of surprise.

And then he was kissing Castiel back, open-mouthed, soft-lipped kissing-him-back, and at first. Castiel nearly sobbed in relief as Dean put his hand on the back of his head to pull him closer. Despite all of their kisses before and the fact that they had already had sex, this felt like the most intimate kiss they had ever had. It was a good thing that Dean had an arm wrapped around his waist because Castiel was weak in the knees.

“Are you okay?” Dean whispered when he felt Castiel slump a little. His voice was different: it was ragged and urgent and vulnerable somehow. He wasn’t smooth or bored or amused. He was completely without his usual walls, and completely vulnerable. The way he was looking at Castiel in that moment, Castiel knew he would do anything he asked, and that was a strange and powerful feeling.

Castiel wound his arms around his neck. “Touch my hair again,” Castiel said against Dean’s lips. He felt the corners of his mouth turn up. Castiel leaned into him again to kiss him better. Castiel moved his hands down his back and along his spine, and Dean shivered and pulled him closer. 

In between kisses, he says, “It’s past curfew. We should go back inside.”

Castiel hums in agreement, “Victor said he would be out all night you know. I got the room to myself.” Dean pulled away and looked Castiel in the eyes. The hunger that was there nearly knocked Castiel off his feet. 

“Lead the way,” Dean’s voice rumbled. Castiel grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is pure smut and almost no plot so I'm gonna post it tomorrow. I apologize in advance for how bad it is.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pure smut y'all

Castiel had a flashback to their first time when Dean slammed the hotel door behind them. The door had barely shut before Dean was frantically trying to get Castiel’s shirt off him. 

“Impatient much?” Castiel teased him.

“I’ve been able to touch you, to feel you, taste you.” Each phrase was accompanied by another deep kiss. “All this time, I never got to tell you how gorgeous you are because I was scared I would give myself away.” Dean pulled away from his neck and gave him a small smirk, “cat’s out of the bag now.” At that, Dean moved his mouth down to a spot on Castiel’s throat that made his knees go weak. 

“I guess so,” Castiel breathed out. His mind was pretty much just swimming with _Dean Dean Dean Dean Dean._ So, the fact that he got any reply out felt like a miracle. Dean pulled away, looking down at Castiel’s throat smugly. Castiel was sure he had a mark there. 

“Shoes off angel,” Dean gave him a sultry smile. Castiel leaned down hurriedly to pull off his boots while Dean kicked off his sandals.

He barely got them off before Dean pushed him down on the bed. Dean slotted his thigh between Castiel’s legs and leaned down, fitting their mouths together, kissing him hot and demanding, fingers deftly undoing the buckles on Castiel’s belt.

“I’ve been thinking about this,” Dean panted against Castiel’s lips, “for months Cas. Months.”

“We’ve had sex before though,” Castiel pointed out. Even as he said it though, he knew it didn’t mean anything. This time felt different. This time Dean was caressing his body like he was the most precious thing, this time it felt like making love.

“I thought you still had feelings for Anna,” Dean muttered fiercely, fingers flexing on Castiel’s slim hips as he kissed him. 

“Well, I thought you had feelings for Bella,” Castiel laughed. Dean rolled his eyes and gave him a deep kiss. Castiel tried to lean into it, but before he knew it, Dean was kissing down his body towards his waistline. Castiel laughed as Dean fumbled to get his pants down in his excitement. Dean licked out over the head of Castiel’s cock in retribution. 

Castiel let out a moan at the shocking sensation. He watched as Dean’s eyes went dark. He ripped off Castiel’s jeans and moved back up his body, tugging Castiel even closer so that their clothed cocks rub up against each other, and they both groaned at the sensation. Like Dean, Castiel was already fully hard, his boxers tenting obscenely in the front.

“I feel like I should confess my feelings for you more often if it gets you this riled up,” Castiel teased. Dean groaned as Castiel’s hand crept between his legs, caressing.

“Well it is something that makes me _very happy_ ,” Dean said. Castiel let out a pleased hum as Dean began to palm his ass, then he let out a pleased sigh as Dean claimed his mouth again.

“Take this off,” Castiel mumbled against Dean’s mouth in between frantic kisses, tugging at Dean’s swim trunks. Dean slid the trunks off, and Castiel promptly swiped the garment right off the bed with an impatient hand. The trunks landed on the floor with a very soft thud.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said. He sounded confident but Castiel could hear how nervous he was. 

“What’s up?” Castiel mumbled against Dean’s lips.

“Can we go all the way this time?” Castiel froze and pulled away.

“What?”

“Like, you can fuck me.” Dean blushed to his ears. Castiel could imagine it. He had had Dean’s mouth around his cock, he knew it was hot and wet and amazing. He could only imagine it if he had Dean’s hole around him. He knew that it would be amazing and that Castiel would come instantly. 

Another thought wormed its way into his head. One of the times they had hooked up in the car. Dean had slid a finger, just one, into Castiel’s hole and pressed a finger to _that spot_ and he had seen stars. Once he had the idea, it nagged on him non stop. The thought of Dean pressing into him, filling him up.

“Or maybe,” Castiel croaked out, “maybe you could fuck _me._ ” Dean practically growled and he captured Castiel’s lips in another deep kiss, flipping them so that Castiel was on top.

“Your pace angel,” Dean said breathlessly, “you call the shots.” Dean hadn’t needed to tell Castiel for him to know that, but Castiel appreciated it anyways. He leaned down for another long kiss. He sat up and slid off his boxers so that he was fully on display. 

Dean grinned widely, running his hands up Castiel’s body. He paused for a moment on the scar and leaned forward to kiss it gently before recapturing Castiel in another kiss.

They kiss, hot and panting, tongues deep and teeth scraping lips. Sometimes Dean whispers, "Fuck," like it's some sort of spell or prayer, and sometimes their mouths are pressed together too hard, but all the while, they're moving. Dean’s hands grab Castiel’s ass again, and they rock together. Castiel whined into the kiss, nearing the edge again, so close.

He pushed at Dean's chest and breaks the kiss. "Wait."

"Okay."

Castiel smiles softly at how readily he said it, how quickly he was ready to do whatever Castiel said. He looked up at Castiel with lust-blown eyes and Castiel leaned down to give him a peck on the lips before leaning in to whisper in his ear. "One finger?" He asked nervously.

"Oh god yes," Dean breathed. "Yes?" he checks.

Castiel nodded, gesturing towards his duffle next to the bed. “Lube and condoms are in there.” Dean hurriedly leaned over, not letting Castiel out of his lap and grabbed the stuff. “Somebody is eager,” he tried to tease.

Dean smiled, “I’m about to fuck the sexiest person I know. Hell yeah, I’m eager.” He unscrewed the bottle and squeezed a bit on his finger before setting it aside. "Do you still want to?" Dean checked in.

Castiel rolled his eyes, “yes.”

Dean smiled nervously "Just tell me if it hurts. Or if you need me to stop." Dean moved his hand behind Castiel again, feeling around for his spot. When he found it, he circled gently, and Castiel whimpered. "All right?" Dean asked.

"Mm-hmm." Castiel pulled Dean in for a filthy kiss. Dean immediately cupped his neck with his other hand. Castiel let out all his breath and relaxed as Dean began to push. then retreats, then push again.

It felt so good to be just almost breached. But not quite good enough. Castiel widened his knees and, very slightly, arched his back.

"Christ, Angel..." Dean pushed in again, but this time he didn't relent, and with a gasp from both of them, the tip of his index finger dipped inside.

Castiel turned his face into the curve of Dean's neck.

"Okay?" Dean mumbled into his neck.

"Yes," Castiel whispered.

Dean's finger slipped in to what felt like a knuckle. Castiel leaned back and pressed his lips against Dean’s again, practically panting into his mouth. Dean pulled his finger out a little and it felt nearly as good as when he pushed it in. Dean slowly began to move his finger in and out of Castiel as he slowly kissed him.

“How we doin angel?” Dean asked against his lips. Castiel responded by grinding his ass down on Dean’s finger. Dean exhaled in surprise. Castiel thought he could feel him smiling. His slippery finger fucked slowly and gently into Castiel's ass. 

"Please…" Castiel whined, and Dean answered without pause, fucking his finger in and out, tickling with the tip on the retreat only to thrust easily past his thick knuckle in the next breath. Castiel clutched at him, cock leaking out a whole stream of pre-come at the delightful burn of friction as Dean went a little faster. Castiel widens trembling legs. He didn't know. He just didn't know this could feel so good.

"God, Angel. You're… you're… Fuck, I love doing this to you." 

“Well, would you love it if I asked you for more?"

"This angle," Dean replied regretfully. "I don't think I can get deeper like this." He withdrew his finger slowly, and Castiel gasped. He felt hot and tingly all over. "Can I… get behind you?"

Castiel's hands tightened on his arms. Those words sent a bolt of arousal through him so sharp it was almost agony. His cock twitched. He nodded. 

Castiel climbed off Dean's lap.

"Here," Dean said. He grabbed a pillow for Castiel to rest his elbows on.

Castiel positioned himself, laying himself out over the pillow, ass on display, the slight chill in the air incited gooseflesh down his legs, or maybe that was excitement. "Like this?" Castiel asked.

"Holy god yes," Dean breathed. "I mean. Is that all right?"

"Yeah." Heat flared up his entire back, and Castiel is sure Dean saw it. In fact, in this position, Dean could probably see everything. He could watch. Castiel hid his blushing face in the pillow of his arms – but he opened his legs. His cock ached with how wickedly good it feels, exposing himself to Dean.

He heard Dean pick up the lube again and do things Castiel couldn't see. Castiel could feel the bed move as Dean was getting settled between his thighs. Then a slick finger stroked over the pucker of Castiel's asshole. Castiel's first instinct was to clench closed. But three more tender strokes later, he exhaled and relaxed. He heard Dean's breath go ragged behind him before he felt the new, slow but relentless slide of Dean’s finger into his ass. And this time, there was no stopping until it's all the way inside him. Castiel heard a horrible mewling sound. He clamped his lips closed as he realized it was him.

Dean's other hand came to rest on his lower back, warm and reassuring. "How's that?"

"So good," Castiel sighs.

"Good. Good." And Dean sounded genuinely pleased. Not gloating, but excited and nervous and happy. Castiel lean back a bit to pull Dean into a kiss, smiling contentedly at Dean’s enthusiasm. Dean started to fuck Castiel with his whole finger while kissing him, and Castiel wanted to burst out of his skin with it.

“Dean?”

"Yeah." Dean's finger continued screwing into him, and his voice had gone deep and low.

"M-more?"

Dean stilled. Castiel can practically hear him thinking in the stunned silence. "But… this is my whole finger."

Castiel couldn't help but smile at that. "Then I suspect I'm asking for two."

"Oh," Dean said. He sounded like he forgot how to think. "Oh. You're sure?"

Castiel nodded, burying his face again. Dean pulled his finger out. Castiel felt empty and cold, and his cock throbbed from where it hung between his thighs. There was the wet sound of the lubricant, then Dean circles two fingers at Castiel's entrance.

Castiel gasped in surprise. The single finger hadn’t hurt, but there were two fingers. Dean had thick fingers, thick hands. This would probably hurt. Castiel braced himself.

"Hey," Dean whispered, then he was covering Castiel's back, lain gently atop him. His lips brushed behind Castiel's ear. "It's okay. I won't hurt you." Dean's fingers just slowly pet his asshole. Castiel sighed back into relaxation. "If you don't like it, I'll stop. Or I don't have to at all, we could—"

Castiel turned his head and captured Dean into another slow kiss. Finally, he pulled away and looked up to Dean, cheeks on fire. "Dean," he says. "Do it."

Dean searched his eyes but, even still, pushed. Castiel felt the resistance of his body giving way – and then there was a slow, wonderful burn of it, up and up and up.

"Yeah?" Dean asked.

Castiel's eyes fluttered closed, and he laid his head back down, lifting his hips for Dean's fingers. "Yesss." Castiel moaned out.

Dean turned his hand, the slick easing the way, and seated his fingers in Castiel until his hand nudged up against his balls.

Castiel grunted, Dean whispered, "Oh fuck," and then Dean started again, pushing in, turning his wrist, and it sent a tingling heat straight into Castiel's cock. Castiel could no longer stay still for it. He started rolling his hips back, arching into Dean's thrusts.

"Does that feel good?" Dean's lips moved softly on his back. 

"Ye-es." Castiel moaned in surprise at a soft nip to the small of his back.

"Can I go faster?"

"Oh god yes."

Dean ceased the twisting motion. He pushed off Castiel's back again, thrusting with his arm now, just holding his fingers straight and still as he fucks. Lightning erupted up Castiel's spine. He obeyed his body's desire and held still for it again. He just let Dean do it, just laid there with his legs spread so wide they ached and let Dean make him feel better than perhaps ever he had. 

Cas heard himself moaning in chorus with Dean’s panting breath. He became reasonably sure about something: if Dean kept this up, Castiel was going to come.

"Dean…" Castiel choked out.

Dean slowed at the sound of his name. 

"Yes?"

"Three," Castiel said. "I want three."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course," Castiel smirked up at Dean, “I never do something I don’t want to.” Dean still hesitated. "I'll tell you if it hurts too much," Castiel insisted.

"O-okay." For the first time, it was Dean who sounded a bit scared.

"Dean?"

"Yes?"

Castiel lifted his head to look at him again. "You're… you're good at this, all right?"

Dean blinked, stunned for a moment, but then he beams. He leaned into Castiel for another short kiss.

Castiel smiled after the kiss, “now are you going to sit there all useless or are you going to put in a thi-i-ird. _Fuck”_

Dean paused, the tips of three of his fingers stretching Castiel's rim. "Castiel?"

"Y-yeah. Okay."

"Should I stop?"

"N-no. Don't stop. Just… go slow. All right?"

"Like this?" Dean eased his fingers maybe an inch inside and back out again. That same inch inside, and back out.

"Oh yes like that," Castiel breathed. Because that is oh so very good. It teased him with how it was going to ache. "Oh, Dean, like that."

“You like how that feels?" Dean's voice went all breathless.

Castiel just whined in response, lifting his hips higher to give Dean more access. His cock was rock hard and leaking. It leaked more at Dean’s fingers pushing in a half-inch more and filling him up. The whine turned to a long, unabashed groan. Castiel's pre-come obscenely leaked onto the bed underneath him.

Dean withdrew his fingers, pushed them back in, withdrew, pushed back in, each time going just a bit farther, only the slightest bit. Castiel got so lost in it, his head went slightly foggy and muddled and empty in this wonderful way that made him feel like he was safe no matter what. Dean kept giving it to him, and it was so good he didn't even realize at all when…

"God, Castiel..."

Castiel felt Dean's hand slapping up against his balls as his fingers, all three of them, bottomed out inside his ass. The slick friction was heaven. It's bloody perfect. And yet his body feels like it's climbing toward something. Something he can't even hope to grasp onto. And he wants…

"Dean..." Castiel moaned.

“Yes, Angel?” Dean asked breathlessly.

"I want you to fuck me, Dean. Now"

A whoosh of breath left Dean's lungs. His fingers pulled halfway out of Castiel's loosened ass, his lips descending to Castiel's lower back and pressing a kiss there. 

“Are you sure angel?” Dean sounded like it was taking all of his self-control not to bend Castiel in half right then and there. Castiel once again grinned at the power he had. He rolled around and spread his legs in a way he knew was obscene. Dean let out a small whine Castiel wasn’t even sure he knew he was making.

Dean reached out to wrap his arms around Castiel's back, pulling him close. Their half-hard cocks nuzzled between their bodies, and a frisson of pleasure spiraled up Castiel's spine. His ass ached, still open from Dean's fingers. Castiel bit his lip and wormed a hand between them, wrapping his fist around Dean's cock.

"Do you still want to?"

Dean gasped, his prick swelling in Castiel's hand. "Are you joking?"

Castiel leans in and kissed the words onto the shell of Dean's ear. "Are you nervous?"

"Yeah. I mean, of course. I don’t want to hurt you." That deep, trembling voice gave Castiel strength.

Castiel released Dean's erect cock and wrapped his legs around Dean's waist. "I'm not afraid," he whispered.

"I don't know if that helps, honestly," Dean said.

Castiel was unsure if he's even telling Dean the truth. This was his first time going all the way after all. His pulse was fast, his breath short, sure markings of fear. Castiel leaned back a bit, taking Dean's face in his hands kissing him. He slid his tongue between Dean's lips, and that was all it took for Dean to plunge his tongue into Castiel's mouth and moan. Castiel wanted to smile, but it was hard to smile while someone's kissing you as hard as Dean was.

Dean gently laid Castiel down flat on the bed, careful to make sure Castiel’s head landed on the pillow. Castiel could feel him fumbling around, sliding on his condom then trying to get his cock lined up.

Dean's cock. Oh, god.

But then the fat head was pushing against his slick entrance. Dean broke the kiss to ask, "Ready?"

Castiel nodded jerkily. "Yeah." His heart was going to break free of his chest.

Castiel watched Dean's eyes flare- then the concentrated look came over him. He looked Castiel in the eye, bit his lip, and gave a little thrust. Castiel gasped as the head breached him, wide as Dean's three fingers were at their deepest yet all at once. Castiel lost the breath to speak, and Dean surged forward, half his cock sliding in. The only response Castiel could have was to clamp down.

"Wait!"

Dean nods, red in the face and frowning in real effort. "Cas-Castiel…"

"Wait, just—Oh my god."

"Are you okay?" Dean panted. "Does it hurt?" While he waited for the answer, Dean pushed some stray damp hair out of Castiel's face, confident and tender and easy. It stole Castiel's breath for an instant.

"Maybe? Um…just…" Castiel breathed. He looked at Dean biting his lip so hard it looked painful. "O-okay."

"Yes?"

"Go slow!"

Dean nodded. "I will." He held Castiel by the hips and drove forward, eased back, drove forward a little more, eased back. His movements were slow and practiced. Castiel tried not to think about how he got that practice, deciding instead to lose himself to the pleasure.

"Oh god…" Castiel's eyes rolled shut.

"Good like that?"

"Oh my god…" It burned, it was also warm, and it was wet, and he was tingling. He felt it from his head to his toes. Dean was fucking him. Dean's cock was moving inside him. Castiel closed his eyes and moaned, “fuck that’s good.”

Dean grinned, “you like that?” At that he thrusted a little faster, still not pushing any deeper.

Castiel whined. "Oh god yes."

Castiel couldn't help arching into it. Dean bent his head to Castiel’s next possessively licking and biting and humming as he fucked. And his tongue, his teeth, his lips, his slick cock were making Castiel absolutely crazy for him. "Oh Dean. Oh god please Dean. Please. I think… I think… more now."

Dean growled and shoved his cock up Castiel's ass until they were pressed tight together, until Castiel was once again gasping, his ass stretched wide around the girth of Dean's thick cock. Until Dean was moving again, rutting, and he was panting against Castiel's neck. 

Castiel clutched at his shoulders, his hair, and what began as a bright stinging pain dulled to heat and ache. What seemed like too much a moment ago was now so perfect. Once again, he was spreading his legs, opening himself, and Dean was there to fill him. He pumped Castiel full over and over, and the slick friction had Castiel's mouth dropping open. Dean whipped his hips and instead of being painful, it was just right. 

Castiel's cock laid in the crevice of his hip, leaking and ready. Dean squeezed Castiel’s ass, and it changed the shape of him around Dean's cock, and they both gasped. Dean then hit a spot in Castiel that made him see stars. Castiel lost his breath and felt himself nearly come.

"Okay?" Dean asked.

"Oh holy fuck more than, you idiot."

Dean looked into his face. Castiel's lips quirked up, and he'd laugh if he weren't so close to coming. Dean raised his hands and smoothed the hair from Castiel's face again. "Cas…" His gaze touched everywhere. He was thrusting deep inside Castiel's body. His cock kept pressing up against that spot every other thrust. Castiel felt a pressure building, building building. With a choked sob he was pushed over the edge.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck… Dean…!" Castiel's balls tightened as he came.

Castiel’s climax came to an end, he sagged against the bed as Dean continued to pump in and out of his body. He was unbelievably sensitive all over. He looked up at Dean’s face who was staring at him like he had just witnessed a miracle.

Castiel watched as he bit his lip, closed his eyes, held his breath… and then he came. Dean’s brows creased, mouth opening on a groan. He pounded into Castiel hard and slow. His eyes slowly opened again, fixing on Castiel's face, his pupils dilated. He fucked, shaking, so deep and so slow. Dean's face tensed and relaxed with each wave of his orgasm.

"God, that's the hottest thing I've ever seen," Castiel told him.

And then the great Dean Winchester, king of the school and resident fuck boy extraordinaire, blushed, unable to look at him, and buried his face in the crook of Castiel's neck to finish. Castiel cupped the back of his head. Before he could think, he kissed Dean's temple.

And Castiel felt so good, thrumming and sated.

Dean slid out an pulled off his condom, tying it off. He threw it somewhere Castiel didn’t see and turned back around. Dean rolled Castiel on his side, wrapping his arms around him.

A moment more and Dean's hand shifts on his stomach, roaming up onto his ribcage. The silence started to feel thick and heavy. Castiel knew he couldn't stay like this, leaned against Dean's chest all night, but...

What would Dean expect? At this point, Castiel or Dean usually got dressed and left. That or they both got dressed and then they pretended this never happened.

"Can I… kiss you?" Dean asks at his ear. Castiel turned, slinking his arms around Dean's neck. Their lips meet, and for a strange moment, it's so gentle. Then Dean smiles; Castiel smiles. Dean opened Castiel's lips and deepened it. Castiel relished the strength in him, the heat of his skin. 

Dean pulled back. He sighs.

"Had enough?" Castiel asked, teasing.

But Dean just grins at him, that full-force smile that makes Castiel's knees sweat. He said, "Not nearly." And then he kissed Castiel again. 

“Just one question,” Dean said.

“Yeah?” Castiel raised an eyebrow and leaned back against the pillow.

“Misha Collins?” Dean asked.

Castiel felt his face burn, “if you tell anybody, I swear to god I will kill you. If Bella found out it would be the end of me.”

Dean laughed and snuggled up against him, “I promise angel. Your secret is safe with me.” 

Castiel smiled, feeling safe in his arms as he drifted off to sleep.

  
  



	17. Chapter 17

Castiel woke up the next day to an empty bed. He vaguely remembered Dean saying he would be back before he drifted off to sleep but he had thought it was a dream. Castiel looked up around the room to see victor packing up his stuff.

Castiel was, thankfully, covered with a sheet. Victor didn’t seem to care about Castiel being obviously naked under the sheet. He looked up at the sounds of the sheets rustling.

“Hey Castiel,” Victor looked up in his directions before going back to packing.

“Good morning,” Castiel rumbled back. His voice was more hoarse than usual. He shifted himself, repressing a wince of surprise at the ache in his backside. 

Victor bent down to grab one of his stray shirts, “you better get up loverboy. Bus leaves in an hour.” Castiel looked up at the clock and cursed. It was already 8 am. 

Wrapping the sheet around his waist, he jumped out of bed to make his way to his duffle. He grabbed his trenchcoat and a fresh change of clothes, debating if a shower was worth it.

Victor seemed to read his thoughts. “You gotta shower dude. This whole room reeks of sex and I don’t wanna know what you smell like.”

Mortified, Castiel nodded mutely. He made his short walk of shame to the shower and turned on the water. While waiting for it to heat up, he looked at himself in the mirror.

His collarbone was littered with hickies and a small one had formed right over his neck. His lips were swollen from the force of their kissing yesterday as well. His hair was spiked up in all directions and there was some dried come on his hip. He made a mental note to make sure his neck was covered. 

_ I’m gonna kill Dean _ . Castiel thought to himself as he got in the hot water. Now he was never going to hear the end of it from Gabriel.

-+-

It only took fifteen minutes for Castiel to pack up all his stuff, but he still was almost late for the bus meet up time at 9:00. He ran down the stairs, nearly bumping into an unsuspecting older woman.

Castiel finally found Dean standing by the bus. He was standing around with all his baseball friends, and at first, Castiel felt shy and nervous, but then he saw him, and his face broke into a wide grin. “C’mere, Angel,” he said, so Castiel went to him. When Castiel got there Dean leaned over to whisper in his ear, “you’re sitting with me, right?”

Castiel nodded.

As they made their way onto the bus Castiel heard a lot of whispering. It seemed like people were staring at them, and at first, he thought it was just his imagination, but then he saw Bella look right at him and whisper to Ruby. It sent a chill down his spine.

“Everyone keeps staring at me,” he whispered to Dean.

“The whole bus probably thinks we fucked last night,” he said nonchalantly.

“Well we did fuck,” Castiel whispered back.

“Well, then what’s the big deal?” Dean rested his hands on his shoulders and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and Castiel forgot all about Bella and the others. 

“Where did you disappear last night then?” Castiel asked.

“Oh, Sammy had an emergency,” Dean said apologetically, “I helped him out, but then you wiped me out so much I just passed out on my bed.”

Castiel frowned, “so you had me wake up alone?”   
“I’m sorry Angel,” Dean murmured. He leaned forward to give Castiel a gentle kiss on the lips. “I’m really sorry.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, trying not to let it show how flustered he was. “It’s fine.” Dean grinned and gave him another chaste kiss.

Dean and Castiel sat in the middle of the bus with Benny and a couple of other guys from the baseball team. Castiel waved to Charlie and Jo so she’d sit with them, but they seemed to be in a serious conversation. Castiel knew he had to tell Charlie about how he took her advice or else she would be annoyed with him. For now though, Castiel was content to just sit with Dean who had wrapped an arm around Castiel’s waist to hug him close the second he sat down.

The way down the mountain, Dean took out a couple of extra maple bacon donuts and gummy bears he had hidden away for them to share, and Castiel gratefully at them. Victor brought out a deck of cards to play bullshit. Dean complained that Castiel would win because he had the best poker face.

He did.

Then he won the game of poker they played afterward too.

-+-

When they got back to the school, Castiel was waiting for Dean to get his car. He had agreed to drive Gabe and Castiel home so that Jody wouldn’t have to go out of her way. Sam and Gabriel were having a quiet conversation to the side and Charlie and Jo had already gone home so Castiel was alone.

Bella took the opportunity to come talk to him. 

“Hey Castiel,” Bella said cheerfully. Her coat was zipped uptight and she looked very pleased with herself.

“Hello Bella,” Castiel said cautiously.

“Did you know that when we were kids, I used to wish I was you?” Castiel froze. Bella smiled, glad to have thrown him off. “I used to wish your dad was my dad and Michael and Gabe were my brothers. I loved coming over to your house. I would hope and pray that you would invite me to sleepover. I hated being at home with my dad.”

Castiel just stared, unsure what to say.

“My mom really liked you,” Bella continued, “said you were a good influence. I liked having you over too.”

This was the most Bella had said to Castiel that wasn’t outright hostile in years. He swallowed his pride, “So why did you stop being friends with me?”

Bella narrowed her eyes at him. “You really don’t know?”

“No.”

“You kissed Dean that day at my house in seventh grade. You knew I liked him, but you kissed him anyway.” Castiel raised an eyebrow, unsure if she was serious. This was in  _ seventh grade _ . She continued. “I always knew your goody-goody act was fake. It’s no wonder you and that crazy lesbian are friends now. Although at least Charlie owns her sluttiness. She doesn’t put on an act.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. As far as he knew the only person he had been sleeping with was Dean, which didn’t really make him a slut. “What are you talking about?”

Bella laughs, and it was chilling how happy she sounds. That’s when Castiel became nervous. He braced himself for whatever mean thing would come out of her mouth, but even still he was not ready for what came next.

“I’m talking about how you are a creepy pervert.”

Castiel’s mind went completely blank. “I’m sorry what?”

Bella looked at him in disgust, “you know what I’m talking about  _ Misha. _ Dean told me all about it last night.” Bella unzipped her jacket while Castiel stared in shock, trying to process her words. “It’s a lot warmer here than the slopes huh?”

Her unzipped jacket revealed a too large Led Zeppelin T-Shirt that Castiel had seen Dean wearing just a week ago. 

“Where did you get that?” Castiel asked, gesturing to the shirt.

Bella looked down in mock surprise, “oh this? Dean left it in my room last night when he stopped by.” She leaned forward, “wanna hear a secret?” Castiel stared, still at a loss for words. Bella landed the devastating blow, “it was even more fun to take it off him than it was to put it on.” 

“I don’t believe you Castiel bit out.”

Bella’s eyes wide in mock horror, “oh that’s right. Because Dean is dating you right.” Her face hardened, “well news flash. His ego couldn’t take the fact that I dumped him for an older guy. He was using you. If he got free sex out of it, all the better. But he still came running whenever I called. That’s because he loves me. He will never love another person as much as he loves me.”

Castiel didn’t know what to do with the information he had just learned. Dean had told Bella about him being Misha Collins right after he had found out, Dean went to Bella’s last night instead of Sam’s like he said, and (if he understood what Bella was hinting at) Dean had also had sex with her right after having sex with him. Bella just watched in glee as she watched Castiel coming to terms with what he learned. 

“I can’t believe you ever thought Dean liked a pervert like you,” Bella sneered, “don’t you understand. You were just  _ easy _ . Shame nobody else will want to ride that caboose once they find out what a creep you are.”

Whatever she saw in his face must have pleased her, because she smiles. “Now that Alistair and I are done . . . well, I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” He stood there mute and numb as she winked at somebody behind him. “See you later asstiel.” She turned on her heel and walked off to join Ruby.

Castiel stared after her in shock, feeling his heart breaking in his chest. He felt somebody walk up behind him and wrap him in a hug.

“Hey angel,” Dean mumbled into his ear. Castiel ripped himself out of Dean’s arms and whipped around to face him, furious.

Dean was looking at him in hurt confusion. “What the hell Cas?”

“Don’t,” Castiel said dangerously. “Don’t call me Cas.”

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked desperately. 

“Did you go to Bella’s last night?” Castiel asked him pointedly. Dean’s face melted from confusion to shock to guilt back to confusion. The momentary guilt was all Castiel needed. He huffed a breath, “I can’t believe you.”

“Cas, Castiel I can explain.” Dean reached out for Castiel’s hand but he ripped it away.

“Explain what?” Castiel bit back, “that after you finally managed to make it to home base the first thing you do is go to your ex-girlfriend? And how long did it take for you to tell her my secret? A couple of minutes? You must have felt really proud of yourself, getting Bella exactly what she needed to destroy me.”

“That’s not-” Dean tried to talk.

“That’s not what?” Castiel was fired up now. “That’s not what happened? Cause you just admitted it was.” Castiel felt tears welling up behind his eyes and his heart breaking. “Or maybe I was just a challenge, get the awkward geek to fall in love with you. Prove to the whole world that nobody was immune to the great Dean Winchester.” Castiel slouched, “I really was just a distraction for you huh?”

“What? No Cas you were never-”

“I thought I told you not to call me Cas,” Castiel glared Dean down. Gabriel and Sam had made their way over to them while Castiel was yelling at Dean.

“Everything okay?” Gabe asked. He subtly slid himself over to stand next to Castiel, always on his side. Castiel was eternally grateful for him at that moment.

“I’m done here,” Castiel just said. He pulled out his phone to call aunt Jody to pick him up. “We’re done, feel free to go back to Bella now. I know that's all you really want anyway.” Castiel walked away as fast as he could from Dean’s handsome face, knowing if he stayed any longer then he would have done something stupid. Like forgive him

Gabriel ran after him as Castiel punched in Jody’s number. “Are you okay Cassie?” Gabe asked without his usual teasing.

“No,” Castiel choked out. He felt the first tear slide down his face.

-+-

Castiel walked in the house to a winter wonderland and a very excited Luke jumping up to lick his face. Castiel gave Luke the obligatory head scratches as he looked back at Jody in confusion.

“You and Alfie got all this done in just one night?”   
Jody smiled conspiratorially, “not quite.”

“I helped a bit,” a familiar voice said. Castiel turned to see Michael walk in with a shit-eating grin.

“Michael!” Gabe shouted excitedly. He dropped his duffle to run and jump on their brother. Castiel dropped him almost as unceremoniously and walked over to join in. 

“Group hug!” Alfie shouted excitedly. He ran over and tackled them in a hug that made them fall to the ground.

“Dammit Alfie,” Gabriel cursed.

“Language around the kid,” Jody scolded.

“Darn it?” Gabriel tried.

“Better.”

Michael started pushing against them, “all right, everybody off me now.” The three boys scrambled into a standing position, Castiel leaned down to pull Michael to his feet.

“Still in one piece?” Gabe joked.

“I believe so yes.” 

“Shame,” Gabe frowned, “maybe we should try again?” Castiel let out a small smile at Michael’s affronted scoff. The excitement of having his brother back was almost enough to make Castiel forget about what happened with Dean.

Almost.

At that moment Castiel’s phone buzzed with a text message.

**Dean**

_ (12:31 pm) Can we talk? _

“Who’s that?” Michael asked. 

Castiel turned his phone off and shoved it in his pocket. “Nobody important,” he lied. Michael gave him a look that Castiel knew meant he didn’t believe him but he didn’t say anything in front of their family. Castiel knew that he would have to talk to him later though.

A casual grin spread across Michael’s face and he clapped his hands as he turned back to the others. “All right, who’s ready for the Christmas movie marathon?” 

“Me!” Alfie shouted excitedly.

“Rudolph first,” Gabe ordered as he ran to the living room. Alfie ran after him, nearly tripping over his own feet.

“Which one is the middle schooler again?” Michael asked. Jody let out a hearty laugh.

-+-

Later, when Jody and Alfie were asleep and Gabe was on a facetime call with somebody in his room, Michael and Castiel were wrapping gifts. Midwrap, Michael decided to bring it up again. Castiel had hoped he would have forgotten, but Michael’s memory had always been killer. 

“So what was that about earlier,” he said, tying a bow on one of Alfie’s presents from ‘Santa’.

“It’s nothing,” Castiel said, carefully cutting a sheet of rocking-horse wrapping paper. 

“Yeah right,” Michael scoffed as he got up and started wrapping another gift. “I know that face. It’s you emotionally student but something really bad happened face”

Castiel cut off a strip of fat green ribbon. “Can we talk about something else?”

Okay,” Michael said, “how about we talk about throwing a little Christmas party again this year?”

“What?” Castiel hadn’t expected that.

“Oh come on,” Michael grinned, “Alfie would love it. You know Jody would have a good time hanging out with her friends too. We could bake brownies, we can invite Ellen from the diner to cook. It will be an  _ awesome  _ time.”

“We could get cheese puffs and popcorn, easy snacks” Castiel added hesitantly. Michael was so excited about it that even in his current state of self-pity, he can’t begrudge him.

Michael ran to grab a pen and paper from the kitchen and started writing things down. “So we said Ellen can cook, snacks can be popcorn, cheese puffs, punch . . . We can bake some cookies with the brownies. We’ll invite all the neighbors—Anna and her parents, the Shahs, Ms. Rothschild. Who of your friends do you want to invite? Charlie?”

Castiel shook his head. “Charlie is visiting her relatives in Boca Raton.”

“What about Dean? He could bring Bobby, and doesn’t he have a younger brother?” Castiel was almost impressed at how hard Michael was trying to be accepting of his arch-rival. Regardless, when Castiel heard Dean’s name his breath caught in his throat.

“Let’s leave off Dean,” Castiel said.

His forehead creased and he looked up from her list. “Did something happen on the ski trip?”

Castiel shrugged, “No. Nothing happened.”

“Then why not? I want to get to know him better, Castiel. Get to know the him that you keep gushing about.”

“I think he might be going out of town too.” Castiel could tell Michael doesn’t believe me, but he didn’t press any further.

After checking with Jody, he sent the evites out that night, and right away there were five yeses. 

After they were done, Castiel said he was tired and went up to his room. He didn’t keep check his phone to see if Dean had texted again. His phone chirped as he went to plug it in though and he saw a text from Anna.

**Anna**

_ (10:13 pm) I heard what happened. Are you okay? _

So even Anna knew? She wasn’t even on the ski trip. Did the whole school know?

Castiel wrote back, 

**Castiel**

_ (10:15 pm) No _

**Anna**

_ (10:16 pm) For what it’s worth, I know ur not a pervert. Also Dean is a piece of shit. _

Castiel smiled at her text, glad that he at least repaired their friendship. He put his phone down and turned off the light, trying to sleep but failing.

Around three a.m. Castiel deleted the picture of Dean from his phone; he deleted his number. He hoped that if he could just delete him enough, it would be like none of it ever happened and his heart wouldn’t hurt so badly.

  



	18. Chapter 18

Just when Castiel was starting to think that things were at their worst, he woke up the day of the Christmas party to a flood of text messages from, Charlie, Jo, and Anna. He had several missed calls from them as well along with six mixed calls from an unknown number and a voicemail. Groggily, Castiel opened his phone to read them.

**Anna**

_ (10:03 pm) Did you see? _

_ (10:12 pm) Castiel? _

_ (10:29 pm) Why are u ignoring me? _

_ (10:45 pm) I just realized ur probably asleep. My b. _

_ (10:46 pm) Also that u probably haven’t seen it _

_ (10:54 pm) Call me when u wake up! _

**Jo**

_ (10:01 pm) Castiel, are you okay? _

_ (10:14 pm) Just occurred 2 me that u are Castiel and that you definitely won’t tell me even if you are. _

_ (10:16 pm) I will kick ass as soon as possible stand by. _

**Charlie**

_ (12:51 pm) I am working on getting the video down. I’m sorry thats fucked up _

_ (1:32 am) *Hacker voice* I’m in. _

_ (1:48 am) Video is down. Sorry I didn’t get it down before it got all those views. _

**Unknown number**

_ (10:30 pm) Cas I know you won’t believe me but I swear I had no idea about this.  _

Castiel had no idea what any of this meant. He went to his voicemail from 2 am, hesitating before he hit listen.

_ “Hey Cas, you aren’t picking up so I’m guessing you’re avoiding my calls or you’re asleep.”  _ Castiel started in surprise at Dean’s voice. _ “Videos already down and I’m guessing you’re asleep right now. I just,”  _ Dean took a moment of pause,  _ “I need you to believe me Cas. I had no clue the video existed. I reported it to the police so Jody probably already knows”.  _ There were a couple of beats of silence where Castiel could hear Dean’s breathing.  _ “You probably won’t even listen to this,”  _ Dean sounded defeated as the audio cut out. 

He stared down at the phone, trying to piece together what was going on. There was a video. It wasn’t good, it had a lot of views, and it was already taken down. Castiel wracked his brain for what it could mean. 

Looking at the time, Castiel cursed. It was already 8 am, he had agreed to meet Ellen for 8:30 to help with the cooking. Thanks to Dean, he was the only one in the house who actually knew how to cook so he had been drafted into it. Castiel jumped out of bed and hurriedly got dressed. 

When he got downstairs, Michael and Alfie were already working on making a gingerbread house. Michael was brandishing a bag of frosting while Alfie was holding two pieces of gingerbread together. Michael looked up as Castiel ran downstairs and snatched the keys.

“Running late?” He asked.

“Very,” Castiel grumbled.

“Well, when you’re done with Ellen let me know. And don’t forget guests are arriving at three.”

“Yeah, I know.” Castiel opened the door to leave as he spoke. He ran out the door to the car while Michael shouted after him.

“Don’t be late!”

Castiel started the car and pulled out of the driveway, unaware that in his hurry he had left his phone by his bedside. It would ring while he showed up late to Ellen’s and was chastised by her for tardiness. Texts would flow through as he struggled to follow her instructions for making the pineapple salsa from scratch to go with the ham. It would die around the time that he finished with the coleslaw though, so when he arrived home he would be none the wiser.

-+-

The party started out pretty well. Jody had been called into work to deal with some issues at the station so she told them she wouldn’t be getting there until dinner time. Ellen had gone with Castiel so that she could help bring the food in and put them on hotplates to keep warm. The neighbors filed in one after another, all commenting on how nice Gabriel and Alfie had done with decorations and asking Michael how college was.

The three of them were the center of attention, easily chatting people up and keeping the atmosphere light. Castiel was sitting at the keyboard Michael had dusted off from the attic playing “Christmas Shoes,” grateful for the excuse to avoid socialization. His piano skills were rusty but he thought he was doing his best. 

Anna showed up with her family around 4 pm. As soon as she got there, she tried to talk to Castiel but got distracted by his brother. Her eyes became wistful as she stared at Michael who was oblivious. Her expression was well masked but Castiel could see through the facade. His heart panged with sympathy, switching to a one-handed ode to joy to squeeze her hand reassuringly.

Michael was explaining a class he took on neuroscience, Alfie and Anna and a few of the younger neighbors were playing ninja, and Gabriel was sipping punch and talking to Kali when Dean Winchester walked in wearing a button-down flannel shirt accompanied by Sam and Bobby. In his hands was a wrapped circular dish. Castiel faltered over his keys while playing jingle bells.

Alfie spotted him when Castiel did. “You came!” he cried in excitement. He ran right towards him and wrapped him in a tight hug.

Dean grinned and patted him on the back with one hand, “hey squirt.” Alfie then pulled away and wrapped Sam in a hug too. Gabriel began walking over to them as Castiel averted his eyes back to the piano, pretending to be focused on the music as he eavesdropped., 

“I thought you weren’t coming,” Gabe said in a sickeningly sweet tone. There was a faint threat in there that you would have to be stupid to miss.

“Well we wouldn’t want to miss your ugly mug,” Sam cut in before Dean could talk. “Besides, we heard you were gonna feed us and Dean is a bottomless pit.”

“I brought pie,” Dean offered awkwardly.

“Bobby,” Ellen’s fond tone broke over their conversation. Castiel glanced up to see her give the man a kiss on a cheek. Bobby coughed and looked away but he looked pleased. Unfortunately, as Castiel looked up he made eye contact with Dean who was staring him down. He hastily averted his eyes back to the keyboard but it was too late.

Moments later he felt somebody slide onto the bench next to him. Dean’s body radiated heat and Castiel could feel the tension between them like it was tangible.

“What are you doing here?” Castiel whispered accusingly. He transitioned into “Jingle Bells.”

“The kid invited me.” He jerked his head toward Alfie, who had conveniently started playing with Luke. Anna was standing across the room from them, looking over with a frown on her face.

“We need to talk,” Dean whispered.

Castiel rolled his eyes, “we don’t have anything to talk about.”

Dean took Castiel by the elbow and Castiel tried to shake him off, but he wouldn’t let go. He pulled Castiel off the bench and steered him into the kitchen. Castiel let himself be dragged so as not to cause a scene in front of the guests. He hadn’t quite come around to telling everyone he broke up with his fake boyfriend for cheating on him and telling everyone his secret.

When they got to the kitchen Castiel rounded on him angrily. “I want you to make up an excuse to everyone and leave,” he said. ““And you can take your stupid pie with you.”

“First just let me explain-”

“No!” Castiel burst out. “I told you I loved you and I told you one of my biggest secrets and the first thing you did is go report to Bella and stick your dick in her. You stole all of my firsts Dean and it was just because you were manipulating me.”

“That’s not true!”

“Oh really?” Castiel scoffed, “so you didn’t leave me just minutes after I finally gave it up to you and went to Bella’s room?” Dean hesitated so Castiel continued. “And you expect me to believe that you weren’t the one to tell Bella I was Misha Collins? That she just so happened to be wearing your shirt the next day? That you didn’t turn around and fuck her first chance you got? I’m not stupid Dean, she’s the one you really care about.” 

Castiel choked on his next words as he got them out. “I’m not your toy Dean.”

Dean’s face fell into an expression that even Castiel in his rage could tell was heartbroken. “Is that really what you think of me Cas?”

“You’re such a scumbag, Winchester.”

They spun around. There Anna was, in the doorway, glaring at Dean with a force that Castiel was sure could melt metal. “You did all that to Castiel and you still posted your sex tape online.” Castiel’s blood ran cold at her words.

Dean’s jaw twitched at the sight of her, “that’s not true. You know it isn’t true.”

“Fuck you, Winchester,” Anna said. She turned to Castiel, “Castiel let’s get out of here. He doesn’t deserve your time. He’s only

bringing you down.” Castiel barely registered her words, he was still stuck on what he had just heard. “Castiel?” Anna asked when he didn’t answer.

Castiel just turned up at Dean in betrayal, “what sex tape?”

Dean stiffened, “you didn’t know?”

“Know?” Castiel prodded.

“Castiel, somebody posted a video of you and Dean in the school bathroom.” Castiel’s brain short-circuited in panic, and suddenly all the text messages from this morning made sense. A sex tape was the kind of thing that ruined careers, ruined college applications.

“And Dean posted it?” He asked incredulously.

“No, of course not,” Dean said hurriedly.

“Doesn’t matter though, I bet you’re proud of yourself huh? Now everyone can tell you are dynamite in the sack.”   
“Shut up Anna,” Dean finally snapped into anger. “You messed up when he liked you too, so you don’t really get to act like the saint here.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Anna fired back. Dean opened his mouth, undoubtedly to keep arguing with her.

“Stop this, now,” a voice rang over them. That’s when they all looked up to see them. Michael and Jody, standing a few feet behind Anna. Castiel’s brain stopped again, the world has stopped spinning, because Michael had heard everything.

“Michael,” Castiel began, “I can explain.”

“Get out of my house Dean Winchester,” Jody ordered. Castiel stared at her in surprise, unsure of what to say. “Make an excuse, and leave before you cause a scene. 

“You too Anna,” Michael added. “This is a Christmas party, not a high school function.” 

Anna stared back at her ex-boyfriend with fire in her eyes, “fine. But before I leave we are having a short conversation.”   
“Fine,” Michael sighed. He turned back to Dean, “why are you still here.”

Dean slumped his shoulders and went to leave the kitchen. Before he left though, he turned back to face Castiel. “You were never second best Cas. I don’t know how to convince you cause I know you won’t believe me, but Sammy and I, we need you.” He swallowed, “I need you.” With that, he left the room to go talk to his brother.

Michael turned to Castiel, “we will talk after the party. Okay?” 

Castiel nodded mutely, then watched as he and Anna walked away. 

-+-

The rest of the party went by in a blur. Alfie was disappointed about Dean leaving but he had been excited to hang out with his other friends. Castiel saw Jody watching him throughout the night, but decided to ignore it. He ate his dinner, played his piano, and ignored everyone. Sam, Kali, and Gabriel disappeared at some point, but Castiel didn’t want to think about the kind of trouble they were getting the younger Winchester into.

After the party, Castiel was sitting in his room staring at his black word document. He had just deleted the entirety of what he had written for his fake dating romance novel, and now he was trying to process everything that had happened. He was just getting to the part where Michael thought he had feelings for his ex-girlfriend when his brother knocked on the door.

Castiel looked up to see Gabe and Michael standing together awkwardly with Alfie hiding behind them. Michael had his usual emotionless expression while Gabe and Alfier looked guilty.

“Hello?” Castiel said in confusion.

“Castiel,” Michael finally spoke. “I think it is time all of us really talk. No more secrets between any of us.”

Castiel sighed, “yes. The secrets are causing nothing but discord among us, it would be for the best if we cleared the air.” He leaned away from his desk and turned to face them. “I suppose it is time for me to start?”

“If you want to, although you should know that Anna told me the truth. That you don’t actually like her, you just thought you did. I trust her and I trust that you didn’t do anything with her because I know you. You aren’t that type of person.”

Castiel was glad that Michael knew him so well, and that he wasn’t angry at him for this. He opened his mouth to tell everyone the truth of the past couple of months, leaving out the sexual detail. They were his family, after all, he didn’t want them to know  _ everything _ . When he got to the part about telling Dean about their parents Gabe started in shock.

“Damn Cassie, I thought that was the elephant we just pretended didn’t exist.”

Castiel shrugged, “I don’t know. I just felt comfortable with Dean. I trust him. Trusted him.” Castiel amended.

“Well, how did you get from there to here?” Gabe asked in confusion. Castiel continued the story. He finally reached the end about Bella and how she basically told him that Dean was using him not only to make him jealous but because he was just something to pass the time. They were all quiet at that.

"At least the video got taken down fast," Gabriel offered. Castiel just shrugged. He hadn't known that, but he was glad for it.

“Castiel,” Alfie finally spoke up, “did you… You know?” Castiel did know. He took a deep breath, ignoring the familiar pang of pain in his chest. 

“It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that it’s over.” He looked down at his hands clasped in his lap, trying to stop the shaking. “All of it is over. I don’t want to see him ever again.”

“Uh,” Gabriel shifted his feet awkwardly. “While we are talking about Winchesters…” He trailed off and scratched his neck.

“Is this about your bizarre friendship?” Castiel asked. He had been meaning to find out more about that. “Because I thought you hated each other.”

“Well… You see… It’s kinda like.” Gabriel stammered over his words and his face flushed red. “Remember how you walked in on Sam and some other person at the ski lodge?”

“Sam told you about that?” Castiel asked in surprise. Gabe managed to look both embarrassed and like Castiel was the stupidest person on the planet at the same time. Then it clicked. “Oh!”

“Yeah…” Gabe smiled sheepishly. Alfie looked suspiciously proud of himself.

“I don’t understand,” Michael said. 

Gabriel ignored them to keep talking to Castiel. “I was just driving him home from school so often that sometimes we would actually talk. He’s a pretty smart guy, doesn’t put up with all my crap.”

“Is that where you keep disappearing to?” Castiel asked accusingly.

“Now I understand,” Michael interjected.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you,” Gabriel looked sufficiently guilty. “Sam didn’t want his brother to know before we knew it was serious and well,” Gabe shrugged, “we thought you and Dean were one of those disgusting couples who told each other absolutely everything were always together.” 

_ I thought we were too _ , Castiel thought to himself. On the outside, he smiled at his brother, “well I’m happy for you. Although I am not happy you did not trust me to keep your secrets.”

“It’s kinda stupid looking back at it,” Gabe said sheepishly. “Especially cause Alfie kept it a secret.”   
“Alfie?” Castiel said incredulously. All three of them turned to see the middle schooler sitting there looking very proud of himself.

Alfie dropped a wink, “and that isn’t the only secret I’ve been keeping.”

“Like what?” Castiel asked. 

“Like the fact that Anna and Michael started talking when she visited him over thanksgiving break and they made out at the party last night.”

Michael’s face turned bright red. “Alfie!” Castiel found Michael blushing even more surprising than the fact that he was talking to his ex girlfriend.

“I thought you wanted to stay single in college though?” Castiel asked.

“I did but,” Michael sighed, “I missed Anna so much. When I thought she had moved on with my baby brother I got jealous, suddenly distance and focusing on classes didn’t matter and I kissed her. She slapped me after but I think I’m going to ask her to go out with me again.”

“Kinky,” Gabe teased.

“Child present,” Alfie piped in.

“Okay ‘child,’ if that’s what you really are,” Gabe smiled good-humoredly, “what other secrets you got in there?”

Alfie snapped his mouth shut, “nothing.” He flashed a guilty look in Castiel’s direction.

Castiel narrowed his eyes, “tell me.”

“It’s nothing!” Alfie squealed defensively. Castiel gave him an unimpressed glare. “Honestly! Well, hardly anything. Practically insignificant.”

“Samandriel Alfred Mills,” Castiel said dangerously.

Alfie looked down in embarrassment and mumbled something under his breath. The only word that Castiel caught was “mail” out of the string of nonsense.

“Louder Alfie,” Michael chided.

Alfie glared at him then spoke up. “I sent your letters in the mail.” 

Castiel stared at him without blinking. So, Michael's blushing _wasn’t_ the most surprising thing. At this point, Castiel had been convinced that the letters accidentally got mailed from the goodwill boxes. So now, he stared at his cousin while he tried to come to terms with the fact that he was the reason for the whole mess starting in the first place.

He must have been staring at him silently for a while because Alfie started getting even more nervous. “Castiel?” He asked nervously.

“Well, that’s the last thing I expected.” Castiel finally said.

“Yeah,” Alfie laughed awkwardly.

“You’re dead to me,” Castiel said smoothly and Alfie’s face went white.

“He’s joking,” Gabe assured him, flashing a glare at Castiel. “Stop scaring him he’s like, ten.”

“On the contrary,” Castiel argued, “if it weren’t for him then none of this would have happened. No heartbreak no sex tape-”

“No me ending up with a guy who is keeping me out of trouble, no Michael and Anna getting back together, and no you becoming friends with Charlie and being in a serious relationship for the first time in your life.” Gabriel stared Castiel down, “just because there was some bad doesn’t mean nothing good happened. You were so happy while you were Dean and more you than you have been in years.”

Castiel knew Gabe was right, and surprisingly wise. “I see Sam Winchester is rubbing off on you.”

“I’m kind of surprised you didn’t notice earlier.”

“My people skills are rusty,” Castiel said defensively.

“Your people skills don’t exist Cassie.”

“Don’t call me Cassie.”

“Guys,” Michael interrupted before they could start bickering. Castiel and Gabe looked up at him in surprise, then at each other. They all started laughing at once, it felt exactly like old times. Michael acting as a parent with Castiel and Gabe at each other’s throats while simultaneously being in sync. Alfie sitting there confused.

Castiel felt his throat choke up, so much had happened since ‘the old times’ that it was amazing that he could feel like it was those times. So much had happened. 

Castiel looked over at his trash can, which he had thrown all the letters Dean had sent him. He found himself wishing he had read them, instead of just absentmindedly throwing them in a box when he got home. He missed the Dean he had thought he was getting to know.

“I did you know,” he confessed to his brothers. He looked back towards them, “love him.”

Gabriel dropped his usual humor for a sympathetic expression, “I know Cassie. I know.”

  
  



	19. Chapter 19

Christmas vacation came and went. He heard back from Duke University and sent his own acceptance almost immediately. In all the drama with the ski trip, Castiel hadn’t noticed the acceptance letter sitting in his email but it had been a nice surprise. Aunt Jody had taken them all to the Roadhouse to celebrate.

Michael went back to college, this time with the promise of staying in touch with Anna. It was nice to see them so happy again, although Castiel definitely gave Anna a knowing look after catching her grinning at her phone all the time. 

Sam came over nearly every day to see Gabriel. He had introduced himself to Jody and she loved him like a second son immediately. Castiel was glad to see Sam but still tried to avoid him. He couldn’t look at him without thinking about Dean, it just made him hurt more.

He finally talked to Jo and Charlie about the sex tape. Apparently, nobody had downloaded the video and she had completely destroyed the page it had been posted on, so there was a very slim chance that anybody other than the original poster had a copy. Also, chances of a college finding it were slim to none so he didn’t have to worry about it while he waited to hear back from universities. 

Still, a whole bunch of people from the school had seen it, so he would have to deal with that.

Gabe finally had his license back at the start of school in January, so on the first day he drove. All three of the boys in the car sighed in relief with somebody other than Castiel at the wheel.

Charlie and Jo had met them when they arrived, forming a wall around Castiel to fend off Dean and anybody trying to tease him about the sex tape. He had insisted it wasn’t necessary but Charlie confessed Jo just wanted an excuse to intimidate freshmen.

Surprisingly enough, the first stranger to approach Castiel was a sophomore girl. She was one of the many that he had seen hanging around Dean trying to flirt with him while they were ‘together.’ 

Castiel was standing at his locker, trying to find the notebook he had accidentally left over break when she tapped him on the shoulder.

“Um, excuse me?” Castiel turned in surprise to see the small girl staring at him.

“Yes?” He asked warily. 

The girl blushed. “I know you don’t know me, but I was just wondering. Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“Are you really Misha Collins?” 

He stared at her in confusion. He had been expecting being asked about the sex tape or about him and Dean being broken up. Not about his books.

“Yes?”

Her face brightened and a wide smile crossed her face, “oh my god I _love_ your books. The pizza man and the babysitter? That was the most romantic thing ever.” Castiel groaned internally, that was his most embarrassing one. “Is it true you have another book coming out this summer?”

“Er, yes. It’s called ‘Free to be You and Me.’ It’s about a farm girl and a prince.”

“Oh my god that’s awesome,” she fidgeted excitedly, “can you sign my book?” She pulled out a worn copy of ‘The Babysitter’ and passed it over to him. “It would be the awesomest thing ever.” Castiel smiled awkwardly and wrote his name in sloppy cursive inside the cover. He handed it back and she took it with a squeal, running off to show her friends.

“Hear that Castiel, ‘awesomest thing ever.’ You’re a celebrity.” Castiel turned to see Jo walking towards him, looking amused.

“I would not say I am a celebrity.” He grabbed the notebook from his locker and slammed it closed.

“Please,” Jo scoffed, “I just went through the rumor mill, and apparently the only thing they care about is that you are the famous author Misha Collins. I think they haven’t even processed that you and Dean broke up or that you had a sex tape. That’s how big a deal you are.” 

Castiel looked around the hall and noticed everyone staring at him for the first time. Some sophomore girls were staring at him hungrily and several others were holding his books in their hands. He swallowed nervously.

“Please get me out of there.”

“Done,” Jo smiled wickedly. She grabbed Castiel’s hand and dragged him through the hallway and down a stairwell. A couple of moments later, he found himself in the same room he had started the year in, the art room.

“Did you get any more work done for your portfolio?” Castiel inquired as he played with a pile of chalkdust on a table. 

Jo beamed, “I thought you would never ask.” She ran to the closet and came out a large box draped in canvas. The first one she pulled out was the original painting of Castiel that she had done. She had clearly edited it a bit, his jawline was sharper and his eyes were now glowing. It still was breathtaking to him.

The next she pulled out was Gabriel holding onto a microphone, the background behind him transitioned from a beautifully serene neighborhood to a picture of a mass tragedy. Jo showed him that each half of his face showed a different expression if you covered it. The top half had grieving eyes and the bottom was a cheerful smile. His eyes also glowed slightly like Castilel’s and there was a transparent outline of wings fanning out behind his back.

“This one is supposed to be how Gabriel is the messenger, in the bible he was the messenger for telling Mary she was pregnant. Now in the modern world, he is the one who has to tell everyone everything, even the tragedy. Knowing everything is tearing him apart.” 

She pulled out the next one, it was a picture of Charlie. She was surrounded by computers, practically buried in them. She was clearly typing something away on the computer in front of her, and the keyboard has some magical whisps around them and the cords seemed to also be magical. 

“Charlie is a tech wizard,” was all Jo said. She pulled out the last one and hesitated, “maybe I shouldn’t show you this one.”

“Why? Is it unfinished?”

“Well, no…” Jo trailed off. She sighed and put it down in front of him, “well you’ll see.”

The picture was of Dean and Castiel. Dean was being pulled and dragged back into an apartment by a shadowy black figure who had a face that looked suspiciously like Bella. He was standing in the doorway facing Castiel in his trademark trench coat with the outline of wings behind him and glowing blue eyes. Castiel also had darkness behind him, reaching towards him. They were standing face to face in the apartment with Castiel’s arm reaching out to touch Dean’s shoulder where there was a circle of light that seemed to repel the darkness in both of them. 

“This was supposed to be you saving Dean from Bella, and him saving you from yourself.” Jo looked at him nervously, “I know you two weren’t actually together, but when I did I thought you two seemed to make each other a better person. You seemed happy.”

Castiel just stared at the beautiful rendition of Dean, feeling the familiar weight that had been in his chest since he and Dean had broken up. He turned to face Jo.

“It’s gorgeous.” 

Jo smiled widely. She opened her mouth to answer him but they heard a voice speak up behind him.

“Damn Harvelle,” Charlie whistled appreciatively. “You made me look _good_.”

Jo recovered from her initial shock. “Well, you are so gorgeous that it was easy.” Castiel looked at her in surprise, he wasn’t used to that flirty tone from her. He looked between the two of them, were they also dating?

“Are you two together too?” He asked Jo.

“What?” Charlie sputtered. “No!”

“Well not for lack of trying on my part,” Jo added nonchalantly. 

“What?” Charlie asked in surprise.

Jo laughed, “you’re kidding right? I’ve asked you to go out with me multiple times. 

“I thought those were you joking, asking us to hang out,” Charlie said defensively.

“I tried to kiss you when you slept over that one time.”

“You were drunk.”

“I agreed to go on a ski trip just because I hear you were going!” Jo shouted at her in frustration. Charlie and Jo stared each other down, Charlie was gaping like a fish.

“I-I thought you wanted to make sure Castiel and I were safe.” 

“I literally said that I don’t do ski trips. Then you said you were going to hook up with some girl and I said that the reason I was going was to prevent that.”

Charlie stared at Jo. “You really like me?” Her voice was soft and full of wonder. 

“Yeah, you stupid Lesbian.” 

Charlie’s face broke out into a wide beaming smile, “I think I kind of like you to.”  
Jo didn’t quite smile but her cheeks definitely turned a little pink. “That’s good.” She turned back to her painting. “That’s good.” Her voice was soft in a way Castiel had never heard before.

He looked at Charlie who was staring at Jo like she was the sun and Castiel coughed uncomfortably. “Should I leave?” Both the girls ignored him, too absorbed in each other. Castiel wasn’t good with social cues, but he figured that was as good as a yes. He left them alone in the art room, hoping that they wouldn’t be the next students with a sex tape to surface.

-+-

After that, Jo was rarely seen without Charlie following her around bragging about being her girlfriend to anybody that gave her the time of day. Castiel saw Kali giving them a sour look at one point but then she rolled her eyes and walked away. 

For the next couple of weeks it was a cycle of avoiding Dean, going to class, avoiding fans trying to talk to him about his book, going home. He heard back from a couple more schools he had applied to but he just threw those letters in the trash can. Duke University had one of the best pre-med programs in the country and an 85% acceptance rate into med school. It would be foolish to consider other options. 

Sure Jody had winced a little at the cost, but his parents had over $100,000 per kid in saving accounts earning interest since they were kids, so with his financial aid the number of loans they had to take out wouldn’t be too bad. 

Gabriel also got into college, miraculous with his record. With the help of Sam Winchester, he had apparently realized he really wanted to help kids dealing with the same trauma he had gone through as a kid and wanted to be a social worker, then possibly a therapist one day. He was going to a community college to complete his gen ed requirements before going to a state school for a double major in social work and psychology. Castiel had been really proud when Gabriel nervously told him his plan.

Now that Castiel’s friends were all dating each other and he was sans Dean, something which sent another round of pain and heartbreak through him every time he thought about it, he had a lot of free time to himself. After he was ahead of his work as humanly possible, he started writing another book. Just one of his passion projects, nothing he ever planned on publishing.

After seeing Jo’s art portraying everyone as supernatural creatures, Castiel had been inspired to write a series based on supernatural entities in the real world. The original idea was having a journalist documenting supernatural phenomena in the world and writing articles on them, but then one day the journalist found himself caught up in a mess with a demonic entity who was not happy about her revealing their secrets. 

However, when he ran the idea by Anna she suggested making it a team because a team against the world always struck a chord with readers. Then, he had talked to Charlie, she had suggested making them heroes fighting the supernatural because everyone liked a good story about heroes. When he talked to Jo she suggested making everyone just sad and killing every single character. For some reason, none of their suggestions surprised him.

So instead, Castiel was writing a series about two brothers going across the country _saving_ people from monsters. He was debating if he was going to kill off one of the characters for dramatic tension later on. When he told Gabe the idea he had laughed and said “wouldn’t it be funny if they just died every single chapter and kept coming back to life like cockroaches?” Castiel had rolled his eyes at that and created a character who got off on watching people die repeatedly for future use.

At this point, the story was about two estranged brothers who were united by the disappearance of their father and were hunting down the creature who kidnapped him. He pretended not to notice how Jensen was suspiciously modeled after Dean as he continued to write. He was really proud of his work so far.

The day before valentine's day was when he completed his first draft. The story ended with Jensen and Jared finding their father and then being hit by a car driven by the demon who they were hunting. Unlike his trashy romance novels, Castiel was really proud of this one. A quick word count check said that they were at nearly the length of deathly hallows.

So, his Valentine's day he spent at his desk, working on his draft and trying not to think about what day it was. He remembered how Dean had made promises for Valentine’s day when they were still together.

-+-

_“What is your opinion on Valentine's day?” Dean asked conversationally. They were sitting in the back of the impala sharing some gummy bears and maple bacon donuts. Dean’s feet were propped up on Castiel’s lap._

_“Valentine's day is based on a Roman festival where women were given to men in a lottery,” Castiel argued to Dean. “The saint it is named after is a mix of a man who helped men escape being forced to war by marrying them to random women and another man who was murdered. Now it is a cheap, westernized tradition where people are made to feel poorly of themselves for not being romantically involved and companies make money off of couples. It’s capitalistic and cruel.“_

_“Geez, Cas,” Dean laughed good-naturedly, “little harsh, don’t you think?”_

_Castiel finished the last bite of his donut and reached down to absentmindedly give Dean a foot rub. He shrugged, “you asked my opinion, Dean.”_

_“Yeah, your opinion, not your complete evisceration of it.”_

_“After Anna educated me on the history of it that is what it has been.” Castiel frowned, “I’m sorry. Did I upset you?”_

_“Nah,” Dean laughed, “I like seeing you argue about things you’re passionate about. Your face scrunches up all cute and your voice gets even more rumbly.” Dean paused and thought over what he just said, “actually, it’s kinda hot. Wanna make out a bit?”_

_Castiel slapped his leg in retaliation. “We have to pick your brother up from work in a couple minutes Dean.”_

_“We don’t have to make out for long.” Dean smiled his ‘come hither’ smirk that usually worked on Castiel. Castiel tore his gaze away from his face to avoid falling for him._

_“Last time you said that we were both naked and twenty minutes late.”_

_Dean sighed in defeat. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Castiel refrained from telling Dean that he was always right, but he did smile at the fondness in Dean’s tone._

_“Afterwards?” Castiel suggested. He didn’t need to look at Dean to know he was grinning._

_“Deal,” Dean laughed, “and in exchange, I’ll show you the best Valentine's day ever, with no stupid capitalism benefitting. I’ll change your mind.”_ _  
_ _“That will not be necessary as we are not actually romantically involved.” Castiel rationalized. “And will we even be doing this by February? I would think you and Bella would be back together again.” Dean was quiet for a second so Castiel looked up at him in confusion. “Did I say something wrong?”_

_Dean avoided eye contact. “Nah,” he finally said, “you’re always right Cas. Always.”_

-+-

He had only gotten through Jensen telling Jared about their dad’s disappearance when Gabriel marched into his room with a purpose and a set expression on his face. Castiel looked up at him with a mix of dread and confusion. 

“Can I help you?” Castiel asked cautiously as he put his draft down in his lap.

“Sammy and I are going to the roadhouse to eat, you’re coming with us.” 

“No,” Castiel said resolutely. There was no chance in hell he was going to be spending Valentine's day third-wheeling on a date between his brother and the brother of the guy he was pining after. There was absolutely zero chance in hell he was going to put himself through that agony. Gabriel would have to drag him kicking and screaming on that date.

Ten minutes later Castiel was sitting in a booth at the Roadhouse next to his brother, not quite sure how he got there. He said as much to his brother who just waggled his eyebrows in response but didn’t tell him the secret. 

Sam wasn’t there yet, much to Castiel’s surprise. Between his brother and the Winchester, Sam was definitely much more punctual.

“Where is Sam?” Castiel asked Gabe.

“Oh, he’s gathering the evidence with Alfie.”

“The evidence?” Castiel asked in confusion.

Gabe looked up at him in mock surprise. “Oh, haven’t you heard? This is an intervention to stop your moping around the house.”

“I’m not moping,” Castiel argued in defense. 

“Yes you are,” Alfie said from next to them. Castiel looked over to see his cousin holding a box standing next to Sam Winchester holding a manilla envelope of his own.

“I do not!” Castiel insisted.

“Castiel,” Alfie said carefully, “you never leave your room unless you have to eat or go to class.”

“I’m busy with my new novel.”

“Whenever Sam is at the house you won’t even look at him.”

“That’s because my brother is hanging off of him which makes me uncomfortable.”

“I mentioned Dean the other day and you looked like you were going to cry,” Gabriel added. Castiel opened his mouth hoping another excuse would come out. Any excuse really. Nothing came up. 

A sympathetic expression crossed Sam’s face, and for just a moment Castiel hated him.

“I don’t know what happened between you and Dean that made you break up,” Sam said, “but I think if you are just as much of a mess as your brother says then you loved him.” Castiel looked away as Sam continued. “And if the way he’s been moping around means anything I think he loved you too.”

Castiel looked up in surprise at that. Dean was moping? The other guys took that as an invitation to continue. Alfie and Sam slid into the booth across from them and put their stuff on the counter. 

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Castiel rationalized, “he’s probably upset because Bella dumped him again.”

“He and Bella never got back together,” Sam argued.

“It doesn’t matter, I already knew that.” Charlie had tried to tell him that a while back but Castiel didn’t put much stock in that. Bella was dating some college guy again so she had probably rejected Dean. “Look, I know Dean didn’t even like me back. I accepted that a while ago, I am just experiencing emotional turmoil after heartbreak which I understand is common.”

“Do you really think that?” Alfie asked sadly.

“From the beginning, Dean made it clear that he was only pretending to date me because he wanted to make Bella jealous. Even if there was a small part of him that liked me, it was never any more than her. I’ll always be his second choice.” Castiel looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact.

“Did you ever read the letters he sent you?” Sam asked. 

Castiel looked up at him in confusion, “what?”

“Did you ever read the letters? You know, the ones he spent every morning at the counter on? One time he forgot the letter before we left and we ended up running late because he didn’t want to forget it. ‘Just in case Casreads it this time’ is what he said when I asked why it was so important.”

Castiel once again regretted not reading them. “No,” he said after a moment of silence. “Never.”

Alfie slid his box across the table to him, “I saw you throw these out and I thought you might want them someday.” Castiel looked at him in confusion then peeked inside. Sure enough, a whole pile of folded papers was inside. Each one had his name written in some variation. He grabbed one at random.

_To Castiel_ _# 4_ :  
 _Congratulations on acing your test yesterday. I’m proud of my smart pants fake boyfriend._

Castiel looked in the box and sorted the rest into the order of the numbers on it. Most of the notes were simple sweet things like that, talking about how smart, how sweet, how dorky Castiel was. Then he got to the one that was from the day after the party.

_To Cas #32:  
_ _Are you even reading these? If you are please text me and let me know._

_To Cas #33:  
I guess if you aren’t reading these I can tell you how I think you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. _

Castiel’s breath caught in his throat as he read that. He took a moment before he kept reading. The rest seemed to follow a similar theme with a constant. A few tuck out to him.

_To Angel #40:  
You make me so happy, sometimes I wonder if I should just say ‘fuck it’ and tell you I want to date for real. _

_To Cas #47:  
Bella tried to talk to me today. You showed up out of nowhere though and she ran away so fast. You’re so much more badass than you know. _

_To Cas #48:  
Thank you for trusting me with your parent’s story. I wish you would trust me enough to tell me about you being Misha Collins, but I know that is your pace. _

Castiel looked up in surprise at that, “Dean knew I was Misha Collins?” 

“Uh, yeah?” Sam said like it was obvious. Castiel didn’t want to say something to make himself look stupid so he just kept reading the notes. He stopped his reading at number 62.

_To Castiel #62:  
I think I’m in love with you Asstiel. But it breaks my part that you don’t like me back. _

Castiel stopped and stared it down, not sure what to say. So instead he kept reading. There were several dirty ones in the mix and many things talking about little things Castiel had said or done during the day before which had made Dean supposedly ‘loved’ him. The last note was dated the day before the ski trip.

_To Cas #73:  
I want to tell somebody this, and you’re my best friend. I”m going to tell you tomorrow that I love you on the way to the ski trip. I’m getting all you gummy bears and maple bacon donuts and I’m finally gonna tell you. I think you are gonna reject me but as long as you still stay my friend I’ll be okay. Cause Cas, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. _

Castiel stared the note down. So Dean did love him, apparently. That did not mean anything though, he still cheated on him with Bella less than five seconds into the relationship being real. And just because he loved Castiel didn’t mean that he didn’t love Bella more. Despite all this, Castiel felt the flicker of hope in his chest. He desperately tried to squash it down, but it persisted. 

He looked at the others, desperate for one of them to say it was a joke. That this was all faked by them.

Gabe read him like a book, his lips pursed in a line that showed his frustration with Castiel. He nudged Sam. “Show him.”

Sam nodded and handed over the envelope, “be careful with that. Dean will kill me if he finds out that I not only took that but damaged it.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow and looked inside. His breath caught in shock at the familiar contents. He reached inside and pulled out the familiar envelope addressed to Dean Winchester in his handwriting. It was the letter that Alfie had accidentally sent out. 

It was well worn like somebody had kept taking the letter in and out of the envelope. Castiel pulled it out himself and carefully folded it open. There was a smudge over the words ‘you make my heart beat fast in my chest’ like somebody had run their finger over it repeatedly. 

Castiel touched the smudge reverently. “I thought Dean got rid of this.”

“I’ve seen him reading it every day since he got it, used to be all dopey and pleased with himself when he did. Nowadays he gets this sad expression over his face when he does nowadays.” 

“I don’t see how that’s my problem,” Castiel said stubbornly.

Sam sighed, “as I said before, I don’t know what happened to you two. But Castiel, he’s my brother and I hate seeing him this upset.” Sam’s eyes widened in a way the Luke’s did when he begged for scraps at the dinner table. “Please just talk to him, give him a chance to explain whatever he did. My brother is a bit of an idiot sometimes, but he always has his heart in the right place.”

Castiel looked at his brother, his cousin, and Sam who were all staring at him hopefully. The flicker in Castiel’s chest was now a flame, burning him from the inside. He looked down at the letter and sighed.

What better way to put out that burn than the drowning heartbreak which would come from listening to Dean recount cheating on him.

“Okay,” Castiel said to them. “Okay, I’ll go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is coming out Monday. I hope you've been enjoying this story with me and I hope that you are looking forward to the finale as much as I am.


	20. Chapter 20

So, it was thanks to meddlesome brothers and cousins that Castiel found himself standing outside of Dean Winchester’s home, clutching a folded letter to his heart. The letter that had started everything. 

He stared down the door, getting up the nerve to knock. Gabe had dropped him off and drove away with the promise to come back in half an hour. “Unless you tell me otherwise,” he had added with a suggestive wink. Castiel had just glared him down while he drove away.

After five minutes of just standing there, trying to decide what to say, he finally just decided to wing it and raised his fist to knock. As he raised his hand though, the door swung open. 

“Cas?” Dean asked in confusion. He was standing in the doorway holding the keys to the impala. Dean’s eyes, wide with surprise, looked tired and drawn like he hadn’t been sleeping. His hair was slightly overgrown and sticking up all over the place.

“Is this a bad time?” Castiel asked. When Dean just cocked his head in confusion he gestured towards the keys in his hand.

Dean looked down at his keys like he wasn’t sure how they got there. “Oh I wasn’t- I was just,” Dean stammered over his words, “nothing, no. This isn’t a bad time.” 

They stood there in silence, staring at each other awkwardly for a couple of moments. Castiel nervously stared him down, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say. Finally, Dean broke the silence.

“Why are you here Cas?” 

Castiel felt like he had been stung at the last couple of words. “Do you want me to leave?” He started to back away.

“What? No!” Dean exclaimed. “Why would I-? Castiel I’ve been trying to talk to you for months now.”

“Well you aren’t saying anything now,” Castiel argued back.

“Yeah, well I wasn’t expecting you to show up on my doorstep out of nowhere like this. You surprised me Cas.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow, “I surprised you?”

“You always do,” Dean said softly, almost reverently. The moment passed and he crossed his arms in front of himself defensively, “you didn’t answer my question.”

That was true, he hadn’t. “You aren’t going to like it,” Castiel said wryly.

“Try me.”

“Your brother made me come here.” 

Dean stared at Castiel unblinkingly, “Sammy?”

“Well, I doubt that Adam the toddler would bring me here.”

Dean let out a laugh, “just imagine him trying to reach the pedals.”

“Yes that would be amusing, his legs are very short.” Dean snorted at Castiel’s words. For a moment the awkward tension between them had dissipated and it felt like old times. Then Castiel remembered what had happened and he felt his walls close up again.

It must have been visible because Dean sobered up. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Seriously man,” he said, “you can’t even be near me without looking like you hate me. What’s the real reason you’re here?” Castiel opened his mouth to reply but Dean cut him off, “and don’t just say it’s cause Sam sent you. I know you don’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

Castiel’s mouth snapped shut. How was he supposed to tell Dean that he was here because, despite everything, he was still ridiculously in love with him? How was he supposed to say that despite everything, Castiel was here because he had the faintest flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, Dean was actually in love with Castiel too? That he had a good reason for everything with Bella.

Instead of voicing this out loud, he just stared at Dean. Hoping beyond hope that the first person that he felt truly understood him inside and out would be able to figure out exactly why he was there. Why he was standing there in front of the person who broke his heart. 

“I don’t know Dean,” he stared Dean in the eyes. Dean just sighed and looked away. Message not delivered. Castiel tried to quell his disappointment. 

“Well, if you don’t know why you’re here can you at least just do me a favor.”

“Yes,” Castiel replied without hesitation.

Dean gave him a half-smile. “Will you give me just ten minutes. Ten minutes to explain everything.” Castiel repressed a smile, so Dean had gotten his message. He nodded mutely in agreement. A wide smile of relief stretched across Dean’s face. He took a step back and held the door gesturing for Castiel to come inside.

“Where is Bobby?” Castiel asked as he walked inside. He slid the letter into one of his pockets as he sat at the counter.

“He’s at the garage,” Dean walked over to the fridge and grabbed a can of ginger ale and coke. He slid the ginger ale over to Castiel and then opened his own drink. “So where to start?” He asked. 

Castiel opened the can and gestured to the clock. “I don’t know but your ten minutes are starting now.”  
“Shit Cas, you gotta at least give me something. Which part do you want to know first.”

Castiel glared at Dean before he said his next words. “How about we start with why Bella told me that you two hooked up just minutes after we did.” The words hurt Castiel as they came out, just much as they had as thoughts for the past couple of months,

“What?” Dean asked, flabbergasted. “She said that?”

“Well, you basically confessed to going to her room and she was wearing your shirt which she heavily implied that she had gotten it straight off your body the night before.” Castiel shrugged, “it wasn’t exactly a difficult conclusion to come to.”

Dean huffed angrily, not in Castiel’s direction thankfully. “So for the t-shirt thing, you gotta remember we were dating for years. She probably had it from when I forgot it at her place and just packed it in her bag.”

“But it was your Led Zeppelin shirt,” Castiel said defensively, “you love that shirt.”

“Yeah, and I have four of them,” Dean reminded him. Castiel thought it over and vaguely remembered seeing the shirt multiple times in Dean’s drawer. 

“Okay fine, say I believe the multiple t-shirt excuse. That still doesn’t explain why you went to her room.” Castiel stared at Dean, waiting for his excuse.

Dean winched, “yeah that doesn’t look so good huh.” He sighed and rubbed at his face, “Bella had been harassing me for a couple of weeks to get back together with her.”

Castiel looked up at him in surprise. “Why didn’t you-” he started. He trailed off his sentence, staring up at Castiel in surprise.

“Why didn’t I get back together with her?” Dean asked knowingly. 

Castiel nodded, taking a sip of his ginger ale as he waited for Dean to continue. He hadn’t even noticed Bella in the weeks leading up to the field trip. He had been so occupied with the anniversary of his parent's death, pretending he wasn’t in love with his boyfriend, and waiting on early application admission letters from college that he hadn’t even processed that she was around.

Dean just kept his gaze averted and continued on with his story. “Bella had been harassing me about getting back together, so after you told me you wanted to try this thing for real I wanted her to back off. I went to tell her to leave me and my boyfriend alone, that me and her were over for real.” Dean looked back up at Castiel, “then I saw texts from Sammy freaking out because you caught him with his secret boyfriend so I went there and passed out in his room.”

Castiel took another sip, accepting the reason. Dean was never very good at lying outright, and now that Castiel was in a less irrational mindset it was clear that Dean wasn’t. There was one thing bothering him though.

“Well after we broke up, everyone thought you two were going to get back together. She told me she wanted you back while she pretended you two had sex.” 

“She did want to get back together,” Dean nodded, “that part was true at least.” 

“But you didn’t.”

“No,” Dean said softly, “I didn’t.” They sat there in silence. The tension that had been between them since the start began tangible at those words. Dean looked up at him and his green eyes caught the light in a way that showed the flecks of gold around the irises. Dean really was one of the most beautiful humans Castiel had ever seen. 

“Why didn’t you get back together with her,” Castiel asked for the second time.

Dean let out a defeated sigh, “does it even matter?” _It does matter_ . Castiel thought to himself. _Because I can’t be the one to say it this time._

Instead of saying that, Castiel just pulled the letter and placed it down on the counter between the two of them. He slid it over to Dean who looked down at it in surprise. He reached down and lifted it up carefully to examine it.

“Where did you get this?” Dean asked while he looked down at it. Castiel took the borrowed time to think over what he had learned.

Dean had basically just told him that the reasons he originally had to end things were made up by a crazy ex-girlfriend. Now Castiel knew that part of the problem was his impatience and not letting Dean explain himself. Dean had never cheated and he had not gotten back together with Bella.

Now, the only thing that Castiel could hide behind was his own insecurity. His own doubt that Dean wouldn’t get back together with Bella at any moment. He already knew that Dean used to love him, and Castiel knew that he still loved Dean. He desperately wanted for Dean to say that he still loved him too. 

But Castiel knew he couldn’t say that out loud. He wasn’t ready to get his heart broken again, and Dean still hadn’t answered the question. 

He looked up at the clock to check the time and sighed. “Your ten minutes are up.” Castiel stood up from the stool and began to move to walk to the door.

Dean reached out to grab his wrist, “you’re leaving just like that?”

“Well,” Castiel shrugged, “you said all that you are going to say. Haven’t you?”

The two of them stared each other down while Dean gaped at Castiel. When nothing came out Castiel was both disappointed and unsurprised. “Goodbye, Dean.” He pulled his wrist free and turned to leave. 

“You drive me _crazy_ Cas,” Dean blurted out.

Castiel turned around in confusion, “I’m sorry?”

“You drive me crazy,” Dean repeated himself. “I think about you all the time. I wake up, ‘I wonder if Castiel is up.’ I make a sandwich, ‘Castiel likes peanut and jelly sandwiches.’ Every time my phone goes off I get excited because there is just the slightest chance it is you.”

Castiel stared at him wide-eyed as Dean rambled, rooted to his spot as he listened. 

“Even when I grocery shop. I keep accidentally buying ginger ale even though nobody in this house drinks it because even when you aren’t that front of my mind you occupy it. And when you are with me...” Dean trailed off and let out a burst of air, “you are everything.” 

Dean looked up at him after that, eyes searching Castiel's face. Whatever he saw made him take a step forward, edging slightly into Castiel’s space. They were so close, all he would need to do to close the gap would be take a step forward. He could smell Dean’s intoxicating scent of apples, wood, and something that was just completely Dean. Castiel averted his eyes to the floor.

Castiel took a deep breath, inhaling the smell. “Why did you not get back together with Bella when you had the chance,” he asked again nervously.

“How could I even look at another person when I am hopelessly gone on you.”

Castiel’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. He was silent for a moment, debating what to do and trying to calm himself. He felt the walls he had slammed all those months ago crumbling, leaving himself vulnerable to the full force of his feelings for the man in front of him.

Castiel took a deep breath and moved himself closer until their feet were just a foot apart, craning his neck up slightly to look Dean in the eyes. He gently reached up and wrapped his fingers around the wrist clutching the letter. Dean’s breath caught when Castiel made contact and looked down at their hands and the letter.

“Ask me again,” Castiel said quietly.

“What?” Dean’s head snapped up.

“Ask me again why I came here, even though I was completely convinced that you cheated on me with Bella.”

Dean had a hopeful expression on his face, “why did you come here Cas.”

“Because,” Castiel took a deep breath, “because I am in love with you too, Dean Winchester.”

The smile that stretched across Dean’s face was blinding, and Castiel ducked his head to avoid the force of the stare. Dean put the letter down on the counter and reached out with both his hands, one sliding into Castiel’s and the other lifting up his chin. 

“Would you be okay if I kissed you right now?” Dean asked with that wide grin. His green eyes sparkled.

Castiel couldn’t fight the small smile across his face. “Depends.”

“On what?”

“On if you are gonna wake up one day and realize that you want Bella,” Castiel was pretty sure he knew the answer but he got a bit of petty satisfaction when Dean had said that Castiel was the only person he wanted to be with earlier and he kind of wanted to hear him say it again.

At that, Dean moved closer, so their bodies were an inch apart and their lips were separated by just millimeters. Castiel found himself suddenly very distracted by Dean’s, well, everything. “Who’s Bella?” Dean asked quietly against Castiel’s lips.

Castiel grinned and shot one of his hands up to the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him down to close the space between their lips.

The kiss was pure and sweet, none of the usual heat behind their kiss. It felt soft, comfortable, like coming home. Dean instantly wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist and pulled him flush against his body as he returned the kiss with enthusiasm.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there before Dean pulled them apart. Castiel grumbled in disappointment and tried to pull Dean back down.

“Easy there Angel,” Dean laughed. He avoided Castiel’s efforts but still held him close. “There’s just one more thing I should probably admit.”

“Please tell me what could _possibly_ be more important than going up to your room and continuing this,” Castiel growled. He made another pass to pull Dean into a kiss which was momentarily successful. Castiel was surprised at his own impatience, but after spending so much time away from Dean because of Castiel’s own stupid misunderstanding he found that he just wanted to be as close to Dean as possible.

Dean hungrily returned the kiss for a bit before wrenching himself away. He was breathing heavier than before. Castiel could see the effort to not go back to kissing that was in Dean’s eyes, and it satisfied him immensely. 

“It’s not bad,” Dean promised, “I just want to get this off my chest because it’s only fair you know.”

Castiel rolled his eyes but stopped trying to get Dean to kiss him. Instead, he rested his arms around Dean’s neck and looked him in the eye. “Okay, tell me.”

Dean smiled and his cheeks turned red, “well the first is that I kinda already knew you were Misha Collins. Since your very first book came out.”

Castiel started in surprise, “Doctor Sexy?”

“That’s the one,” Dean laughed. “I saw it in a bookstore when shopping for Sam and I’ve always kind of had a thing for hot doctors.” Dean coughed uncomfortably. “Anyways, I read it and it was such a good book I did some internet digging and found out it was you.”

Castiel felt like he could die in embarrassment. “Oh my god.”

“That isn’t the only secret,” Dean was smiling softly at Castiel.

“Is it going to mortify me any more than I already am?” Castiel asked.

“No,” Dean laughed softly. “The secret is that I think I had a crush on you in middle school too.”

“Oh yeah?” Castiel laughed. “Did you write me a love letter back then too?”

“Hell no,” Dean said in mock offense, “I would never do something that girly.” 

“Assbutt,” Castiel punched Dean’s arm. He chose not to bring up to little notes he had just read. Instead, he pulled Dean down into another kiss. This one went uninterrupted as they made their way to Dean’s room.

Later Gabe would walk in with Sam, ready to bring Castiel home because he forgot to text saying not to pick him up. His friends would be happy for him and Bella would go on to pretend that they both didn’t exist when he and Dean walked in holding hands on Monday. 

The highs would be amazing. When Castiel finally gives in and publishes his supernatural book and immediately gets picked up for a TV series. When Castiel finishes premed in the span of two years and gets accepted into John Hopkins for Medical school. And for Dean, when he gets his masters in mechanical engineering. 

They would have their lows too. When Luke dies during Castiel's first week of med school. When Sam goes all the way to Stanford for law school and Dean misses him. There would be arguments over stupid things that would lead to both him and Dean needing a moment to cool off before talking to each other again. But in the end, they always would come back together, because something as stupid as whether and orca or a polar bear would win a fight was not enough to keep them apart. 

Then, one day Dean would write Castiel a love letter. A full one, not just a little note every single day. Only the letter would be read out loud in front of their friends and family and accompanied by rings at the same place Dean’s parents got married. Things would be perfect.

But now, Castiel and Dean were kissing and relearning each other, and they were both incandescently, truly, and completely happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you who have stayed with me through till the end. After this story, I am taking a break because I have finals for my college courses. After that though, I will be back with my next fic which will be a one-shot (not related to this universe.) Follow my Tumblr apolloclover for updates on my writing and to request fics/give me prompts for other things.
> 
> As always, comment your thoughts and opinions. I always look forward to them.


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